Post # 1
Regular Bee going anon here.
Thanks in advance to anyone who reads this and please excuse my typos. I’m on my phone and rather upset.
I’ve had a lot of issues through the wedding planning process with my future sister in law. She has been extremely critical of anything my fiance and I decide. Because of this, I have pretty much stopped sharing info with her unless absolutely necessary and have pretty much excluded her. We even declined her offer to help with the wedding financially because of how critical she is.
Well, yesterday she was sending me photos of dresses she thought she and her mom may wear to the wedding (which is non traditional, pretty casual, and outdoor). The problem is these were PROM DRESSES and way more elaborate than my wedding dress! Like who wears a prom dress as a guest to a wedding?! My dress is very simple. So i decided to send her a photo of my wedding dress to show her what my fiancé and I were more thinking of in terms of the formality for the wedding. I thought it would solve this problem but was nervous about her response. She actually suggested that I can GET A NEW DRESS TO ACCOMMODATE HER and that it should be more formal.
Bees, I started crying. I hadn’t shown her my dress prior because I was afraid of the criticism but I didn’t know what else to do! It seemed like the logical solution to show why that formal of a dress was nowehere near appropriate to wear. I’m so upset over this. I talked to my fiancé and he said he feels like he needs to sit his mother and sister down for a conversation because I have been getting a lot of backlash from them. I agreed, but asked him to wait a few weeks so it didn’t seem like I was forcing him to speak for me.
I don’t even know that I’m looking for advice here. I mean, it would be nice and I’m totally open to suggestions if you have any. Mostly, I just needed to get it out because I’m so upset over it.
Post # 2
anon17anon : Awww bee. I’m sorry. At the very least, she’s not saying your dress is ugly, just that she is so freaking selfish that she thinks because she wants to wear something “fancy” that you need to change your whole vibe. She’s probably a narcissist. I’m dealing with someone in my own life who is one and it’s really helpful for me to remember that it’s a mental illness. It isn’t really meant to hurt you, it’s that she is incapable of thinking of anyone but herself. You don’t need her support nor her permission. It’s your wedding and it’s going to be awesome. And if she shows up to your casual wedding in a prom dress she’s going to be the one who looks like an idiot.
Chin up. Go back to not letting her know anything that’s happening. Definitely let your FI tell his sister to shut the hell up. Have exactly the wedding you want. She’s just a guest and none of your other guests get to dictate anything, right?
Post # 3
Honestly if she wears a prom dress to a wedding where the dress code is casual or cocktail she’s going to look and feel like an idiot. You told her what you’re wearing, have FI follow up with what the dress code is and if they want to look idiotic too bad for them. You don’t need to print any photos taken of them.
Post # 4
Oh, Bee. Some people just always seek the spotlight. Do you. Rock your dress and continue to plan your day your way.
Your FILs don’t seem particularly concerned with your happiness so your FI may have to spin his discussion in their direction by telling them he is concerned for them as they will appear out of place and look ridiculous in their prom dresses, get the side-eye, be the butt of jokes, whatever he needs to say so they think it’s in their best interest to choose something more appropriate. And if they don’t? Well–they will look ridiculous!!! And you will be having so much fun you won’t notice or care. Hugs.
Post # 5
Your fiance should take the issue of their behavior towards you up with them privately. However, going forward, do not give them any details anymore about the wedding beyond what the general guest receives. Send out the invite, tell them it’s casual dress, and leave it at that. They will look like idiots showing up all glittered up. No reason to expose yourself to their antics.
Post # 6
anon17anon : UGH. How over bearing!
I would simply reply back and say, “ha ha, nope, I’m sticking with my dress. Feel free to wear wahtever makes you feel wonderful, but my input is that the dress you’re looking at is a bit formal for the event.”
And I’d just leave it at that. Who cares is she shows up in a prom dress? She’s the one who’ll look silly and you can feel satisfied that you took the high road.
Post # 7
Aw, I’m sorry, they sound awful. I would stop texting with her, honestly. Your phone is suddenly on the fritz and they need to communicate through your FI instead.
A bunch of grown women in prom dresses at a non-trad outdoor wedding are going to look ridiculous.
Post # 8
MexiPino : You’re so right, honestly. I just feel like she thinks I’m not doing enough for her brother and it really hurts my feelings. I think part of it may also be that she never had a wedding so she’s trying to dictate what i do to compensate? Idk.
k8goeslz : I feel like it would totally ruin everything though because we’re only having 20 guests and everyone would focus on her. But you’re right. I would NOT print those photos 😅
beethree : Thank you! He is going to talk to them but I asked him to wait as to be clear that he is speaking for himself, not for me. That’s a good thing to mention.
chocolateplease : I was totally trying to do this. I don’t know what came over me that made me think it was okay to share my dress. This is the plan!
cbgg : you’re right!
Post # 9
anon17anon : OOooo… yeah one of my SILs was kind of nasty about our wedding too and I really got the feeling it was because she just went to the courthouse after having two kids with him. She didn’t even RSVP, which was annoying because we didn’t know if she was bringing a guest. I’m sorry. It really sucks. Most of my family members really get along with their in-laws so I have a really hard time dealing with the fact that I don’t.
Post # 10
Why do so many people have problems with their sisters-in-law? I don’t get it…my mom was always good friends with my aunts and I expected the same with my fiancé’s sisters. Nope!
Post # 11
Actually, at this point, I’d hope she does wear the prom dress! She may get some attention, but it won’t be good!
You can’t control her or how she acts, only how you respond to it. You and your fiance have planned the weddding you’ve dreamed of- enjoy it! And, don’t let her pull you down!
Post # 12
OP, they will look like overdressed idiots in their elaborate prom dresses at your casual wedding, trust me on this. Stick with your dress, I am sure it’s lovely and fitting for the occasion. They will stick out like sore thumbs if they go with these dresses and not in a good way.
Post # 13
anon17anon : They’re the ones who will look silly. Just let them look silly. It’s too bad you showed them your dress and they took that opportunity to criticize, but since that’s already done, there’s nothing to do but ignore them and let them make fools of themselves.