- sick and tired
- 9 years ago
- Wedding: September 2009
You all were so helpful last year when I was planning my wedding, and now I really need some perspective… thanks in advance.
We got married in September, we’d been dating for more than 6 years. Throughout those 6 years time we went through a lot of rough family-related drama, and several incidents of what I considered emotional affairs on his part. Because of said drama, I kept giving him second, third, fourth chances. When we got married I truly believed that he had changed. I never had real concrete proof that he had physically cheated on me, and I believed that he’d gotten help (counseling) for what caused him to seek these emotional relationships with other women — the need to feel that he was needed, and that only he could help them with whatever they were dealing with. I know, most women would have kicked him to the curb the first time, let alone the second. But I didn’t, for whatever reason(s). So please, don’t judge.
That being said, just before last Christmas a client of my husband’s (he’s a personal trainer) contacted me and claimed to have had a sexual affair with him. At the time, this was so unusual — the woman offering up this info — and of course his explanation was so rational, that I wrote her off as a little crazy and never heard another thing about her. Until today, of course, when I found out he has been training her twice a week for almost a year. Oh, she neeeeeded him. She could ONLY get results as HIS client… that’s why he “so reluctantly” agreed to work with her again after what she said to me. They’ve also had phone conversations every couple of days for at least the last two months, sometimes lasting 30 mins.
After hearing that, I kicked him out, something I’ve threatened but never followed through on before. Whether or not something actually ever happened between them, which I realize I’ll never know the truth about, the fact is — to me — that he didn’t even consider how his having contact with this woman would affect me, or our marriage. This, after all we’ve been through, after all the times I told him it was a struggle for me to trust him at all, to not jump to suspicions sometimes. It never even occurred to him that it might upset me to know that someone who openly admitted to me – true or not! – about sleeping with my husband was seeing and speaking to him on a regular basis, without my knowledge? How is that possible?
I just don’t know how I’ll ever be able to trust him again. I feel disrespected and disgusted. But I also feel crazy. And a little hypocritical. Has anyone repaired their trust in their relationship after something like this? Can someone just tell me I’m not losing it?