Post # 1
I saw that my fiancé was searching for his ex on Instagram, but more than just once. My phone had died and I used his phone (with his permission and he was right beside me) to look for something on Instagram. When I typed it in the search bar her name was already there. This happened the first time in December and then again in the summer. I ignored it the first time and just told myself everyone gets curious about an ex it doesn’t mean anything, but when I saw it a second time I confronted him. He lied and said his friend had recently brought her up so he was curious, would have made sense to me the first timer but not the second. Now I’ve got major trust issues and worry he’s talking to her or seeing her behind my back. Am I overthinking things or do I have a reason to be worried? He’s never done anything anything else to cause me to not trust him.
Please please please be kind and gentle in the comments I’m going through a really tough time right now and I just need some support.
Post # 2
- Wedding: May 2019 - City, State
How do you know he lied about that? The first things that pop up when I search on instagram are people that I have never searched for or profiles I’ve never even looked at. If they have a lot of mutual followers, that could be why she pops up.
If he’s never done anything else to make you question whether you can trust him, I’d bet it’s safe to say you’re over thinking this one a bit.
Post # 3
Thank you for your reply. It was always in his recent searches. If you scroll down under suggested it says recent
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2019 - City, State
jules18 : It could just mean he hasn’t searched for anything else recently. And I don’t think it’s implausible that he searched a while ago out of curiosity, and a friend mentioned her more recently like “oh did you see ex got a tattoo etc etc etc.”
How long have you been together? How long ago did they break up?
Post # 5
I search my exH and my fiancé searches his exW. It’s just curiosity and doesn’t mean we want to get back with them.
I think it’s natural. Plus SM makes it easy because people put their lives out there for everyone to see. It’s no different than me searching Justin Bieber and caring about his life.
Post # 6
I do think it is a bit of a jump to go from – instagram history – to he’s talking/seeing her behind your back,
I absoLUTELY love my SO, and would never stray from him, but I promise you sometimes my ex pops in my head and a quick insta stalk to settle my curiousity of how their life is going.
Please don’t put your partner straight into the shit box, if you TRUST HIM, beleive him, if he has done nothing to prove this distrust, then you really need to look internally as to why this distrust has come about from something so small.
If this is causing you great distress, talk to your SO, let him know your thoughts & feelings. Make sure this is about YOU and how you feel, not about him ‘lying’ or ‘cheating’ on you. But otherwise this would not be a hill I would want to die on.
Post # 7
I think you are way way too far into your own thoughts right now. I freaking love my husband more than I have ever loved another man and he is the most amazing man… my ex is a cheating douche bag and we’ve been broken up for years, but yeah, occasionally curiosity gets the best of me and I look at his Facebook. But that doesn’t mean I’m suddenly planning on starting an affair with him 🙄
Post # 8
- Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse
I’m an over thinker so I totally understand where you’re coming from.
I’m also a big believer of listening to your gut and to your heart. If you haven’t had any other issues or any other reasons to doubt him, I’m sure everything is fine.
Not gonna lie, I’ve looked up exes multiple times. Does it mean I want to get back with them? Hell no. It just means I’m curious.
Post # 9
I don’t think it means anything unless he requests her on instagram and starts liking her photos or messaging her.
I’ve looked up exes recently because my husband and I will be moving back to my home town for a few weeks while we wait to close on our first home. I was just curious to see if they still live in the area and if there’s any chance I’ll run into them. I’ve also looked up exes in the past if I heard something crazy about them. I have no desire to get back with any of them, or even be friends with them, I just looked them up out of innocent curiousity
Post # 10
I do have to admit that this is why social media is the worst when it comes to relationships.
Post # 11
I just looked at my searches on Instagram and only one out of the top five accounts listed have I searched for recently. I think it’s flawed TBH. But anyway, there’s a difference between having private one on one convos with an ex versus silently observing from afar. We all want to see who our exes are dating now, if they have kids, if they grew out of their awful ways, what trouble they’re in, etc. talk to him. Say it’s bothering you and want to know if they still talk. If they do, that’s a whole different can of worms.
Post # 12
If he has truly never behaved in any ways that would indicate that he isn’t trustworthy, I’d take him at his word. People get curious about their exes. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything.
I’m absolutely committed to my relationship and I don’t have even the slightest urge to leave or cheat on my fiance or to seek emotional intimacy from anyone in my past. I do, however, sometimes get curious about guys from my past and will creep their facebook profiles and stuff. It’s interesting to see where people end up.
Post # 13
I’m way over my most recent ex. In fact, I’m so over him that I had a dream about him the other night. I was trying to be friends with him and his current girlfriend, and she was all for it, he was against it. We were both dream-mad at him. Haha!
In any event, his insta is private, hers is public. I check up on them without any jealousy. I’m just curious to see how he and his dogs are doing. It’s good to see all of them happy.
That being said… I never reach out to him to chat, never like any pictures. I just observe from afar, maybe twice per month whle I’m doing my insta rounds. It really depends on the “why” of him checking up.
Post # 14
jules18 : In a perfect world, none of us would ever search up our exes. That said, emotions don’t exist in a vacuum and sometimes we just get curious. Sometimes we feel insecure in our own relationships and look up past ones as a reminder or a temptation…maybe one we’d never act on, but one nonetheless.
I don’t find searching up an ex terribly concerning BUT if your gut is telling you that it is more than simple curiousity, than 9 times out of 10, your gut is right and I think you should press the issue. Additionally, the fact that you jumped to the conclusion that the reason he gave you is a lie tells me that you have more than a hunch that this isn’t totally innocent.
Post # 15
I “check up on” my exes like 2x a month just out of curiousity. I would never, ever contact them and have no intentions of doing anything besides just looking at their most recent pics and thinking “ok” and clicking out lol.
Curiousity is a weird thing, and there are usually no motives behind it other than just being nosy about someone you used to know. Same thing I do when looking up old or ex- friends.
I would just talk to him and let him know how you feel. It really is the only thing that will ease your mind. We can tell you all day long about our own experiences but nothing compares to talking with your SO about an issue to make you feel better.