(Closed) Trying (and failing) not to cry.

posted 5 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Yes.  I feel so bad for you and your sister.  14 is nuts.  I have a crack/heroin addicted niece who gets preg if she smiles at someone.  She has custody of none of her kids.  I’ve spent more time with one of her children than she has, and I currently live 15hours away.  It’s amazing and awesome when she posts of FB about how some animals are better parents than people, how she misses her kids, or how a child can’t survive without a mother’s love.  She’s in her 20’s now, and recently, as in a day ago, has access to a computer.  We normally don’t know where she is.

We’ve been told short of a miracle, it’s not happening for us.   

Your sister is 14, she has no NO idea what motherhood is about.  My niece has 10years on her and still thinks the kids are there to give her love. I actually have no words of wisdom or great insight other than do what you can for the baby.  Be the best Aunt ever, don’t forget holidays, take the baby for overnights, vacations, expose the baby to experiences.  That’s what I do.  It’s like a punch in the gut everytime she announces (since she’s resurfaced I’m sure that announcement will be forthcoming).  You can’t take that out on the baby tho.  I’m way more involved in her kids lives than I ever thought I’d have to be, but it matters, it will make a difference.  good luck

 

Post # 4
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@AcheneMalefic:  I can’t give advice. Nor have I ever been in this situation. I just wanted to say I’m so sorry you are going through this. You are not a bad person for not being there for her. Hugs girly! Hang in there!

Post # 5
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t have any advice for you but I just wanted to reach out and say I’m sorry about your situation and I know it sucks. 🙁

Post # 7
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Wow – I can’t imagine learning my 14 year old sister might be pregnant.  Even without the added stress of your own TTC challenges, no 14 year old is ready and prepared to have a child and become a mother.

Post # 8
Member
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Sorry you are going through this. Just curious and it is way too early to even know if this would be an option from what you have written etc… but what if you and your Darling Husband adopted her baby? Legally. Like right after baby is born? I know a couple who couldn’t conceive and her sister was not mother material and that is what they did. Just a thought, though at this time it is probably so so hard just trying to understand what is going on. ((Hugs))

Post # 9
Member
9074 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I sympathize with you. I went to school with a lot of people who got pregnant very young (I knew one who had twins at 14 and I graduated high school with a mother of four.)

I am so sorry for you and your family.

This is why I can’t enforce sexual education enough. This needs to be beaten into boys and girls heads as early as humanly possible. Birth control & condoms need to be easier to obtain and less shame surrounding them.

Still, stuff like this is going to happen. It’s incredibly depressing.

Post # 10
Member
73 posts
Worker bee

First off, I wish I could give you a big hug because I can tell that you are in a lot of pain because of this. I had a couple miscarriages and I know how hard that can be – however, please be careful about how you react to this. First, I am concerned about the fact that you are assuming that your sister did this in order to purposely hurt you. I think that it’s very dangerous to assume that. You said many times in your post that she is only 14. I have a daughter who is 16 and while girls at that age are very self centered, it is hard to imagine that she intentionally became pregnant as a way to hurt you. In the event that she did purposely become pregnant, it seems more likely that she just never even thought for a second about how it would affect you – or anyone else. She would have to be quite an “evil” person to do that.

Obviously, I don’t know her at all and can only speculate about her intentions. I just hope that you don’t impute evil intentions to her without knowing for sure (or as best as you can figure out). It would be very unfortunate if this permanently damaged your relationship with her if it was an accident (or was intentional but not because she wanted to hurt you). If she is pregnant at the age of 14, she is going to need all of the love and support that a big sister can give to help her get through this. While I know it will be hard for you because you desperately want a child, it will be extremely hard for her to go through all of this at her young age. I had my first child before I was ready, and it was hard – and I was much older than she is (just graduating from college). Even though my future husband was wonderful (we had been together for 2 years and had already decided to get married before the baby), I most definitely needed the love and support of my family.

You are both in my thoughts and prayers.

Post # 11
Member
2840 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@AcheneMalefic:  I am so sorry.  If she is not ready to raise a baby, have you considered adopting hers as your own?  A friend of mine adopted her niece when her sister couldn’t be a proper mother.  Her niece is now her daughter and they have the mother/daughter relationship.  It was just a thought I had.  I hope it doesn’t offend you.

Post # 13
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@Izzy81:  “Just curious and it is way too early to even know if this would be an option from what you have written etc… but what if you and your Darling Husband adopted her baby? Legally. Like right after baby is born?”

I wondered if that might be a possibility for them as well.  Obviously it’s a pretty huge decision to make but the 14 year old sister is clearly not ready to raise a child and the OP and her Darling Husband are clearly ready to have children themselves.  Might at least be something to consider although it would certainly come with its own challenges.

Post # 14
Member
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MrsFairyBee: Oh thank you for saying that.  I was really debating whether to write it or not.

Post # 15
Member
2840 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Izzy81:  Oh hey, I should’ve read all the comments before posting. You thought of it before me!

Post # 16
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Izzy81:  + 1 I was kinda thinking the same thing. Could you talk about adopting the child? Could be drama later if you don’t prepare legally and let her know this is forever – but…I think it might be good for both the baby and your sistere and your Darling Husband and you.

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