- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
Yikes. Sorry to hear about your sister’s lack of judgment. But it sounds to me like your fear and anxiety about having trouble getting pregnant is being projected on your sister. In other words, your emotions around your difficulty getting pregnant has nothing to do with your sister.
So try to get a handle on yourself. If you need to work out your fears and past issues, see a counselor or therapist. Do whatever you can do to work out your own stuff in a healthy manner.
As far as your sister goes, she’s of the age that if she really wants to ram her head against the wall, she will and no one can stop or convince her otherwise. Give her the respect of experiencing her own mistakes. Otherwise you’re just going to upset yourself more. And getting panicked about your sister in this way is not only futile, but unhealthy for you — and will make getting pregnant harder for you. They say the best state of mind to be in when you’re trying to get pregnant is a calm one.
Besides, your sister doesn’t need your resentments and hysteria right now. It sounds like she’s looking for attention and anyone looking for attention is desperately trying not to have to deal with their own feelings about themselves. The best thing you can do is take very good care of yourself by making emotionally sound choices for yourself and lead by example. When your sister isn’t getting the attention she is used to, she is more likely going to be willing to take a look at herself and her own behavior because her car-crash mentality isn’t working for her anymore.
Of course, this doesn’t mean seeing your sister make horrible decisions in her life won’t be painful for you, but realizing you actually have no control over her is the first step to both of you loving one another more. And the sooner you realize this, the sooner your sister is more likely to change. You see, the more enmeshed we are with our family, the more we enable their bad behavior and dangerous actions. So, in essence, the more you act on your panic to “save” her, the worse you are going to make the situation for her. Don’t feed the flame.
Detachment is not caring less, it’s caring more for my own serenity. That way I can be of enough sound mind that I can recognize when others, living more turbulent lives, finally hit bottom and are willing to ask for real help rather than just for more attention. Only your sister can determine how far down her bottom is. And you don’t want to be so exhausted that when your sister is really ready for help, you are all tapped out.