(Closed) Trying not to complain…awful bridesmaids!

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
909 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think you are right on target. You should drop them as bridesmaids and keep the one who is actually being a good friend. By agreeing to be a bridesmaid they agreed to stand beside you (no matter their personal opinion) and support you – they are not doing that and should therefore be “relieved of their duties”. Best of luck sweetie.

Post # 4
Member
3082 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Definitely drop them. They don’t sound like very good friends. 

Post # 5
Member
254 posts
Helper bee

If my closest friends didn’t approve of my Fiance that would be a huge indicator that maybe something is wrong. Me and my friends love and protect each other and I would value their opinion. I’d have a heart to heart with them all, clearly they are not excited or supportive of your marriage.

Post # 6
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@lfranke:  I agree.  This isn’t just one bridesmaid, it’s several.  I know it might suck, but I think you should sit down with them, hear them out & consider why they have reservations about this marriage.  I’ve been the ‘bad bridesmaid’ before for a wedding that was a terrible idea. The bride was gung-ho on her Fiance being the one and a lot of us knew it was just not true.  It sucks to have to tell your friend she’s making a mistake, but really that’s what a good friend is–someone who will stand up for your best interests even if you cannot see that at the time (and that engagement was called off shortly after).

 

If you then really think that their concerns are invalid (how does your family feel about the marriage?), then you might want to ask them to step down if they cannot be there for you.

 

 

Post # 7
Member
3173 posts
Sugar bee

I would definently drop them

Post # 8
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee

I think you’d be better off with no bridesmaids than the ones you’ve got!

I just know if after all of that, I’d likely feel a tinge of resentment on my wedding day as they bask in their beautiful Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses and status, after doing sweet F* all to help you in the lead up, and in fact, made things more difficult for you.

I generally fall into the “once you’ve asked them, you’re stuck with them” camp, but in your case, I’d turf them, and bid good riddance to the friendships in the process. They don’t sound like they bring much to the table anyway.

Post # 9
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee

Just thought: you might want to print off one of those lists of Bridesmaid or Best Man duties, and call them up, read them to them, and ask them how they think they’ve performed at them.  Then, counter their objections with the facts of the matter, followed by “I hope you understand that given how unwilling you’ve been to fulfill even the smallest expectation for a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I’m removing you from the bridal party.”

Post # 10
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

It’s probably going to be better to not have bridesmaids. Not because of any bachelorette or alcohol nonsense, but because none of them support your marriage. Which is really to me, the bigger issue. Why do none of your friends like this guy? It’s not mass hallucination, so it must be something.

Regardless, if none of them are in support of your marriage, they should not be standing next to you the day of the wedding anyway. It’s fake. Even if you love your friend, it’s still fake to pretend you support the relationship if you don’t.

Post # 11
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@SeaSalt:  That’s a majorly passive aggressive move. It’s not a job she’s firing someone from, these are supposed to be friends. Not employees.

Post # 12
Member
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I want to agree with @lfranke, but if they’re truly your best friends, instead of being bitchy, they should TALK TO YOU instead of refusing to actually be bridesmaids. Since you said that you’re all young, I can’t decide whether they’re trying to be difficult because they don’t like your Fiance and don’t want you to marry him, or if they’re being young and bratty.

Honestly, before you make any decisions about keeping them around, I would sit down and talk to them and find out what the hell is going on. I would TRY to do it as a group, but I’m not sure they’ll agree to do that, if they can’t even be bothered to go dress shopping, so you might have to do it individually. Stay calm and try to get to the problem. This could easily devolve into screaming and ruined friendships. 

Like other said, if FIVE of them don’t like your Fiance, you might want to listen to them. My friends hated my Ex, and they were absolutely right. Looking back, I wish they’d been more adamant about their feelings.

Post # 13
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee

@KatyElle:  It’s hardly passive-aggressive when she’s being direct with them.  The fact is, even if you’re not getting paid, there are responsibilities to being a bridesmaid. These girls have not lived up to any of them, and in fact, some of them have made her wedding harder.  They should ba called on it.

Regardless of how she boots them from the wedding party, the friendship will likely end over it.

Post # 14
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@SeaSalt:  Of course it’s passive aggressive. It’s setting things up like a performance review at an office. “Please describe in 3 or more ways how your job expectations match your current performance…” I’m sorry, that is ridiculous and if someone approached me in that manner I would laugh about it for weeks on end.

 

Post # 15
Member
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@navywifenmoore:  It seems like there is more going on here.  When ALL of the bridesmaids refuse to be an integral part of the wedding planning process, it seems like a red flag of bigger problems.  Is there a reason that none of them support your marriage?

Post # 16
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee

@KatyElle:  I think you are confusing who in the OP is showing passive-aggressive behaviour.

Passive aggressive behaviour takes many forms but can generally be described as a non-verbal aggression that manifests in negative behavior. It is where you are angry with someone but do not or cannot tell them. Instead of communicating honestly when you feel upset, annoyed, irritated or disappointed you may instead bottle the feelings up, shut off verbally, give angry looks, make obvious changes in behaviour, be obstructive, sulky or put up a stone wall. It may also involve indirectly resisting requests from others by evading or creating confusion around the issue. Not going along with things. It can either be covert (concealed and hidden) or overt (blatant and obvious).

A passive aggressive might not always show that they are angry or resentful. They might appear in agreement, polite, friendly, down-to-earth, kind and well-meaning. However, underneath there may be manipulation going on – hence the term “Passive-Aggressive”.

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