(Closed) Trouble with Weeklong Trip with his Sister

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

First thing first refuse to engage, it seems like there is pettyness and cattyness on both sides just juding from the unflattering things you said about fsil.

I think first certain thing and behavior your Fi needs to set sister straight on if she being blatently rude. Second you guys don’t have to do all family visits together. For exampe if Fi wants to go for five days some days are going to be the weekdays. A good comprimise would be you saying you can’t take the days off at work, and coming down just for the weekend. That way your Fi gets to spend the time he wants with his family and you have a quicker visit.

 

Good luck

 

Post # 5
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@CandyCornCandy:  I would not be ok with this. And yes, this will be an issue for the rest of your life.

I would talk to your Fiance about it. I would come up with a list if situations in which his Future Sister-In-Law treated you badly that he can not ignore. And then say, “if she were not your sister I would not even want to hang out with her, but because she is your sister and I’m marrying you, I will love her as much as I can. My even going there with you is a compromise, can you make a compromise too by us staying in a hotel? It will be better for all of us if I am not around her 24/7 and what I really want is to have a good relationship with your family.”

Just do your best not to attack your Fiance. When you talk to his about this please don’t say he has to “choose” or anything weird like that. Make it sound like you’re tweaking and improving his plan.

Post # 6
Member
7735 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Why can’t he go alone?

You can cite the excuses “2 visitors will be too much trouble” (which for me with a newborn would certainly have been true) and “It’s good for him to spend time with his sister”.

Post # 7
Member
11 posts
Newbee

I must say you are handling the situation so well. I was in this exact situation except mine lived close by. After the first about 6 months of our relationship she asked me to be in her wedding. Sounds sweet right? WRONG? She had already gone through 2 maid of honors and was on to me to fill the 4th spot in her wedding party. After the event I melted down to my future husband explaining that I was unable to deal with her and the family (mainly because they went along with everything she said) something had to give. Luckily because of my honesty, he explained that I was not the first girlfriend she had done this to and because he did not want to lose me, he would stand up to her and the family. We literally had a sit down conversation with her and basically said that we would not put up with the lies, bitchiness, cattiness, etc. anymore. She still went around and around but needless to say we ended with knowing that we would have to have boundaries with her from now on.

Hopefully you can see from my story above you are not alone and I think honesty and kindness with your fiance will be the key to dealing with her. I would still participate in all major life events but have boundaries like only being around each other for certain amounts of time and not lengthy visits obviously. I believe it is a good idea when you visit to stay in a hotel. Buy them dinner, be sweet to her and sometimes when you are dealing with a know it all, let them talk, be vague because they love to hear themselves talk! The more they talk, the less you talk which means they have less amo in the long run. If you don’t give her anything to chew on, she’s got nothing on you.

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