Trouble with In-laws

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

You sound so entitled and rude it’s actually ridiculous …

Firstly… that comment about your SIL being overweight, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Secondly, they have every right to want to see their son once and a while. The reasons she’s giving sound completely reasonable. 

Lastly, you genuinely think house chores is a valid reason to keep your husband away from his parents? I could complete your entire list in two hours with my toddler attached to my hip.

Your husband obviously wants to see them too, so why throw a hissy fit, why not go WITH him?

I haven’t had a full weekend off with my husband in two years, it sucks, but that’s life.

Post # 3
Member
562 posts
Busy bee

I read your post…. and my advice is put more effort into getting along with his family. Even if it is hard at first.

You will be married to this man (hopefully) for the rest of your life so his family will be a part of your life. It is easier to like someone than it is to dislike and avoid them. I can’t see the faults in them you are seeing. They want to see their son/brother. Fair enough. It sucks about how his job is and you cannot see him much however you would have known this before you got married so how was it working beforehand?

Also… if he gets to come bac from work… maybe dont just task him up with a million things… he may want to have some down time with you and his family instead of ust work.

I really feel you need to change your attitude… so I guess, that is my advice

Post # 4
Member
2847 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

If I was your husband I would be less than thrilled to have a chore list waiting for me when I come home ONCE A MONTH. Are you not capable of doing shit yourself? 

All of the things you listed that he is supposed to prioritize over seeing his family would take less than an hour for you to do yourself. You should be more than capable of assembling a nightstand and drilling a hole in the back of it. Hell, when we moved into our home I assembled and arranged ALL of our furniture because I was home a lot more often than my Fiance. 

The comment about your sister in law is rude and immature and speaks volumes about your character. 

My advice is to get the hell over yourself. You are not the only person in your husbands life.

Post # 5
Member
10003 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
vortex :  

Well I feel like I got sucked   into  the vortex of the minutiae of domestic details  – ffs OP why not do the nightstand stuff yourself, sounds like a very easy job. 

And did you seriously  ”  I already send list of things my husband needs to do this weekend with me for the house to my MIL” . do this ?  I should think you are making a laughing stock of yourself. And    as for ” She doesn’t   seem to care that I have burden taking care of the house.”  why on earth should  she  – it’s what  we all do , all the time , or we get a cleaner in  if we can afford it.  

Really OP,  this is  silly little princess behaviour and you need to snap out it and  start engaging  with your husband and IL’s  in  an adult manner. 

Post # 6
Member
328 posts
Helper bee

You are a grown arse woman with working limbs and should be able to do things yourself.   Geez I  have seen disabled people put together furniture without a fuss. 

I had to be on my own for three months while my Fiance was away working.   At first I was afraid of being on my own but I had set a routine to stick by.  I actually enjoyed doing things by myself,  I cooked my own meals, I did the house hold chores and even started to fix up the house on my own.  

Yes I even went around and saw FI’s family while he was away as well as my own.   It is called being an adult with responsibilites.   

How about tackle some of those things on the list yourself,  I bet once you accomplish them you will feel better about yourself and your husband will be proud of you.   Also he should see his family,  I’m sure you would kick up a fuss if he forbade you from seeing your family. 

PS we don’t care if his sister is overweight.

Post # 7
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Honestly you’re the only one that sounds unreasonable here. What’s your DH’s opinion on any of this? Did you ask? Do you plan to make him stay home and do chores throughout all the holidays?

 

Also why so salty about SIL? Throwing a Christmas party for family doesn’t sound in the least bit selfish. And her weight and what she chooses to do with her time is none of your business.

 

Hope these comments give you some perspective/a reality check.

Post # 8
Member
5747 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Why can’t you assemble flat packed furniture without your husband or hire a handyman? That seems like such a ridiculous reason for you to not let your husband visit his parents, never mind the fact that you shouldn’t dictate that fullstop. I am struggling to understand why laundry is a reason for your husband to stay at home.

You sounds ridiculous in this post. You haven’t mentioned once what your husband actually thinks, do you even care? 

 “It is unfair that her son when he comes he needs to make time for her while I have to handle the entire house”

If your husband was away for work then you’re only cleaning up your own mess, why does he have a long list of chores when he comes back?

Post # 9
Member
708 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

This is utterly ridiculous. You can assemble furniture yourself, especially an end table and it doesn’t take anything to cover an air conditioner. 

THIS IS HIS FAMILY. HE DESERVES TO SPEND TIME WITH THEM THE ONLY TIME HE IS HOME IN DECEMEBER. 

Do you honestly expect him to do shit around the house you could easily do yourself instead of seeing his family? Not to mention how judgemental and spoiled you sound. His sisters weight? Yeah that has NOTHING to do with you or the question you’re asking. They are right, you are wrong. Let him spend time with his family and go with him or your marriage isn’t going to last much longer. 

Post # 10
Member
918 posts
Busy bee

Is this a joke?

Post # 11
Member
8267 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think if the OP had written it more like “i only see my husband one weekend a month and would like to enjoy that time together” people would be onboard. Instead, she writes “I only see my husband one weekend a month and he needs to do his chores before going out to play” LOL. 

I would 100% be on board with spending time with your wife > mother, but not just to do chores =\

Post # 12
Member
534 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
jellybellynelly :  I was going to say just this. I think it’s entirely acceptable to want to spend couple time with your husband for your first Christmas together especially if you only get to see him once a month. That’s got to be painful. I also think once you’re married, spending Xmas with your spouse and any kids are at a higher priority than your parents or your spouse’s parents. I wouldn’t want to drive out 45 mins for breakfast and confine myself at a relatives place for Xmas either. 

That being said, I’d be pretty bummed if I came home and had to do 3 weeks worth of laundry and assemble furniture. With him gone, it’s probably all of ops laundry anyway. Is op especially dainty or something? I’d understand if there was a kitchen reno or something being done, but ops reasons are quite stupid. Sounds like someone needs a more effective and sensible plan for sharing of chores!  

Post # 13
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

That comment about your SIL is actually vile, and made me not even want to read further. I don’t care how awful someone is. That comment was way out of line. You sound entitled and if I came home once a month to a list of chores I’d be less than thrilled.

Post # 14
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

View original reply
vortex :  you are obnoxious!  

Post # 15
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I -think- OP means DH brings his laundry back home for her to do so she has 3 loads of clothes to wash/iron + cook for him…so basically you’re upset that you are busy and have things that need to be done around the house but the in laws want you and DH’s free time…I think I can sympathize with that. However, does DH have a problem with the amount of attention his family wants? (Also c’mon now, I figure you’re just venting but there’s no reason to attack your SIL on her weight….)

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