(Closed) Trouble sharing past proposals/engagement with SO

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
11167 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Yes I would tell, because it doesn’t mean anything at this point. Making it secretive almost gives it more power and importance than it really may have.

Both my Fiance and I were engaged to different people and ended the relationships around the same time, met about two months later. It was fate! We are open and honest about those relationships and how they clearly weren’t meant to be.

You are obviously happy and believe you are with the right man, consider it a learning experience and nothing more. No threats there.

Post # 4
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yes, it’s in the past, but that’s a big part of your life to hide.  I’d tell him the full story.

Post # 6
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think its great that you brought up that you have been proposed to in the past, the communication line is so important and will greatly bless your marriage in tne future.

If its on your mind and heart and feel like you would be lying or just uncomfy without details, then definitely tell him!

Post # 7
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Reign14: To me, not saying you were engaged once before is such a big omission, that is being deceptive to avoid it based on a “well, he didn’t ask.”  A “yes” is not part of the proposal like questions such as “where, or how.”  It’s not like you are avoiding saying some about a past sexual practice with an ex (who wants to know that?), but it’s a life changing decision.  If it wasn’t “real” then say that to him – but be honest with yourself it at any point it was real (and honestly, if it wasn’t, you might consider exploring why you said yes then).  If he were ever to find out (which, considering you did wear a ring for 8 months, could very well happen at some point), I think that would be problematic.  But, I share most everything with my SO, and don’t deliberately hide, omit or lie about anything, even the “unpretty parts.”  Life isn’t always as pretty and neat as you would like it to be. 

Post # 8
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think that’s pretty deceptive to leave out such important info. I would not be at all okay with it if I was him – two years into the relationship and you’re just now getting around to telling him, “Oh hey, you know that ex of mine I go and visit occasionally? Well, we used to be engaged.” That is info that should of been disclosed long ago and I think you need to spill ASAP.

Post # 9
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010


I have actually said this to Darling Husband. “I want the type of relationship where I can tell you anything. I mean, ANYTHING. I want you to know all of me and love all of me. Jealousy shouldn’t be a factor here, because you are the one I love and have only ever truly loved and will love forever”.

What you did, is beautiful, as much as it is bittersweet. (The fact that he was in the car with his ex, potentially cheating, I assume?) and yet you loved him and took care of him. This is an insight into the amazing person you are and your SO should know this of you.

There’s nothing to fear when you are with the right person. If his reaction is off the handle and bizzare, that gives YOU insight into who HE is. Like a sign. Like the engagement ring that fell apart.

Darling Husband knows my deepest darkest secrets. So when he says “You are so amazing. I love you more than anything in the universe”…I believe him. Because I’m not putting up a facade or pretending or lying by omission. He knows all of me. Warts and all.

Post # 10
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yeah I feel like you should tell him sooner than later…the longer you wait to tell him the more he will think you have MORE to hide and are being dishonest. B/c most people believe omission is a form of lying as well. If he accepted all of that you already told him I’m sure this wont be a huge deal.

Post # 11
3142 posts
Sugar bee

As usual, I’m going against the grain here….

I’d say tell him, but only if he asks, for now.  That story is not going anywhere and there is no need to bring it up at the moment.

Then if it doesn’t come up.  Let it come up as naturally as possible down the road, and I’d say after you’re engaged.

It’s just a tiny drop of experience that has made you who you are today.  Once he has had his ‘day’ proposing to you, I feel it would be better then.

ETA: this doesn’t seem like it will be a huge massive deal to you SO as he didnt’ even enquire if you said yes or no.  When i told my Fiance that I had been engaged before, the first thing out of his mouth was ‘what did you say’.



Post # 12
3799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I told my Fiance about my past relationships, but only to a point. There were details I didn’t share, because they were irrelevant to now. I wouldn’t share every nitty gritty detail, but if you feel as though you need him to know that you were engaged before, go for it. Just don’t take up an entire afternoon talking about it, because he isn’t going to want to hear every detail about your ex. Engagement or not, those guys are your exes, and they are in the past. It’s great to be open and honest, just keep a boundary between giving him the information you need to share with him and oversharing. I think what you let us know in the post would be enough.

Post # 14
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@kay01: “I share most everything with my SO, and don’t deliberately hide, omit or lie about anything, even the “unpretty parts.”  Life isn’t always as pretty and neat as you would like it to be.”

This.  Omitting the fact that you were previously engaged to this guy is a big deal and if I were your SO, I would consider it lying (especially because you brought up his proposal and then left out the fact you said yes and were engaged for months).  You should feel comfortable enough with your SO to share the “unpretty” parts of your past with him because those are what made you who you are today.

@soyjoy222: Being previously engaged isn’t a “nitty gritty detail”, IMO.

Post # 15
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I can speak from your SO’s side. My FH was engaged twice before me, and if he wouldn’t have told me that from the beginning, I would have been hurt. I was a little bit “jealous” that I wasn’t the first one he proposed to (I wanted a big fairy tale courtship lol) but then I got over. Give your SO more credit than you think – he might understand! It was a huge situation that was probably filled with emotions, so he might understand that your ex would propose. I had to realize that my FH didn’t marry these girls, and he was proposing for all of the wrong reasons. So I am the “first” girl that he wants to marry. If my FH had omitted these facts, I would consider lying and I would definitely doubt some things! You should be able to tell your SO anything!! Put yourself in his shoes and ask yourself how would you feel if he did this to you?

I say tell him! He might react a lot differently than what you expect.

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