(Closed) Trying not to be hurt by this…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Hmm, tough situation. Unfortunately, I think that it would be in your best interest to support Future Father-In-Law, and forget about Future Mother-In-Law and grandparents.

Post # 4
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Jeez, that is so rough.  🙁 

I can’t imagine a mother ever wanting to estrange herself from her grown children, having vested the majority of her adult life in raising him.  So that’s really a bummer that she did a total 180.

I think all you can do it concentrate on yourself, your Fiance, and his remaining family; his father.  I’m sure his dad is proud that his boy didn’t turn out to be as crazy as his mother. 

I say write a thank you note back but call it quits after that.  They obviously don’t want to hear from you unsolicited, but I’m sure that suits you just fine since all they do is meet your/your FI’s advances with hostility.  I’m sure the feeling of loss really sucks, but I think you just have to let time heal the wounds.  Who knows, maybe his mom will do something REALLY crazy in the future and the grandparents will come back saying “yeah…we didn’t know she was THAT crazy” and come back into your lives. 

Post # 5
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Mewcakes: Agreed. Thank them, then cut ties.  That whole family seems messed up, and the more distance you can keep, the better.

And let your fiance know that if he ever needs a neutral third party (i.e. counselor) to help ride this out, you support him.

Post # 6
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@pinkrainbow: Family just isn’t about blood.  I would thank Fiance grandparents and send them an invitation as well. Even though the granparents have chosen sides, you will never be blamed for not doing the right thing.  I would also send an invitation addressed to Future Mother-In-Law to the grandparent’s location as well.  Since they do know where she is.

For some reason, I believe that Future Mother-In-Law will come around as the wedding gets closer.  She’s not going to miss Her Moment. 

Post # 7
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

re: squeak35: Hmm…yes, she may come around, but be careful about her.  Due to her sudden craziness, she may be back to claim “her moment”, but it might not be in a good way.

Sudden personality changs sometimes indicate neuro problems.  I wonder if that’s what her deal is…

Post # 8
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would send the cash back and wouldn’t send any sort of note. After what they said to your Fiance and his father I don’t think they deserve any sort of respect or acknowledgement from either of you. If I was your Fiance it would really burn me that we were accepting money and thanking people who had treated me so badly.

And this is coming from someone who is estranged from my dad’s siblings and parents, and he has also cut them off and supports me 100% after the horrible things they’ve said and done. Be there for your Fiance, and I believe part of that is NOT giving these awful people the satisfaction of you accepting their money or sending a thank you note.

Post # 9
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@squeak35: And wackos who do things like this will ALWAYS find a reason to blame you, no matter what you do. So I personally wouldn’t bother with that line of thinking.

Post # 11
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@pinkrainbow: It’s your FI’s family, and if he doesn’t want to send an invitiation, I think you need to support him and not send one…back him up and be understanding, don’t make him defend himself and what he wants to do. Just be there for him.

Post # 13
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m sorry you’re going through this, it has to be really difficult to be going through a tough family time while you’re creating your own little family with your future husband. Its really sad that this is the route it has all gone down and that the mother couldn’t try to mend her relationship with her son (same with Grandparents) and are choosing to stay away instead. i’m sure (hoping) she’s staying away out of guilt and isn’t ready to truly face the consequences of her actions at the moment but that doesn’t make things any easier.

 

Good luck with your wedding planning. We’re always here to listen to you vent when you need us!

Post # 14
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@pinkrainbow: In your thank you you could say “Thanks for the check blah blah blah…We are sorry to hear that you won’t be able to make it to our wedding. We will still send along an invitation because want you to know that you are still invited if your plans happen to change.” 

Post # 15
Member
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

 

That’s tough. Especially as your Fiance doesn’t want to go anything. I get it, he’s hurt and resentful and wants to hurt back. But that’s not the right thing to do.

The right thing to do is to send them a thank you note and initiation, as well as one for his mother. This shows that you are not taking sides, nor that you have any intention of excluding anyone within the family.

His grandparents are probably just so confused. Do they lose a daughter who they raised? Or a grandson who they aren’t as close to? The whole situation is still new and everyone is still trying to figure out where they fit.

Years from now, if your Future Mother-In-Law or grandparents ever have a change of heart, you will have nothing to feel guilty about. You will have done all the right things and always keep that door open. If they never change, then again, they have nothing to really hold against you.

Good luck, please try not to take it personally, it must be hard to realise your daughter has thrown away her marriage and is shacked up with some toy boy.

Post # 16
Member
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Sorry for the huge font, not sure what’s going on :S

The topic ‘Trying not to be hurt by this…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors