(Closed) Trouble with my FSIL

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
46415 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You should be surrounded by women who love and support you on your wedding day. I’m not sure where she qualifies. I don’t see that you have any duty to include her.

Post # 4
Member
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Hey, you just wrote a long post about what a miserable person this woman is. Why oh why would you possibley even consider asking her to be a BM?

Post # 5
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

I wouldn’t ask her to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man and I sure the hell wouldn’t feel bad about it.

Post # 6
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Hell no.  Why are you even considering it? 

Post # 7
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I wouldn’t ask her to be a brodesmaid unless your Fiance wanted to include her. It doesn’t sound like the two of you are close so I don’t see why she would need to be included.

I think that you might want to step back and see your role in this relationship. It will drive you crazy if you sit there and think that she is competing with you or jealous of you. You don’t own PDA, sewing, or baking. Maybe she doesn’t see a lot of people her age doing those things and you sparked an interest in her, who knows. Try to take her for her word and move on or every little thing she does is going to drive nuts.

Post # 8
Member
2750 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

The last thing you want is to extend an olive branch this way and risk her sabotaging your day.  Find another occasion or another time to mend bridges.

Post # 9
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t even know why you’d consider asking her. My fiance’s brother is married to a woman with similar competitive traits as your fiance’s brother’s wife, and the thought of including her in our wedding party never even crossed my mind.

 

Post # 11
Member
1290 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

HELL NO! And this makes me glad Fiance is an only child. πŸ™‚

Post # 12
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I know i’m alone here but I say yes ask her, keep the family peace. It’s one day vs a lifetime of family stress. Be the bigger person and feel bad for her lack of self image. For yourself limit your time with her on the day, put her at the other end of the table etc. One day isn’t worth the fallout even if it is your wedding day.

Post # 13
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think it’s no secret to the rest of your family how this girl behaves. You said yourself that they made concessions for her when you first got engaged in order to not upset her. I think they would understand if you didn’t want to include her.

It would be one thing if she were your FI’s actual sister, but hey, this girl sounds pretty terrible. Not that I wish divorce on anyone, but if she’s this awful, then maybe she won’t be around forever. So I wouldn’t worry about keeping the family peace. As I said, I bet you they wouldn’t question you NOT including her.

How does your Fiance feel about you not including her as a bridesmaid?  Would he support that decision? If he’s on board with you not including her, and he understands why, then I think not including her is the answer. You wouldn’t include a friend who wasn’t being supportive of your marriage, and from the things that you’ve said she’s saying/doing, it sounds like she’s doing everything she can to be UNsupportive.

Post # 14
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@invisbleme:  NO. You need to say something along the lines of “As your chose your bridal party without me, I would think you could extend me the curtesy and allow me to choose mybridal party”. Say you love her and thank her for your participation, but you have chosen your party.

If your DH’s brother gets up, he needs to be reminded that you were not included in her party, she had the right to choose who she wanted, and you should be extended the same curtsey.

She will come to your fittings saying her Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses were better than yours, come to your bridal shower saying hers was better, and try all sorts of things to take it over.

 

SAVE YOURSELF THE GRIEF AND KINDLY CALL HER AND TELL HER NO THANK YOU. AS SHE WAS ABLE TO CHOOSE HER OWN PARTY WITHOUT YOUR INTERFERANCE YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO THAT SAME.

Post # 15
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

IMO, brides choose bridesmaids and grooms choose groomsmen, right? You usually choose people that you love because its an honour and a way of showing how you feel and sharing your special day with them. I dont think you should reward her behaviour by giving her any kind of honour.

Maybe you could try and sit-down and chat with her about how you feel? Ask her outright if she has a problem with you. I realise this is difficult, especially as people with low self esteem tend to lash out when criticised…but it might help clear the air if approached in the right way? 

Good luck and try not to let girl-drama interrupt your wedding planning excitement! πŸ™‚ 

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