Trouble with Future In laws

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

what was the reason for not inviting you?

Post # 3
12103 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

sumshine.dawn:  if you’re living together, you should really be invited.  You FI should talk to his brother.  Also – congrats on the wedding planning!

Post # 4
2841 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

sumshine.dawn:  I think this is something that you should let you BF and his brother sort out- props to you BF for “taking your side” for lack of a better way to put it.

I would not attend a wedding- especially a destination wedding- without my SO, assuming we had an established relationship.



I had never met my cousin’s gf- (they live in Cali) but there was no way I would have him and not her.  They lived together and had been together awhile.

Post # 6
2977 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

To answer your question, its your BF/FI’s family, it is his decision on how to deal with it. Do not go to his brother directly with your complaint under any circumstances. Your BF by not going without you is standing up for you. He doesn’t have to make a big deal or scene about it.

Post # 7
153 posts
Blushing bee

sumshine.dawn:  Your BF should talk to his brother and basically tell the bride to suck it up.. it was a joke! 

Post # 9
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

sumshine.dawn:  You should be invited. Your BF is in the right place to not want to attend if you are not invited, and I think he should stick to this. If you want to be invited so that you both can attend, then he has to be the one to approach it with his brother.

Post # 10
110 posts
Blushing bee

I think it would be a great misfortune if he missed his brother’s wedding and he would probably regret it. Regardless of the size of the guestlist, that is his brother and he should want to be present. The two of you aren’t married yet and honestly, he’s not obligated to invite anyone he doesn’t want there. It’s a bit cold but it’s the reality of the situation. I think your bf should talk to him and be honest with how he feels but he should also be prepared for his brother to be okay with him not attending, if he really feels this way. 

Post # 11
2766 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

How incredibly rude of him! Have your bf talk to him. It’s not really your place. I don’t blame your bf for not wanting to go. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t be invited so if his brother is that crappie then oh well if he doesn’t go!

Post # 13
1295 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015


sumshine.dawn:  So, a joke that your grandmother said to you, offended her? Well, sounds like she’s a little high maintenence and needs to get the hell over it.

He shoudn’t miss his brothers wedding. I’m sure he’ll hear about it later, and the blame would probably go on you. He should talk to his brother about having you go though. But then again, when you get married, you could “not invite” her. It’d only be fair, right? And there wouldn’t be any reason for her to object, that’d make her a hypocrite.

Anyways, I HATE my sisters boyfriend. He takes advantage of my sister/ family, overall just a bad person and a complete loser. Yet, I’m sucking it up and inviting him to my wedding because my sister is with him. Is it what I want? No. But I’m doing it because I love my sister and don’t want any issues in the family.

Just my opinion.

Post # 14
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

You should def let him talk to his brother about it! He needs to (and I’m sure willing to) stick up for you and more importantly, your relationship.


Post # 15
7872 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your bf should talk to his brother. I agree that as you are his long term gf (and live in partner), it is a serious insult to both you and him if you aren’t invited; and I agree he shouldn’t go if you’re not invited (though it’s his decision). So he should tell his brother, “I’m not attending if Dawn isn’t invited.” Your bf should tell him ASAP, so his brother has plenty of time to decide whether to reverse the decision.

p.s. You say “I do respect the bride and that it is her wedding” – wrong, it is THEIR wedding. bf’s brother needs to be told now, so he can deal with whether he wants his wedding spoiled.

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