Trouble with future in-laws

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
7257 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

anon17anon :  Awww bee. I’m sorry. At the very least, she’s not saying your dress is ugly, just that she is so freaking selfish that she thinks because she wants to wear something “fancy” that you need to change your whole vibe. She’s probably a narcissist. I’m dealing with someone in my own life who is one and it’s really helpful for me to remember that it’s a mental illness. It isn’t really meant to hurt you, it’s that she is incapable of thinking of anyone but herself. You don’t need her support nor her permission. It’s your wedding and it’s going to be awesome. And if she shows up to your casual wedding in a prom dress she’s going to be the one who looks like an idiot. 

Chin up. Go back to not letting her know anything that’s happening. Definitely let your FI tell his sister to shut the hell up. Have exactly the wedding you want. She’s just a guest and none of your other guests get to dictate anything, right? 

Post # 3
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Honestly if she wears a prom dress to a wedding where the dress code is casual or cocktail she’s going to look and feel like an idiot. You told her what you’re wearing, have FI follow up with what the dress code is and if they want to look idiotic too bad for them. You don’t need to print any photos taken of them.

Post # 4
Member
3717 posts
Sugar bee

Oh, Bee. Some people just always seek the spotlight. Do you. Rock your dress and continue to plan your day your way.

Your FILs don’t seem particularly concerned with your happiness so your FI may have to spin his discussion in their direction by telling them he is concerned for them as they will appear out of place and look ridiculous in their prom dresses, get the side-eye, be the butt of jokes, whatever he needs to say so they think it’s in their best interest to choose something more appropriate. And if they don’t? Well–they will look ridiculous!!! And you will be having so much fun you won’t notice or care. Hugs. 

Post # 5
Member
540 posts
Busy bee

Your fiance should take the issue of their behavior towards you up with them privately. However, going forward, do not give them any details anymore about the wedding beyond what the general guest receives. Send out the invite, tell them it’s casual dress, and leave it at that. They will look like idiots showing up all glittered up. No reason to expose yourself to their antics.

Post # 6
Member
5780 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

anon17anon :  UGH.  How over bearing!

I would simply reply back and say, “ha ha, nope, I’m sticking with my dress.  Feel free to wear wahtever makes you feel wonderful, but my input is that the dress you’re looking at is a bit formal for the event.”

And I’d just leave it at that.  Who cares is she shows up in a prom dress?  She’s the one who’ll look silly and you can feel satisfied that you took the high road.

Post # 7
Member
1990 posts
Buzzing bee

Aw, I’m sorry, they sound awful. I would stop texting with her, honestly. Your phone is suddenly on the fritz and they need to communicate through your FI instead.

A bunch of grown women in prom dresses at a non-trad outdoor wedding are going to look ridiculous.

Post # 9
Member
7257 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

anon17anon :  OOooo… yeah one of my SILs was kind of nasty about our wedding too and I really got the feeling it was because she just went to the courthouse after having two kids with him. She didn’t even RSVP, which was annoying because we didn’t know if she was bringing a guest. I’m sorry. It really sucks. Most of my family members really get along with their in-laws so I have a really hard time dealing with the fact that I don’t. 

Post # 10
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Why do so many people have problems with their sisters-in-law? I don’t get it…my mom was always good friends with my aunts and I expected the same with my fiancé’s sisters. Nope! 

Post # 11
Member
1611 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

Actually, at this point, I’d hope she does wear the prom dress! She may get some attention, but it won’t be good!

You can’t control her or how she acts, only how you respond to it. You and your fiance have planned the weddding you’ve dreamed of- enjoy it! And, don’t let her pull you down!

Post # 12
Member
1922 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

OP, they will look like overdressed idiots in their elaborate prom dresses at your casual wedding, trust me on this. Stick with your dress, I am sure it’s lovely and fitting for the occasion. They will stick out like sore thumbs if they go with these dresses and not in a good way. 

Post # 13
Member
6904 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2050

anon17anon :  They’re the ones who will look silly. Just let them look silly. It’s too bad you showed them your dress and they took that opportunity to criticize, but since that’s already done, there’s nothing to do but ignore them and let them make fools of themselves.

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