(Closed) Trying not to be selfish…. But it is my wedding!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@NVACat:  You sound a tad selfish.  Yes absolutely, it is your wedding, and I understand your concerns.  But a new baby, a new life, is far more important than one day.  Everyone will get along just fine throughout the planning process and the big day.  And it’s her choice to either partake in the festivities or sit them out.  Do not put unwarranted pressure on her to participate in the showers/parties/drinking/etc.  She has a responsibility to the life she is carrying, moreso than she has to make you happy.

My sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor and is due pretty much tonight.  Wedding is in September, so my new niece will be a wee 2 months old.  She has another daughter who will be 2.  We went dress shopping around 4 months into her pregnancy and ordered two sizes up.  Dresses can be altered.  So no worries there.

Let it go, there is nothing you can do here.  Be happy for her and DO NOT make her feel like a jerk for being a mommy.

Post # 4
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Try not to worry and make it more of an issue than it needs to be.  Yes, it may be a good idea to look at dresses early just so that there are lots of options and no time pressures, but 5 months postpartum she will likely be back to her regular size or close to it (ie close enough to order a slightly larger size and alter accordingly).

I suppose it could play into challenging logistics….but that’s life and I’m sure it will all work out.  She sounds very supportive and like she’s very aware of not letting it “overly” affect the festivities.

Post # 5
853 posts
Busy bee

When your wedding comes around, I bet that you’ll be so overjoyed to have a new little baby in the family, that you will wonder why you were ever worried in the first place. Everything will fall into place; a new baby is not going to ruin anything. Your wedding will be beautiful, and your shower and bachelorette will be special. Try to focus on things that you can control and be happy for your Future Sister-In-Law.

Post # 6
11351 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

To be honest, that five-month old likely will be the least of your worries that day.  Tiny babies really do not make a lot of noise.  His or her three-year old sibling, however, may be another story. 🙂

I also would not fret over your SIL having to nurse the baby while at your wedding.  I don’t know how long your ceremony will be, but, even if it’s an hour, it’s probably possible for your SIL to work her feeding schedule around the actual ceremony. 

My three-and-a-half year old ring bearer literally screamed through a significant portion of my ceremony, including my vows.  He was distraught because someone thought that the rings on the ring pillow were real, and took the pillow away from him.  (I had no idea what was going on, but I later discovered this when I saw the video.) His sister was the flower girl and started tormenting him during this time as well, and both of their parents were in my wedding.  The kids ended up sitting in the front row with my parents (their grandparents), and, yes, my parents were distracted to tend to them while Darling Husband and I were getting married.

However, Darling Husband and I still had the most amazing and wonderful ceremony, and, in hindsight, it really was not that big of a deal. 

I would suggest that you consider offering your SIL a great deal of flexibility during this time.  You could encourage her to participate — or not — as her circumstances allow, in any pre-wedding parties such as showers and your bachelorette party. The most important thing is for her to be standing with you during your ceremony and for her to appear in some of your formal pics, and I think that she likely will be able to do both. 

Post # 7
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

After the events and wedding you will forget that this was even an “issue.” Don’t stress over somone else’s life.

Post # 8
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

This baby won’t be an issue.  Let the mom worry about things like babysitting, what she can do at the bachelorette party, and so forth.  It’ll work out.  Just be excited for your wedding and excited for your new niece or nephew.

Post # 9
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I have to ask. Is “pregnasnowing” a typo or a word I am not familiar with? Tongue Out

OP, it’s not like it’s her first child. I would assume she would be as involved with baby as without. 

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