- 5 years ago
First of, I would like to apologize now for how long and incoherant this post may get. I’m having trouble organizing my thoughts; so, I’m just going to let it all out. I’m am a frequent poster on the bee going under anonymous since I feel a bit uncomfortable about it. My wedding date and other info on my account was randomly picked. I am 23 and my SO is 24. We’ve been together for three years and though we’re not yet engaged; he has the ring and is waiting to pop the question. Now with that aside:
For the past couple of years my boyfriend and I have been having intimacy issues. During the first few months of our relationship everything was great. We would have sex frequently, a couple times a day, and several times during the week. I felt like I couldn’t get him to keep his hands off me. However, later on in our relationship things started to taper off, and sex became very seldom. At first, this was because of trust issues between he and I, because he felt uncomfortable knowing that a distant friend of his and I had relations long before my bf and I even got to know each other. I tried to be very understanding, and gave him as much time as he needed to heal, but things never really got better. After several months, we would get into fights about it. We would always try to talk it out, but we’ve tried to do that more times than I can count. We would somewhat come to an agreement and try to work on it, but things really never changed. It just became a repetition of fighting, making up, promising to try to work thing out, and nothing ever happening as a result.
I knew that he always had an interest in transvestite/shemale porn and I never had a problem with it. We even played with the idea of getting a strap-on to aid in his fantasies, but when we started having intimacy issues, this also became a negative role in our situation for me as well.
Now, for at least the past year and a half, we’ll maybe have sex once a month, twice if I’m lucky. I’ve really tried opening myself and putting myself out there for him to take but he always has some sort of excuse. He’s even said that it’s because of his anxiety medicine, but he’s been taking that since before the beginning of our relationship and we never had any problems then. I feel like I’ve tried everything in the book. I’ve tried to be patient, waited for him to make the move, dressed up, dressed down, tried different tacticts at being naughty and most often than not it doesn’t end well. He then feels like I’m forcing myself; so, I try to back down and give him his time and space. He says that I don’t even give him a chance to try making the first move, but I do. I really, really do, but usually it comes close to a month before anything happens. It almost seems like it’s a chore, or an obligation and I don’t want it to be regarded as that. I also don’t want to be too overbearing and needy. Sometimes I think that he does have sex with me out of pity because I complain to much about it.
It bothers me that while we’ll have sex so infrequently. he can spend so much time watching shemale porn (we share computers). He’s always talking about how attractive one of the girl is, or how he’s at work showing other people and I really feel a bit jealous and neglected because he never really oggles at me anymore. I am trying not to take it personally, but I just can’t understand and I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to rationalize it all. Is there something wrong with me? I know that I can be considered attractive, but I just really feel like I’m lacking because I don’t have what these girls can bring to the table. I know that’s not necessarily the case when people watch that sort of thing, but I just don’t know what to think right now. I know that it’s just a fetish, but I just feel like I’m not even a close second to sexual desires. I don’t understand how we can be so young and have thse issues, and it makes me worried about how things may come to be in the future. I’ve tried to be as okay with it as I can with his interest in this, and if we had intimacy more often then I don’t think I would be bothered, but I’m started to grow very insecure from the lack of physical affection.
It’s all come to a boiling point as of late, because my bf hasn’t been the best with his finances, miscalculated, and we owe double for my car (which I gave him the money for since it’s under his name), and insurance. We’ve come to the conclusion that I should manage our finances, and we’re really tight on money, but can thankfully manage to catch up and make these payments so we are up to date. Yet, I just found out that he just spend a decent amount of money to subscribe for shemale porn site memberships when we really can’t afford to be eating out at even a Wendy’s right now. Not only that, but when I try to talk with him and confront him about it, and explain how I’m feeling, he just constantly lies about it. I know that he might be lying out of guilt, but I just need him to be honest with me.
Any advice would be wonderful. I need to hear the voice of reasoning right now. Any help is appreciated. I’m sure I’ve probably forgotten to mention a few things, but I’m sort of rambling right now.