- 5 years ago
Last weekend I was caught red-handed snooping through BF’s phone. Didn’t do it on purpose, but I saw a photo pop up and clicked on it. Opened to the message and it was from his ex (have 2 kids together). Didn’t recognize the number at first. It was something dumb, but I read previous messages that had some “playful” verbiage that upset met; a guy doesn’t write that type of stuff to his ex, IMO. Second after I read that he walked in…
Background: She is very needy. He is too nice. Does more than his fair share of helping support her. He left her, and believe it really pissed her off. Her “meal ticket” was now gone. She texts often, calls at most random times (late in the evening…sometimes very early in the morn). I’ve had a tough time figuring out whether or not it’s my business to say something. I’m one who gets nervous to speak up, afraid of the fight or being told I’m nosey. I never felt he would cheat on me, but my gut said (still does) that she wants him back. They’ve maintained a frienship for the kids’ sake, and I applaud that. I’ve never spoken ill-will of her out of respect of her being the kids’ mom, too. I have an ex and a little boy…know how tough it is.
After he confronted me, I didn’t say much. Think I was shocked at what was said and the fact that I was caught. He asked what I was doing, and I said I didn’t know…I asked if he wanted to be with me, and he said yes…asking what I read, what I wanted to know etc…Told him I needed some space and took a walk. Wasn’t too long after he found me. We talked, I cried, and apologized profusely. Admitting how wrong I was for looking at his phone. Never should’ve done it. He noted that they were friends and did communicate due to the kids, which I understand. Have no issues. The “playfulness” makes me uncomfortable. Imagine he would feel same if roles reversed. I had a gut feeling something was “off” due to the late night texts and phone calls. He said he was sorry, too, and that he wouldnt converse w her like that anymore. And that I can call him every 5 minutes if it makes me feel better. I’m not that girl. And I won’t ever be. I don’t want to be her. I promised I would never pick up his phone again. And I wont. Also explained that if he wanted to “play around” that he could, but I’m gone. We kissed and made up, and he’s been wonderful since considering.
Thing that gets me is that he wasn’t mad. He said it was pretty sh*tty, but wasn’t mad. Part of me wanted him to be mad at me. I really did think me being caught was the end of our relationship. Know that it is a big privacy invasion for some. I felt better after the talk but still felt, and feel, like crap. We talked about the situation again a couple days later, and what bothered him the most was me thinking that it was the end of our relationship. We’re adults, not high schoolers. He’s in this for the long-haul and not going anywhere, noting we’re making plans for 6mo, a year. He’ll make little jabs about the phone since (you know my phone better than me!) and it stings, but its deserved.
I really do trust him. Its moreso her. He has a very playful personality which I do love, but not with her. Anyone else I wouldn’t think twice. I feel I’m a fairly confident women, but I’ve been hurt before. Insecurities can creep up. My previous relationship he didn’t fight–held the door open and said here you go. I found someone who won’t give up and run. Even with my screw up.
What can I do to ensure him that I do trust him? How can I repair? I know it takes time, but I’m willing to put forth the effort and fix this.