(Closed) Trying not to be a thunder-stealer.

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
4014 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Its fine! A wedding is just one day, not whole year to “hoard”. Don’t hault your life because someone else got engaged. If you and your SO are ready for the next step, then you should go for it! Who knows, your brothers Fiance may be excited to get to share ideas and plan with you! A fall wedding will be beautiful!


EDIT: I have 3 friends who all got engaged around the same time as me and one has her wedding 2 months before me. We are having so much fun discussing our plans and beingin each others wedding! We have grown so much closer and I am glad I have someone who likes to listen to me talk about weddings since I know no one else gives a flying shit sometimes lol

Post # 4
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Four to five months is plenty of time. Sure, you can’t control how they feel – they might get upset at you getting married in the same year as them, they might need a whole decade to themselves! Only they are responsible for their reactions to you getting married, not you.

Having said that, though, I think you’ve allowed plenty of time apart from their wedding, and I think it’s just a matter of trying to discuss with your brother and his fiance so they don’t think you’re trying to copy their wedding or upstage theirs. Or you could go the other route, and offer to purchase items together, to show that you don’t care whether they look similar or not – you just want everyone to have a good day at the best possible price. My brother’s wedding was 11 months before mine will be and, while both our weddings are very different in style, we’re still sharing decorations and my SIL and I have compared notes on different vendors to figure out something cost effective.

Post # 6
6359 posts
Bee Keeper

Sounds like you’re being considerate to me.

Post # 7
7735 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I know a brother and sister who married 5 months apart. (And engaged a few weeks apart). I didn’t sense any competition at all. I think with 2 brothers it’s even less of an issue.

So I think 4-5 months is fine. In fact I think 2-3 months is fine, unless there are many travelling guests in FI’s family.

Post # 8
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think you are going over and beyond. I honestly get annoyed by the thunder stealing accusations I see people throwing around. I don’t know when getting engaged became about basking i nthe spotlight and having everyone sole intention.

I do think to be fair to your guest, and brother you should try to have a little distance. In my family weddings come in waves. When I was in my teens a bunch of cousins were getting married. Now I have a lot of them in their late twenties and early 30’s and someome is always getting married or doing something. It’s no big deal.

Post # 9
901 posts
Busy bee

@TwoCityBride:  HA, I agree! Nobody is really paying that much attention. You’re not a bunch of movie stars!

I would probably give a few months in between weddings for the sake of family with the cost of gift-giving and travel, etc. Other than that, do not worry about it. There’s a point in every family where everyone of a certain age is all of a sudden getting married. It’s just how it goes sometimes. Don;t put your life off for another couple.

Post # 10
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I don’t get the “thunder-stealing” comments I see all over the place here.  I had never even thought about it before!  I mean, who cares when you get engaged or married relative to anyone else?

My sister eloped 3 months before my wedding, at which point I had only been engaged for a month.  I was thrilled for them, and it didn’t occur to me at all that it had anything to do with me or my wedding . . .  because it didn’t.  She also had a baby 3 weeks before my wedding – I was so happy because my new little niece was our flower girl!

Just live your life, do your thing, and let other people do theirs.

Post # 11
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i think you are leaving enough time apart.  i wouldn’t be offended if i was the other bride.

Post # 12
9578 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

That is plenty of time, no one should be offended.  You get 1 day, not the whole year.  The only reason I can understand leaving some time in between is for $ and making it easier on family who would have to travel (so they can go to both if they want).

Post # 13
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Go for it.  My (to be) matron of honor is getting married a month and a half before I do and we’re having a blast planning everything together.  It’s also nice to have a bride on your side because she’ll definitely know the stress that others just won’t understand.

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