- 8 years ago
- Wedding: November 2012
I need some serious advice.
The husband and I have had a horrible 24 hours. He’s currently overseas for the military. This is our first christmas as a married couple. I’m trying to get over there, but these things take time. Last night, on christmas eve, we were talking on facebook and he said “I’m going to get food, be right back.” SIX HOURS later, he called me, the drunkest he’s ever been. He’d bought a bottle of whiskey sometime earlier without telling me and went out to party with a bunch of guys and said a bunch of stuff while he was drunk that he claims he doesn’t remember and didn’t mean. He knows I’m not okay with that type of behavior and I don’t like him to drink. Once he’d woken up after a nap from his drunken stupor, we spent the entire night/morning screaming at each other.
Needless to say, I was, and still am upset.
He and I have had so many problems in the past. We don’t have very many people to support us, and there has been an issue with him and another girl earlier this year. He’d been having a very inappropriate conversation with her behind my back while I was at school. He picks bad influences as friends. He adds girls to facebook when I’ve asked him not to because thats what got him into trouble to begin with.
He says he loves me more than anything. How could he do stuff like this if he does? I understand people make mistakes. But he will make a HUGE mistake, and then beg me to forgive him, and then pick fights with me about little things and make smaller mistakes, then every few months make another really huge mistake and expects me to totally forget about his past screw ups.
I feel like such an idiot for being with him. I watched my parents go through this, I don’t want to repeat their marriage. We are only 2 months in, how am I supposed to get him to grow up and be a man that I can love and respect? Things were supposed to change when he went to boot camp. He was supposed to get his act together when we got married.
How can I trust him? I feel like I am trying so hard to make things work and he just keeps breaking my heart. I have no idea how this is going to work. I find it so hard to forgive him. It’s like he will sabotage any progress we’ve made on purpose. I ask him why, his answer is always “I don’t know” or “I wasn’t thinking” or “I really don’t have an answer.”
I can’t think for him, and it’s like he totally forgets I am with him unless he can physically be with me. This has been a problem since the beginning of our relationship, and I really thought it was the crowd he hung around, but not anymore. I think this might bother me more than anything because he’s in the military, he can’t be like that. He acts like he’s single unless I’m there to watch him. I feel like he refuses to think about the consequences to his actions before he does them. He didn’t feel like any of this would be a big deal, and usually acts like I’m upset over absolutely nothing.
Don’t get me wrong. He isn’t your typical douchebag guy no smart girl should be with. He’s not all bad….its just the bad often far outweighs the good. I have no idea what to do with him.
Please help, I have no idea what I should do or where I should go from here. I can’t take any more of his screw ups.
P.S.- He is well aware of my feelings. I’ve told him all of what I’ve said here, he promises to straighten up, but where have I heard that before?