(Closed) Trouble with a gift from SO

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 4
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think he’s being a little odd since it’s not exactly your fault. Why not offer him the difference in the money and just have it done with? Pick your battles is always my motto 😉

Post # 5
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would talk to him. Say something like, “From your reaction, I feel like exchanging the earrings for the ring is too much for you. I was hurt by your reaction.” and see what he says

Post # 6
Member
1561 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Well, he bought you a gift and you not only want to return it, but you want something that costs more than the original gift.  I realize you have a valid reason for the return but maybe he doesn’t quite understand and is a little irritated?  It’s hard to say.

Post # 8
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Clearly he’s uncomfortable with the additional cost, even though you get the impression money isn’t an issue for him. And even though you had a valid reason for wanting to return/exchange the earrings, he might still be somewhat hurt that the present he picked out wasn’t a winner all around.

If I were you, I would take a step back and stop trying to control the exchange. He has the facts, that you can’t wear those earrings and would prefer the ring and now he as the gift giver can decide what to do. If I were you, I would just proudly wear my necklace for now and wait to see what he decides to do with the earrings. He might just need some time to get over the hurt and get comfortable with the idea of an exchange, but I wouldn’t keep pushing him.

Post # 9
Member
2084 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1993

Just a thought – are you engaged? If not, could there be any issue of him buying you a ring? (From here I’ve read that some guys can get funny about it – they don’t want their SO’s to read too much into it?)

Could be way off, but that’s what came to mind?

Post # 10
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Hmm. That is odd.

You don’t mention how long you’ve been dating, if you live together, etc. If there’s significant income disparity, is it possible that he feels taken advantage of? Does he usually pick up the bill when you go out, etc? Do you live in his house?

It could be that he’s uncomfortable with the possible symbolism of buying you a ring at this stage, or maybe he just doesn’t understand that you are sensitive to metals (it’s not something most guys ever have to think about or deal with, you know?) and thinks that it’s a bogus excuse to get something you like better. (I’m not at all trying to justify this, but it is possible that if he’s never heard of allergic reactions to earrings he might think it sounds fishy.)

Without knowing more details, I think you basically have two options. You could pay the difference for the ring you want yourself and put this whole episode behind you. Resolve not to dwell on it, but do keep an eye out for future issues of this nature and try to assess what, if anything, this says about his character and your relationship. Alternatively, you could sit down with him and apologize if you hurt his feelings in any way. Emphasize that the necklace is lovely and a generous gift and that you are perfectly happy with just it, but since you can’t wear the earrings you would like him to return them and keep the change. Then ask if there is some deeper issue or if he feels like you aren’t contributing equally to the relationship or that money is a problem. This could be an opportunity to air some deeper concerns, and it sounds like there may be some sort of failure of communication you need to confront at some point.

Post # 11
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@moderndaisy:Agree

You gave him the information and now I would let it go. You got a necklace you like, so I would let it be and if he ends of getting the ring great, if not you still have the necklace!

Post # 12
Member
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Button: YES! I posted before Christmas about stumbling on a ring my SO purchased as my gift. And yes, I jumped to conclusions. Your SO probably doesn’t want to buy a ring for this reason.

Post # 14
Member
1561 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mamadingdong:  I don’t actually think you sound ungrateful but I was trying to put myself in your SO’s shoes and maybe he kinda felt that way?

Post # 15
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@mamadingdong:

Yeah, definitely sit down and discuss finances and stuff soon, before you move in together. I haven’t been in your situation but I definitely understand the potential awkwardness – and of course it’d be totally unreasonable for you to split things 50/50 when he’s much better off and he prefers to go out more than you otherwise would. Probably this is just a weird manifestation of anxiety/tension surrounding moving in together, finances, etc. I’m sure you’ll both feel much better if you just talk about it!

Post # 16
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee

I would not say to him that the returning of the present was too much for him.  If my SO said that to me, I would take it as a jab at me. 

The topic ‘Trouble with a gift from SO’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors