(Closed) deleted

posted 6 years ago in Legal
Post # 3
1856 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@howtobeawife:  Consent can be rescinded after it’s given. Everyone (male or female) has the right to decide they don’t want to keep going with an activity they’ve already began; one ‘yes’ doesn’t mean a ‘no’ can never be given afterward. And being worn down until you say ‘ok’ to an activity you aren’t interested in is also not okay.

Post # 4
1561 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@howtobeawife:  Yes, Kate is absolutely a victim.  Emotional manipulation and/or coercion does not equal consent.  A meek “OK” because you feel you “have to,” is something I wouldn’t consider consent.  Real consent is without any pressure or coercion.

Post # 5
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Pressured? yes? Rape? No. She did say yes and he did stop when she said no. If she said no and he kept going, then it would be a different story.

EDIT: Victem, yes. She is a victem or a more experienced person. If a history was shown of this behavior and manipulation then its a different story because we are now talking intention and forethought 

Post # 6
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Yes, she is a victim.  He is the predator.

Post # 7
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013


She said no.

Post # 9
1827 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i’m with @ThreeMeers:  here. she said “yes” (even though it was hesitantly), then a little while later said “no”. and he stopped. unfortunate, yes. victim, no.

Post # 10
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s a fine line for me, but generally I would say yes she is a victim. There is definitely coercian involved, which can totally negate the fact that there was verbal consent. 

Post # 11
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t know…


He stopped when she told him to stop.


He didn’t actually “start” until she said ok.


I’m going with she has every right to be upset, hurt, and feel like something was taken from her. I think she should seek counseling. I think she did not “ask for it” or do anything “wrong.” 


But, I do not think she could accuse him of rape in court and have it stand up. Nor would I say he deserved to be accused of flat-out rape in court or something. He was wrong and coersive and she has every right to be angry at him, but I wouldn’t see him as a rapist either. Just a manipulative jerk.

Post # 12
1481 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

From what I understand, he stopped when she said stop, right? So I don’t think she is a victim of sexual assault. He is definitely not very gentlemanly to keep badgering her after she has said no once. I think you could say he is immoral or a jerk, but I don’t think you can call him a rapist.

I feel sorry for Katie though. That is a sucky position to be in. I do find it a little odd though that Katie was so cautious at first (driving herself, only going out in public places) then made the leap to being alone with him, overnight, with no way home if things got hairy. That’s a harsh way to learn a lesson. Hopefully Katie finds the help she needs.

Post # 13
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@howtobeawife:  He is a predator who pressured her into sex. It was not at all her fault that she was there, was pressured, etc. I would assume by this ‘hypothetical’ situation that she was also intimidated. She was a victim, definitely. An attorney would have to answer if it was rape, that’s really tough since the last answer was a yes. But he should have also known better.

See? Rape = gray area. 

Post # 14
10589 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

@ThreeMeers:  A agree with this.

I don’t consider what he did to be coercion either, unless something was actually done to suggest sex was required for her ride home.  I wouldn’t say he did the right thing, but he didn’t do anything legally wrong, although that is dependent on the law where it occurred.

Post # 15
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t think she’s a victim, per se.

Every time she said no, the guy went no further; assuming he’d have maintained that pattern, she could have kept saying no all night long and they would not have had sex.

Not trying to downplay what sounds like a sucky situation, but sometimes in life, there are sucky situations without any victims.

I do think the older, more experienced guy was able to move her out of her comfort zone, but I don’t think it being late and her not having a ride is an excuse to just roll over and put out.  I also don’t really know where the limit on how many times you can ask for sex is. I do think it’s okay for a guy to ask again— of course not 15 times, that is badgering, but is 3 too many times to ask?   I think that sounds more like an immature guy who is trying to be persuasive, than a predator, especially since he stopped when she told him to.

Post # 16
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

I feel like the only difference between this post and the “Did I Cheat?” post is that they were both sober.

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