(Closed) troubled family of the FI

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: should i tell my FI that his brother and nephews are NOT welcome at our wedding?
    YES : (6 votes)
    35 %
    NO : (5 votes)
    29 %
    Eh...maybe you can hire security. : (6 votes)
    35 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1222 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    How does our Fiance feel about it? I understand where you’re coming from, but is he going to be okay w/ you being like out of the blue, “Btw honey, they’re NOT invited”.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1537 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    This whole situation puts you in a tough spot. Unfortunately you have to leave it in your FI’s capable hands to make this decision. You’ll be putting yourself in a terrible position if you try to put your foot down and not allow their attendence. Have you had experience in the past of these individuals causing trouble at your home or events? If it’s all just hear say than your judgement might not seem 100% warranted to your Fiance. Tread very carefully here. Family is family. They may not be your blood, but they will be your family too once you tie the knot.

    Post # 5
    Member
    4824 posts
    Honey bee

    You should tell your concerns about their history of theft to your fiancée because that is a valid concern (for the sake of your guests), or if they have a history of making a big scene due to being on drugs.  But the fact that they are users and have been to jail are not valid reasons by themselves to forbid their presence.  See what FH has to say first and then move from there.

    Post # 7
    Member
    5273 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    This is a sticky situation, but it is one of those situations where you have to let your Fiance decide. Better or worse, these are his siblings/family and he needs to be the one with the say if they will be at his wedding or not…

    Post # 8
    Member
    1269 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    You can voice your concerns but shouldn’t put your foot down.  Ultimately it has to be up to him.  He might be on the same page though.  My Fiance and I were on the same page about his sisters on-again off-again boyfriend who is also her unborn childs father.  I mentioned the guy shouldn’t be invited and Fiance wholeheartedly agreed.  If he didn’t agree, I would’ve said ok.

    Post # 9
    Member
    4824 posts
    Honey bee

    Agree with the PP, you cant do the dirty work. Your fiance has to decide to do this and then do it himself (you can however very clearly make your concerns heard and maybe suggest FH asks a trusted relative to keep and eye on them)

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    4137 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    this is fi’s family, so it’s fi’s decision. if he decides to invite them, i would ask someone/a couple of people to “babysit” them and keep an eye on them all night.

    Post # 11
    Member
    5993 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    although i agree with the others that are saying its his family and his decision im more on the side of “hell no” and in the relationship i have with my hubby i know i could make the call and he support/agree with me

    as a guest, if i find out that the grooms junkie family helped themselves to my purse or cash gift i would be beyond pissed if the bride/groom knowingly put me in that situation. i def think security will be needed and even then you cant hire someone to watch everyones purse

    goodluck, i really think its a sucky situation for you OP

     

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