- 7 years ago
- Wedding: April 2016
So this past week me and my honey vacationed in South Florida and cruised to the Bahamas. It was a belated 2-year anniversary celebration and as you can imagine, it was lovely. This trip really brought us closer…and on the last day we were just laying in bed watching TV and talking. He wasn’t feeling well so I was taking care of him. I decided to share with him that I have been proposed to twice before. I had never told him this because for some reason I was scared of his reaction, but it always bothered me and I had wanted to tell him for a while. IMO neither of the past proposals were heartfelt or what I believe I deserve, and I shared with him why. (One was by text/phone, and the second was just not a realistic situation.) He was very receptive and promised me that his proposal will be above and beyond both of those, which made me smile.
The one thing that I still couldn’t manage to disclose is that I said yes to one of the proposals (although he never asked what my answer was). It was with an ex that I had been with for about 2 years at the time (I was 23 and he was 24). The first year of our relationship was normal, and right as we were about to enter the second year and were so in love, he got into a really bad car accident that caused him to fracture his skull and resulted in brain damage. He was in a coma for a month, in rehabilitation for 9 months, and completely lost the use of his legs. On top of his physical disabilites, he also has mental disabilities and although he did get much better, he’ll never be the same. I stayed with him for two years after the accident and took the most amazing care of him (he was my heart). Long story short….he proposed from his hospital bed about 8 months after the accident, randomly, with no ring, no means of buying one, and no means of supporting me or even himself. But I said yes and we went to the mall a month or so later and bought a $25 ring. I wore it with pride until the cluster of diamonds fell off one day. I took this as a sign and we never mentioned the “engagement” again.
We eventually broke up, got back together and broke up again for too many complicated reasons to explain here. But one thing I should add is at the time of the accident, he was in the car with his ex-girlfriend, which I found out in the hospital right afterward. I also learned from his family in the hospital that he had been lying to me about so many things regarding her. I didn’t even know she was still in the picture. I still stayed with him knowing all of this, mainly because he almost died and all I cared about at that point was that he got better. There was not really time to focus on the situation with the ex because he was fighting for his life. I guess I just didn’t think very far ahead, and never really dealt with my feelings properly. But in the back of mind mind I knew I would have to, and once I did, I knew it probably wouldn’t work out. But love is blind, ya know.
I know this relationship is a senstive subject for my SO, and since I think the engagement can barely be called a real engagement and was not meant to be, I don’t feel the need to divulge all of the details. SO knows that I am still friends with my ex and visit him on the rare occasion (like once or twice a year) and he is very understanding of this. I dont want to unecessarily alarm him, or for him the feel the LEAST bit threatened by the situation.
I don’t know if I will ever tell him the full story of the pseudo-engagement, but this weekend was a start. Thoughts? Would you tell your SO?