(Closed) Trust Issues/Caught Snooping

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 18
Member
2570 posts
Sugar bee

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Post # 19
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Well, I don’t understand why she’d be laying down with him. Maybe she meant her son?

Here’s the thing, you either trust him or you don’t. If you don’t then you can either walk away now or keep waiting to see if he lives up to that distrust. If you do then you have to believe him. Either way don’t come between 2 parents who are trying to raise a child together. He either has feelings for her and is lying or he doesn’t and you can’t argue him out of it if he does.

Post # 20
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

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acsweetpea:  Umm, my SO did not earn my trust by letting me go through his phone. He earned my trust by showing me that he has strong moral character and by the relationships he has with friends and family as well as his innate kindness and fairness to everyone.

I give him privacy in his personal affairs because it’s none of my business. I would REALLY resent him if he started nosing into my relationship with my son’s dad. Cheaters are smart so even phones and emails can’t tell you everything. You have to either trust him and take the leap or you’ll spend your whole life checking up on each other and I couldn’t deal with that.

Post # 21
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

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juliaGG:  I guess we just see things differently. My SO is my partner for life. His personal affairs are my business. His friends are my friends, his family is my family and vice versa. What is there that he needs privacy for? I don’t feel I need privacy from him, i share everything with him. We both have children from prior relationships and we are both involved in everything that happens between us and our ex’s. It’s us together in everything so I don’t see what is there that has  to be so private when this person is part of me.

And no you don’t earn trust going through a phone but you can break it by keeping it off limits and secret

Post # 22
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

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acsweetpea:  I guess we do! I just feel that everyone is entitled to a bit of privacy. If he were making a big deal about not sharing something with me I’d feel weird about it, but I’m not going to go around looking into his stuff. I guess we are both very private people except with each other so I feel like he tells me anything that is important to him. As someone who is private with the rest of the world I understand that while some things arent necessarily “secrets” there are things that you maybe don’t feel the need to talk about with anyone. I don’t feel like I need to know every little detail. 

Post # 23
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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juliaGG:  +1 Fiance and I are the same way. Everyone deserves a little privacy. 

Post # 24
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

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Yipeebee:  haha! It makes life so much easier. I’ll reply to messages for her too, especially if she’s in the shower. 

Post # 25
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Have I misunderstood something here…? Why are you apologising for discovering your partner is ‘laying down’ in his words with his ex? Id find it odd that she was staying the night anyway to watch her child at his place but now it sounds like they’re having cosy sleepovers while you’re not around…and YOU feel guilty??

x

Post # 27
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee

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oklahomagirl1147:  You sound very, very naive.  I don’t think this relationship is going anywhere.  His baby mama stays at his house (hmmmmm), she says she wants to lay down with him, and he gave you a “look” when you almost answered his phone, it would’ve upset him?  The horror!  What a snooping bitch you are! *sarcasm*

Wake up and smell the trust issues – they’re HIS, not yours.

Post # 28
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

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oklahomagirl1147:  some guys just have that sexual innuendo in their humor. I think I would admire that he and the ex can stay friends. BUT! If you two are serious and committed already, but the ex is over at his house because of their son, they both should be have better boundaries so that you feel comfortable. 

I felt a bit uncomfortable reading your posts because they reminded me of times I have felt insecure with a guy. Even more helpful than analyzing this friendship with the ex, would be to do two things – look at the relationship as a whole and look at your own feelings of security. Is there anything more you can do perhaps to get over past hurts such as counseling, spirituality or spending more times on your hopes and dreams outside of the relationship?

Post # 29
Member
2730 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m totally confused by all of this. You picked up his phone, not intending to snoop, but saw messages from his ex saying “I’ll be home soon to lay down with you”. And you’re relieved he isn’t mad at you for looking in his phone (because normally he’ll give you a ‘you know better than to touch that phone!’ look…like a parent to a child ready to grab a cookie… ummm)?? You aren’t going to question further why she comes home and lays with your boyfriend while you’re not home? And it’s just ‘convenient’ for her to watch their son in your home??

Yeah you shouldn’t snoop.. yeah you should trust your partner.. and everyone dseerves privacy… but this situation sounds suspicious and I am all for protecting yourself first. I wouldn’t just let this one go so easily.

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