Post # 1
My fiance and I have been together for over a year, friends prior to that, we just recently got engaged this past April. To make a long story short, he was always the one everyone thought would get married last because of his “partying” habits. After I moved in with him in February i was using his computer when a skype message popped up, from a girl that was interested in him, and he was always interested in. As I was intrgued i looked at a previous conversation from the week prior, and a day “he was at work”, the 2 hour conversation consisting of dirty talk and plans to skip school/work on a friday and meet half way at a hotel. It killed me, why i didn’t leave then i don’t know. Well i just recently found out that they are still talking because the girl just happens to be in town this weekend. I had repeatedly asked him when i found out she would be in town if she tried contacting him. He told me no and that he didn’t even know she was going to be in town.
Now that i found out that he’s been lying i don’t know what to do. That trust is gone and to make it harder he knows this is exactly what i went through with my ex..to the T…yet he still did it.
Post # 3
I’m so sorry that this has happened to you. I would be heartbroken. I 100% consider that to be cheating, and I would leave if I were you. It will be hard to leave, but even harder to stay if he is going to cheat on you.
Post # 4
I hate to say it, cause I know how exciting it is when you get engaged… but leave him. If you have only been together for a year and this is what he is up to.. you are in for a rocky start to a marriage that will be lacking trust. Be glad you found out BEFORE you married him. This is cheating. Anything that involves flirting/lying and another woman, is cheating. He was going to meet her at a Hotel?? Oh my… be grateful you only spent a year with him, get your things and walk away. You are too good for him. He is obviously not ready to settle down, and you will be the one getting hurt. Good luck to you! Be tough!! *Hugs*
Post # 5
I’m sorry this happened to you. You know in your heart he’s not being honest, and he’s certainly not showing he cares about you, or your feelings. He cheated by what was spoken online, and the intent to do further than that was there. He’s still lying about her being in town. You don’t deserve this, cksmom324, and though it hurts, it’s time to give back the ring and walk out. A real man who deserves you and will treat you right will come along.
Post # 6
I’m sorry you are in this situation. Did you confront him after you found the conversation from February? Do you know if he actually skipped work and met this girl at a hotel? If so, it sounds like he may have cheated on you two months before you got engaged, right? You are early enough in your engagement to just put all wedding plans on hold for the time being until you can decide if you can be with him at all.
Post # 7
You have to walk away from this man. Someone who truely loves you wouldn’t do that. He obviously isn’t ready to commit.
I think you need to give him some time to think about what he wants. If you walk away now and he realizes what a mistake he made then it will be up to you whether you get back together (which could happen).
Please don’t just stay with him and give him a pass, it’ll only encourage this type of behaviour in the future.
Post # 8
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I’m so, so sorry to hear this!! I absolutely agree with the other posters that you should get out of this relationship. He is cheating and you deserve better.
Post # 9
No matter how much you love him, please, please leave him. Without trust, there is NO relationship. It may be hard, but I think it’s the best thing you can do. If he’s talking dirty with another women, who’s to say he hasn’t or will not cheat on you in the near future? I’m sooo sorry this happened. 🙁
Post # 10
leave the dirty bastard. i mean, seriously, don’t bother with someone who can’t stay faithful. you deserve more.
there are many fish in the sea! you may get your heart broken a few times, but somebody will come along and mend it.
Post # 11
I had a similar situation a couple years ago. We weren’t engaged, but had been together for almost 4 years, and living together for almost 3. I started noticing he was acting weird, and texting on his phone a lot. Finally, one morning, I couldn’t take it anymore, and I checked his phone. I found all kinds of text messages to/from a girl that I’d never heard of. Texts about wanting to see her, thinking about her…emotional stuff that really cut me. I confronted him and he told me that she was an ex who came back into his life, and that he was “confused” now, because talking to her had awakened all these old feelings. So I left. I moved out of the house we’d bought together and moved into a new apatment. But once I moved out and was gone, he realized that she wasn’t what he thought he remembered, and that I was the right one. We started talking about getting back together, but I made him earn my trust (and heart) back. He had to open up to me about what happened, about why he strayed, and he had to deal with the fact that I was going to untrusting and “paranoid” for a while. Eventually, we did get back together, but I stayed in my apartment for the full year of my lease. I moved back into our house after my lease was up, and 3 months later we got engaged.
So, in short, it doesn’t mean it’s totally over. If you love him, you don’t have to give up on him. But definitely tell him that you’re walking away until he’s ready to talk about what happened and why.
Post # 12
I went through this with my ex-husband. He kept promising to change, but kept cheating. It got to the point I was seriously concerned about my health. (My self-esteem and emotional health were in the gutter; I was so upset I couldn’t stomach anything except saltine crackers and water and lived on that for 2 months; and I had no idea if and who he may be sleeping with and what diseases he may bring home to me).
Getting cheating on is a horrible thing to go through. So is getting divorced. Get out now, it will hurt, but it will be better than if you wait.
Post # 13
I would go, and I would do it right now. He is cheating on you, and will likely continue to do so throughout your marriage.
Post # 14
this is such a terrible situation to be in. is there someone you can stay with for awhile? i think it is in your best interest to move out for now. personally, i would break off the engagment – but only you can decide if that is whats best for you.
from an outside perspective, i think that you deserve to be with someone who wouldnt even dream of doing this to you. i hope that this works out. my thoughts are with you.
Post # 15
I absolutely agree. My FI was trapped in a really bad relationship for the longest time, but he felt that he had to stay because the girl was pregnant. But he didn’t love her anymore, that love died due to her constant drinking, constant fighting with him, constant putting him down. So he would often resort to online dating. He didn’t leave the house, but he kind of like escaped to another world. Well he wound up working where I was working, and I told him that if he didn’t want to be in the relationship, then to get out. It would save a lot of hurt in the future, and if a relationship is dead, then you have to move on. He quit the online dating and left her. We actually became friends, we kind of already were friends, but it didn’t take long after that to realize how we felt about each other. I told him if there ever was a point to where he felt he couldn’t talk to me, or didn’t want to be in our relationship, that he needs to do his best to try to communicate with me. That honesty is the best policy, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I would expect him to want the same from me.
Dishonesty, mistrust and on top of that lying is no way to enter a marriage. I think besides communication that honesty is what is the foundation of a marriage. You really need to think twice before settling down with him, it doesn’t seem like he is too serious about this relationship, and you could do a lot better. Just give it some thought.
Post # 16
Abbyful put it best. RUN. He has broken your trust and doesn’t seem to mind that he did so. I would confront him about what you found and tell him that it hurt you that he would do this to you especially when he knew about your past. Lean on your family and friends and use their support to help you during this time. **hugs**