(Closed) Trying My Hardest to Avoid Drama and Hurt Feelings…

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t think you’re being selfish at all. It sucks that you can’t do both, but if she freaks out on you because you can’t come to a Destination Wedding, then I think she is the one being selfish. I mean, if I were her I would be bummed about it, but I would understand. You are right, if you have a Destination Wedding, you can’t expect every single person to be able to make it, unless you’re paying for them to travel.

Post # 4
7652 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

If you can’t go becuase your budget can’t allow for it then you can’t go. You aren’t selfish for wanting to do something together. Maybe if this was his brother or something, but it is a cousin. I didn’t really care if my cousins made it.

I would just say your budget doesn’t allow for it with hotels and plane ticket costs. You shouldn’t have to give more of a reason that that, and if she is all heart broken over it then that is the way it is. If she is willing to ruin a good relationship over this then she really isn’t a good friend to begin with.


Post # 5
9648 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@FutureMrs1:   I’m on your side in this one.  Since they decided to have a Destination Wedding, you’re right, they should be grateful for those who can come and share their day but not resentful towards those who can’t.

If you can’t afford to do both, of course your annivesary is more important, imo.  To break it gently, speak with her in person and explain the situation.  And an extra-nice wedding gift may help ease the blow.  But if they’re already reacting that way to “no’s,” there may not be much you can do except try to take the high road and be polite in declining if you have to, and explain.  Beyond that, what happens is up to them.  If they choose to alienate family over something like that they might be facing a long, lonely future.  Good luck!  I wish you all the best.

Post # 7
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@FutureMrs1:  You are not selfish at all!  And you’re absolutely right – this comes with the territory when you have a destination wedding… A lot of people can’t go.

She doesn’t have to know what your plans are.  A simple “No, sorry, we can’t afford it” will suffice. 

(You may want to avoid any talk about your one year anniversary celebration though before crazy digs her nails into you!)

Post # 8
7416 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@JemmaWRX:  ITA! You owe no explaination after “We are sorry, we are uable to attend due to  fiinances” Just send a nice gift and keep your plans under wrap.

Post # 10
23 posts
  • Wedding: July 2013

I don’t really know if this would work for you or not, but have you thought of combining them. Like turning the trip down there for the wedding into part of your anniversary celebration. Maybe stay down there for a few days and just do stuff as a couple after the wedding is said and done. Just a thought…

Post # 11
1132 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If you can’t go, you can’t go. If she asks why, that’s rude. My wedding is “destination” for a lot of people even though it’s in my home town. It was going to require travel for half the guests no matter where we had it, there’s nothing I can do about that. That being said, if people can’t come, I’m sorry and I’ll miss them, but I totally understand.

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