Post # 1
My husband works out of town and is home once a week each month. We just got married this September and moved into the house around July. So I have only got one weekend each month with husband. I have laundry list of things to do with husband like assemble nightstand we also plan to drill hole back of the nightstand to put a power bar inside the drawer, cover air conditioner because of winter etc. My husband does laundry at our house so I have two to three loads of laundry with shirts need to be iron before he leave next Friday and also cook two weeks of food for him. My problem is my Mother-In-Law, she keeps wanting my husband spend time with her and would try to make any excuse. Like after our wedding she keeps complaining this uncle who went to our wedding is leaving back to his country soon so need to meet him. Tomorrow there is a Christmas party which my SIL is hosting. My SIL is another issue but let’s focus on Mother-In-Law. So my Mother-In-Law wants dinner at 4 pm so that she can go play mahjong with her inlaws afterwards which she does every weekend already. My husband is going I am not because I am mad at both of them. My Mother-In-Law wants us to join them for breakfast but we live 45 minutes to 1 hour drive away from them. If we go breakfast then we will be stuck at their home all day which means we won’t be able to get things done at house. She complains that my husband should have breakfast with my parents before New Years. Now this is the reason why I am not going to the Christmas party. This Christmas party is hosted by my SIL. My SIL does not work, she stays at home and watches tv all day and eat that is why she is overweight. My SIL loves attention that is why she has this Christmas party which consists of my in laws and my husband’s cousin. My Mother-In-Law was planning to host a Christmas party at her house on Dec 25th inviting my parents. But since my husband will not be there my parents and I declined. So Dec 25th is the official Christmas party otherwise my Mother-In-Law would not make dinner at 4 pm. My Mother-In-Law didn’t realized that my husband this weekend is only weekend my husband will be here in December when she allowed my SIL to host Christmas party. So my Mother-In-Law tried to invite my mom to breakfast with them tomorrow and try to make us guilty that my husband would not have chance to have Christmas meal with my parents. I told her straight out well if the SIL didn’t have the party in her small condo my husband would be able to spend time with my parents and his parents. I already send list of things my husband needs to do this weekend with my for the house to my Mother-In-Law. When we moved in, my parents helped us with the house and they didn’t help at all but bring ppl over for a tour and pretend they helped. It is unfair that her son when he comes he needs to make time for her while I have to handle the entire house. I work full-time so I only have weekends available to deal with house issues. She doesn’t seem to care that I have burden taking care of the house. I think she isn’t happy we move far away from her but my job pays well, I got promotion and commute home and to daycare once we have a kid is good. Right now I don’t care what she thinks so I will say whatever it is on my mind even if it is considered rude to my husband. I want her to leave us alone so cannot be polite to her. Just need advice.
Post # 2
You sound so entitled and rude it’s actually ridiculous …
Firstly… that comment about your SIL being overweight, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Secondly, they have every right to want to see their son once and a while. The reasons she’s giving sound completely reasonable.
Lastly, you genuinely think house chores is a valid reason to keep your husband away from his parents? I could complete your entire list in two hours with my toddler attached to my hip.
Your husband obviously wants to see them too, so why throw a hissy fit, why not go WITH him?
I haven’t had a full weekend off with my husband in two years, it sucks, but that’s life.
Post # 3
I read your post…. and my advice is put more effort into getting along with his family. Even if it is hard at first.
You will be married to this man (hopefully) for the rest of your life so his family will be a part of your life. It is easier to like someone than it is to dislike and avoid them. I can’t see the faults in them you are seeing. They want to see their son/brother. Fair enough. It sucks about how his job is and you cannot see him much however you would have known this before you got married so how was it working beforehand?
Also… if he gets to come bac from work… maybe dont just task him up with a million things… he may want to have some down time with you and his family instead of ust work.
I really feel you need to change your attitude… so I guess, that is my advice
Post # 4
If I was your husband I would be less than thrilled to have a chore list waiting for me when I come home ONCE A MONTH. Are you not capable of doing shit yourself?
All of the things you listed that he is supposed to prioritize over seeing his family would take less than an hour for you to do yourself. You should be more than capable of assembling a nightstand and drilling a hole in the back of it. Hell, when we moved into our home I assembled and arranged ALL of our furniture because I was home a lot more often than my Fiance.
The comment about your sister in law is rude and immature and speaks volumes about your character.
My advice is to get the hell over yourself. You are not the only person in your husbands life.
