- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
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@howtobeawife: Consent can be rescinded after it’s given. Everyone (male or female) has the right to decide they don’t want to keep going with an activity they’ve already began; one ‘yes’ doesn’t mean a ‘no’ can never be given afterward. And being worn down until you say ‘ok’ to an activity you aren’t interested in is also not okay.
Pressured? yes? Rape? No. She did say yes and he did stop when she said no. If she said no and he kept going, then it would be a different story.
EDIT: Victem, yes. She is a victem or a more experienced person. If a history was shown of this behavior and manipulation then its a different story because we are now talking intention and forethought
Yes, she is a victim. He is the predator.
She said no.
It’s a fine line for me, but generally I would say yes she is a victim. There is definitely coercian involved, which can totally negate the fact that there was verbal consent.
I don’t know…
He stopped when she told him to stop.
He didn’t actually “start” until she said ok.
I’m going with she has every right to be upset, hurt, and feel like something was taken from her. I think she should seek counseling. I think she did not “ask for it” or do anything “wrong.”
But, I do not think she could accuse him of rape in court and have it stand up. Nor would I say he deserved to be accused of flat-out rape in court or something. He was wrong and coersive and she has every right to be angry at him, but I wouldn’t see him as a rapist either. Just a manipulative jerk.
From what I understand, he stopped when she said stop, right? So I don’t think she is a victim of sexual assault. He is definitely not very gentlemanly to keep badgering her after she has said no once. I think you could say he is immoral or a jerk, but I don’t think you can call him a rapist.
I feel sorry for Katie though. That is a sucky position to be in. I do find it a little odd though that Katie was so cautious at first (driving herself, only going out in public places) then made the leap to being alone with him, overnight, with no way home if things got hairy. That’s a harsh way to learn a lesson. Hopefully Katie finds the help she needs.
@howtobeawife: He is a predator who pressured her into sex. It was not at all her fault that she was there, was pressured, etc. I would assume by this ‘hypothetical’ situation that she was also intimidated. She was a victim, definitely. An attorney would have to answer if it was rape, that’s really tough since the last answer was a yes. But he should have also known better.
See? Rape = gray area.
@ThreeMeers: A agree with this.
I don’t consider what he did to be coercion either, unless something was actually done to suggest sex was required for her ride home. I wouldn’t say he did the right thing, but he didn’t do anything legally wrong, although that is dependent on the law where it occurred.
I don’t think she’s a victim, per se.
Every time she said no, the guy went no further; assuming he’d have maintained that pattern, she could have kept saying no all night long and they would not have had sex.
Not trying to downplay what sounds like a sucky situation, but sometimes in life, there are sucky situations without any victims.
I do think the older, more experienced guy was able to move her out of her comfort zone, but I don’t think it being late and her not having a ride is an excuse to just roll over and put out. I also don’t really know where the limit on how many times you can ask for sex is. I do think it’s okay for a guy to ask again— of course not 15 times, that is badgering, but is 3 too many times to ask? I think that sounds more like an immature guy who is trying to be persuasive, than a predator, especially since he stopped when she told him to.
I feel like the only difference between this post and the “Did I Cheat?” post is that they were both sober.
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