Post # 1
I’m having a really tough time with finding a church. My parent’s and my fiance’s parent’s raised us Catholic and are very insistent about us having a traditional catholic wedding. However, we haven’t been very good Catholics in the last few years – meaning that we don’t go to church every Sunday. This is mostly due to the fact that we work every other weekend.
To please our parents we went church hunting. We found this church we love, however they require that you be a parishoner for 6 months before you are allowed to set the date. We are planning to get married in November, and we just joined the church in December 2008. Thus by the time 6 months comes around, and IF the date is avaialable, we would have only 5 months to plan a wedding- not leaving us with many options for recpetion locations and vendors.
So, we decided to look elsewhere. We found a church that we don’t love as much but will do. They are able to wed non-parishoners. However, I’ve been playing phone tag with the priest fo 1.5 months. And in the last 2 weeks, he’s never called back.
I’m extremely frustrated! This is all for the fact to please our parents when we actually prefer a non-church wedding. Now, we are thinking that although we will let our parents down, we will go our own way and make our decision to have a non-catholic wedding. Anyone have any advice?
Post # 3
I’ve totally been there!! Both my fiance and I were raised Catholic but we decided that we did not want to marry in the catholic church — which was NOT okay with our parents. And although our parents are paying for the wedding — it is our wedding, not theirs. So my fiance and I set aside a period of time and really thought about why we did not want a Catholic wedding. (We were away for a weekend and literally talked about it for about 3 hours!) We wrote everything down, pros, cons, etc. Then we took the time to sit down with our parents (we decided to do it individually so it could be a 100% open honest conversation) … and they understood. They told us we were adults and it was our decision. So now we’re creating our own ceremony and I’m so excited about it.
Long story short – my advice is to make sure you are ready to "fight" for your decision — and do it! The ceremony is the most important part of the day (and is sometimes over looked) this is when you will marry your fiance. This is what the day is all about. Dont do it for someone else!
Good luck with it.
Post # 4
This is a tough one. Are your parents paying for your wedding? If they are, it makes it a little harder to do the "this is my wedding and I do what I want" thing. Personally, I’d have the wedding where I wanted to have it. Can you incorporate religion into the ceremony, as a compromise with your parents?
Post # 5
If your parents are insisting on a Catholic ceremony, I assume that they must be parishioners themselves somewhere. Most priests allow the children of a member to be married in the church.
What specifically are your cons about marrying in the catholic church? Considering that your parents are footing the bill, you may have to just placate them. Perhaps if you and the groom agree to pay for the ceremony, you may have more flexibility. The cost the church/ceremony site is deminimis compared to other expenses that day, and really, it’s the most important.
Is there an idea you have about your ceremony that would be very meaningful to the two of you that would not be possible in the church? If so, explain this to your parents. There isn’t any harm in that. They may surprise you.
Post # 6
i’m Catholic as well and let me tell you… this is just the tip of the iceberg. apart from choosing a church that will let you get married there, you’ll have to take the marriage prep (pre-cana) classes and several other things.
so, if your true desire is to get married in the Catholic church, you really have to want it. since you aren’t a regular church goer this decision will be a lot harder. getting married in the Catholic church is not something to take lightly by any means. both of YOUR hearts really have to be into it.
and my last bit of advice, that even my Catholic born and raised father told me, DON’T do it to please your parents. do it because you and your fiance want it. do it because it’s going to be an example to your future (or maybe current) children. do it because you hear God’s call. do it because, in both yours and your fiance’s heart, it’s what feels right. if you decide not to get married in the Catholic church it will be fine. later on, as you are building your new life together, God will call you both if and when the time is right to bring Him back into your life. and in turn, your parents will learn that you made the right decision and respect you for that. you’ll also learn that no matter how much you "screw up" or make decisions that aren’t in agreement with your parents, they will still love and support you in the end.
Best of luck to you and your fiance in whatever decision you make! 🙂
Post # 7
Could you have a ceremony in another location and just have a Catholic priest officiate and perform the ceremony? You may not have all the elements of a traditional Catholic wedding (perhaps no Eucharist, etc.) but you might find a priest willing to perform the ceremony in some other ‘religious’ type place (Try checking out university chapels – theyre non denominational and they have no membership requirements! All you do is bring in your officiant).
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2009 - Eastside Catholic Chapel and Lake Union Cafe
Do you have any Catholic High Schools or colleges around? They are usually more flexible with your time frame. We went with Mr. Joey’s school because neither of us belong to a parish and they were fine with that.