(Closed) Trusting that it WILL happen

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

Hmm, I might have some advice to offer, because I have felt exactly like you feel. I also think it depends on where you are as far as discussing engagement is concerned. I looked at some of your other posts, and it looks like you guys have talked about rings, and he’s enthusiastic about marriage- that’s great! At least he has taken some incentive.

I struggle with these feelings too. I have’t gotten as far as even talking about rings, but I alternate between thinking I just need to be quiet and let it happen, and thinking that conversations and decisions about our future should involve equal input from both of us. This is where I start to feel bad too- when I feel like something so important concerning my future is beyond my control. It’s not a good feeling. 

Another bee just posted about how her SO informed her that he will propose to her within the next year. I think that it’s possible to have a conversation with him about plans for the future, and at least get a loose idea of when things are going to happen. It won’t spoil the planning and the surprise for him, and you will get the reassurance that you need. Once that happens, perhaps it will assuage some of the anxiousness you’re experiencing. 

Post # 4
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee

Well I’m trying Embarassed really am. He says it will happen “soon enough” which does not really mean anything to me. His last realtionship he let drag on for 6 years, he finally proposed to her but tells me he knew it would never even happen anyway and just did it so she would shut up. So he pretty much screwed her over, and never married her. (he knew me the whole time though as we were together when we were much younger) so I am hoping that was the case there and why he didn’t go through with it with her. Now that he is with me….i worry constantly that he is just telling me things to make me not worry or “shut up” but I can’t help but wonder if it will ever even really happen or if he is just completely a commitment phobe and never even plans on it or i’m just not the right girl. It pretty much drives me nuts. I am trying to be strong though and to be patient. And not say a word. I hope that he wouldn’t be with me if he didn’t want to marry me. We are in our 30’s. This isn’t a joke to me and I have known him for sooo long he has to know by now if he wants it or not. So in which case I realize that he is with me, he does love me, and he is working towards it…with his job and making money and proving to me lot’s of things and how he messed up in the past so I keep my head up.

hugs for all the waiting bees…..and here’s to hoping we all will get our wish.

Post # 5
Member
320 posts
Helper bee

This is the exact reason I have had such a hard time ‘saying nothing’ up until this point. I’m a very proactive person, and I too have feared that if I don’t intervene, results wont happen. That’s the way I am in my social life, my job, and unfortunately in my waiting as well. I spent so long being quiet about the engagement issue that earlier in the year I decided to start speaking up about it more, and while I haven’t beat the subject to death like I’m sure a lot of girls do, it hasn’t seemed to do any good. So I’m going back to being quiet, and I’m just going to wait and ‘have faith’. It is going to be soooo difficult though

Post # 6
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Trying to keep my mouth shut about the ring/wedding date is starting to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. We’ve talked about getting married for 2 years, been together almost 3 (first 10 months we only dated online – he was deployed and ‘found me’ on myspace lol) Anyway, I know that for allot of things, he jsut plain forgets, or procrastinates. I know he loves me. I know he wants to marry me. Everyone knows we will tie the knott… sometime… eventually.

This is killing me. He knows to talk to my best friend about all the ring info (I’ve sent my BFF lots of emails of rings/sites) but he just wont- I donno, find the time?

Most of the Bees that have replyed talk about the control thing- wanting to plain stuff out and get the ball rolling. For me, its that we have talked about it for so long, and there has been no progress, I just feel like he’s stringing me along or somthing, but then I know that isnt the case. Just drives me NUTS! 

If my best friend dosnt tell me he called her by X-mas, I’m buying one (or 4 lol) of the Diamond Candles I saw in another thread. Maybe he will get the hint. A girl can hope, right?

Post # 7
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

@JessieK: I hear ya. We have talked about it for about a year- got off to a rough start on the subject. Now, I feel like I’m in a cycle that goes like this: we have a good, reassuring conversation about it, but no actual resolve is reached- the future remains this nebulous thing. I drop the subject. A few months pass. Neither of us say a word about it. I start to worry. I bring it up again. We have a good conversation about it…aaaand you see how it goes.

Last time I brought it up, he kind of told me that I could give him ideas for a proposal. It hasn’t come up in three months since then, and when I’m the one who has to constantly bring up the subject, I feel like I am nagging, and it makes me feel like he isn’t enthusiastic. 

Post # 8
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@Berkana:  Are you dating my SO? Heh, maybe they are related or somthing.  I’m at the point where I just dont say anything at all anymore. Well, thats not true- I, like you, dont say anything for a while, then bring it up, we have this wonderful heart felt talk…. then nothing. I’m so glad I found this board cuase I only have one friend I can vent to about this. I just keep telling myself his family would seriously disown him if he  dosnt marry me, not to mention I’m sure some of his friends would kick is butt for letting me slip away. He and I are best friends, and I know for a fact that we have renewed a few peoples faith in love, and what a partnership should be. It just breaks my heart that yet again, I’ll be going to weddings this year, always the Bridesmaid or Best Man, never the bride. And for the record, I dont  want a big wedding, and I want an Asha ring. Or any ring. I jsut want a shiny!

Post # 9
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I had a huge problem trusting that it would happen too!! Fiance would tell me that he can’t ask if I’m always bugging him about WHEN?!?!! He told me to forget that I knew it was coming (I stumbled upon this info) but I’d always say I can’t ever forget that! lol.

Sorry I have no advice. But just know I was in that same situation and it DID happen and he DID catch me 100% off guard.

 

Post # 10
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Berkana: ditto! It is very hard to feel like such a big part of your future is out of your control, and men just don’t seem to get that.

Post # 11
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

@JessieK: Haha! Oh dear. I’ll tell you what, if I figure out any tactics to break that cycle, I will report back to you, or maybe the whole board for that matter since it seems more than a few bees are having the same issue. It sounds like you’ve got a great relationship otherwise, though. That’s the thing that keeps me going- I know my SO and I are meant for each other, and that gets me through the tough days…along with a good, strong dose of WeddingBee. 

Post # 13
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

@Berkana: That is EXACTLY how the conversations with my SO and I go. Reading your reply almost freaked me out, actually. It was eerily similar haha.

Although I’m happy that the conversations have gotten a little easier, I’m also glad to know I’m not alone in the convos going in that cycle!

Post # 14
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

@MisfitPrincess: and @authentic: This is why I love this board! I also feel a lot better knowing that I’m not the only one going through this. I will be rooting for you girls to get engaged! I know every situation is different, but I will definitely make an update if I manage to make any progress during our next conversation, if there’s any useful advice to be had. 

 

Post # 15
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I can totally relate about the ‘cycle’ of communication – I think the topic/progress happens like every 3 months then not much is said/shown for the next few months until I bring it up again.. Boo!

And yes I love rooting for all the ladies on the board, especially the longer termers! 🙂

Post # 16
Member
2949 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@Wannabee Mrs.G.: I agree with this wholeheartedly. I wish I could just go after what I want but then I try to remind myself that this isn’t just about me. My SO has said that he wants to be the one to propose and to make it special and I want to respect his wishes and trust that he will do it and not take the proposal away from him *sigh* 

 

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