Post # 5
Well I feel like I got sucked into the vortex of the minutiae of domestic details – ffs OP why not do the nightstand stuff yourself, sounds like a very easy job.
And did you seriously ” I already send list of things my husband needs to do this weekend with me for the house to my MIL” . do this ? I should think you are making a laughing stock of yourself. And as for ” She doesn’t seem to care that I have burden taking care of the house.” why on earth should she – it’s what we all do , all the time , or we get a cleaner in if we can afford it.
Really OP, this is silly little princess behaviour and you need to snap out it and start engaging with your husband and IL’s in an adult manner.
Post # 6
You are a grown arse woman with working limbs and should be able to do things yourself. Geez I have seen disabled people put together furniture without a fuss.
I had to be on my own for three months while my Fiance was away working. At first I was afraid of being on my own but I had set a routine to stick by. I actually enjoyed doing things by myself, I cooked my own meals, I did the house hold chores and even started to fix up the house on my own.
Yes I even went around and saw FI’s family while he was away as well as my own. It is called being an adult with responsibilites.
How about tackle some of those things on the list yourself, I bet once you accomplish them you will feel better about yourself and your husband will be proud of you. Also he should see his family, I’m sure you would kick up a fuss if he forbade you from seeing your family.
PS we don’t care if his sister is overweight.
Post # 7
Honestly you’re the only one that sounds unreasonable here. What’s your DH’s opinion on any of this? Did you ask? Do you plan to make him stay home and do chores throughout all the holidays?
Also why so salty about SIL? Throwing a Christmas party for family doesn’t sound in the least bit selfish. And her weight and what she chooses to do with her time is none of your business.
Hope these comments give you some perspective/a reality check.
Post # 8
Why can’t you assemble flat packed furniture without your husband or hire a handyman? That seems like such a ridiculous reason for you to not let your husband visit his parents, never mind the fact that you shouldn’t dictate that fullstop. I am struggling to understand why laundry is a reason for your husband to stay at home.
You sounds ridiculous in this post. You haven’t mentioned once what your husband actually thinks, do you even care?
“It is unfair that her son when he comes he needs to make time for her while I have to handle the entire house”
If your husband was away for work then you’re only cleaning up your own mess, why does he have a long list of chores when he comes back?
Post # 9
This is utterly ridiculous. You can assemble furniture yourself, especially an end table and it doesn’t take anything to cover an air conditioner.
THIS IS HIS FAMILY. HE DESERVES TO SPEND TIME WITH THEM THE ONLY TIME HE IS HOME IN DECEMEBER.
Do you honestly expect him to do shit around the house you could easily do yourself instead of seeing his family? Not to mention how judgemental and spoiled you sound. His sisters weight? Yeah that has NOTHING to do with you or the question you’re asking. They are right, you are wrong. Let him spend time with his family and go with him or your marriage isn’t going to last much longer.
Post # 11
I think if the OP had written it more like “i only see my husband one weekend a month and would like to enjoy that time together” people would be onboard. Instead, she writes “I only see my husband one weekend a month and he needs to do his chores before going out to play” LOL.
I would 100% be on board with spending time with your wife > mother, but not just to do chores =\
Post # 12
I was going to say just this. I think it’s entirely acceptable to want to spend couple time with your husband for your first Christmas together especially if you only get to see him once a month. That’s got to be painful. I also think once you’re married, spending Xmas with your spouse and any kids are at a higher priority than your parents or your spouse’s parents. I wouldn’t want to drive out 45 mins for breakfast and confine myself at a relatives place for Xmas either.
That being said, I’d be pretty bummed if I came home and had to do 3 weeks worth of laundry and assemble furniture. With him gone, it’s probably all of ops laundry anyway. Is op especially dainty or something? I’d understand if there was a kitchen reno or something being done, but ops reasons are quite stupid. Sounds like someone needs a more effective and sensible plan for sharing of chores!
Post # 13
That comment about your SIL is actually vile, and made me not even want to read further. I don’t care how awful someone is. That comment was way out of line. You sound entitled and if I came home once a month to a list of chores I’d be less than thrilled.
Post # 15
I -think- OP means DH brings his laundry back home for her to do so she has 3 loads of clothes to wash/iron + cook for him…so basically you’re upset that you are busy and have things that need to be done around the house but the in laws want you and DH’s free time…I think I can sympathize with that. However, does DH have a problem with the amount of attention his family wants? (Also c’mon now, I figure you’re just venting but there’s no reason to attack your SIL on her weight….)