(Closed) trust issues

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 5
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think its normal for girls to be jealous, especially if their husband/SO is displaying any interest in a women. Of course it doesn’t mean he is cheating, but its okay to perk up and get ahold of the situation.

When you said he came clean, that means , Yes, he did hook up with her or he just finally gave you an answer?

Post # 7
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

So, he cheated on you while you guys were dating??? And now he’s friends with/talking to this girl again??

 

Red flag… (for me, at least)

Post # 9
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’ts totally understandable to be jealous it’s humanly normal, the thing is how you handle it.

I don’t know how open you are to each other but try to talk to him, ask him again if he had something to do with this girl and tell him (even if it’s in a joking way) that it makes you uneasy cause you’re jealous of her. Don’t confront him, try to be nice and playful and cute, give him a jokingly puss in boots face before telling him and laugh about it.

 

Even if nothing comes out of it you might at least get a piece of mind.

Post # 10
Member
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@cherrycoke: Okay first off, you say it’s hard to trust him because he lied… but those lies were when you were dating. If you’re married now, you either should have moved past that as a couple and not have trust issues from that, or you shouldn’t have married a guy that you don’t trust. I’m sorry if that’s harsh. As for this second girl, I have tons of guy friends and Fiance has tons of girl friends, in real life and on Facebook. Are you uncomfortable with the fact that he’s friends with a girl? If it’s that you think he slept with her in the past, ask him. If he says no, then I’m not sure why you wouldn’t believe him since you married him very recently, I would imagine you wouldn’t have married a man you don’t trust.

Post # 11
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I see what you saying. You can’t seem to get a straight and truthful answer, judging by the last time, so how can you every know what he is telling you truth wise today?

Sounds like he has some communication issues, since he is “embarassed” about talking to you about certain things. Maybe counseling or some serious chats, so he can better understand how to talk to you and what you need to feel safe and loved in this relationship.

Post # 13
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Coffee cup: +1 for puss in boots faces!

Post # 14
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Honestly, I’d be uncomfortable too. I think you and I might be alike, where things like that just don’t sit well with me, and I know it would slowly eat away and you’ll build it into a full blown secret life and affair!!!

So, like @coffeecup said, just ask him. You’re married, it shouldn’t be a big deal to communicate about things like that, and just be sort of cute and curious, not accusatory, and he should be able to assuage your fears.

Post # 16
Member
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@cherrycoke: So this isn’t a recurring trust issue, it’s that it was fine but this particular incident is making you remember the last time? If that’s the case, then I personally wouldn’t be teasing or joking with my Fiance about it, I’d straight up ask him at let him know that I’m serious. That’s my own relationship dynamic so maybe yours is different. But if I were you I’d explain why you’re uncomfortable, that you trust him but this girl is bringing back the memories of the last time, and that you want to know the entire truth, and you’ll believe him and stop asking no matter what he answers. I think that if you play it off jokingly he won’t take you seriously and may not think it’s a big deal to you. I’ve never had jealousy issues quite like this with Fiance, but in cases where knowing the truth about his opinion or an event was extremely important to me, that’s what I did. And once Fiance realized how much it was really bugging me, and that it wasn’t just an offhand comment that I never thought about again, he has always sat down and had a good discussion about whatever the issue was, because he would never want me to be uncomfortable in any part of the relationship.

Did all that make sense? I really think that if something is bothering you, just be honest about how important it is. Obviously don’t accuse him, but let him know it’s on your mind.

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