Trying not to get too excited or anxious…

posted 1 year ago in Waiting
Post # 48
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee

Thinking of you as the weekend and 1/4 is tomorrow! Hoping it’s your day!!!!

Post # 50
Member
216 posts
Helper bee

My God, I’d be going crazy! Tonight looks really promising, so keep us posted! But if not I’d really have to stress that an Insta-worthy proposal really isn’t worth all this anxiety! That said, he obviously is excited to propose and I have a really good feeling about today.

Post # 51
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee

Ahhh! I’ve been thinking of you today—so happy you posted! Oh man that package and the present under the tree ๐Ÿ˜ I have to agree with TheSanguineRose, that does sound promising to me! Stay calm and wait it out and see how today/tonight goes before thinking about the tour. I have a VERY good feeling ๐Ÿ™‚ sending you positive vibes!

Post # 54
Member
1380 posts
Bumble bee

Ughhhhh. I’m sorry. I had been following your thread and was ready to see a ring pic and congratulations and couldn’t believe your update. I was so mad I created an account just so I could respond…

It would have taken everything in me not to backhand him when he offered to show you the ring. “Yeah I have this ring here that I could have PUT ON YOUR FINGER after heavily hinting it would happen and had hyped up the entire time leading up to this evening but chose not to but do you want to see it so you can look at it and not wear it?!” Wth is wrong with him?! Are you sure he wants to marry you? Are you sure you even want to marry him after this stunt?!

You even had a conversation with him about how you need time to plan and are already cutting it close and he supposedly felt bad and yet he pulls this crap after hyping up your birthday and bringing the ring with him?! And his “I need a super fantabulous Disney Instagram moment proposal where there’s snow on the ground”- I call BS. The date you had was more than special and would have been perfect for a proposal! Heck he could have asked you during your conversation the other day where he supposedly felt remorseful for dragging his ass on it. But he didn’t. And then didn’t again tonight even with a perfect evening with you. And you have to wonder why at this point.

I would honestly be so pissed off that he can talk the talk and BS about wedding planning but yet can’t utter four words and put a ring on your finger after all this time.

And now you think he might make you wait months for this to blow over?! Ummmm sorry but he needs to shit or get off the pot! I’d be tempted to say “listen bro we’ve already talked about how we need to get this shit going. You lost your chance for a magical surprise proposal so either we are engaged as of this conversation and moving on to wedding planning or we’re not engaged and I am going to re evaluate what we’re doing here. Stop with the games. Full stop. He’s too old for this crap. I’m sorry 

Post # 55
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee

Nooooooo! Ugh, I’m so sad for you! I thought about you all evening and also was totally imagining you posting your engagement story and pictures! I’m not going to lie, I think he’s just putting wayyyy to much pressure on himself. If I was you, as hard as it will be, I would cancel today’s tour. Let him know, “I don’t feel comfortable doing this tour and planning for a wedding that we actually can’t be planning if we aren’t engaged. I know you love me and are excited about planning a wedding and already have the ring, but I can’t help but feel confused when you haven’t popped the question. We are both adults, want the same thing, just ask me….genuinely.” I’d try to take the pressure off…that he is totally putting on himself, not from you. What is his personality? Is he a shy person? I feel like he wants to do this elaborate, grand gesture and doesn’t realize that a sentimental, thought out, and personal proposal is what matters. Some men are convinced it has to be in front of 1,000 people and the Christmas lights tour sounded like the perfect, personal opportunity. I genuinely think this man loves you and wants to marry you, I’m just afraid that if you go on this tour, he will think this wedding talk can go on without a ring.

 

 

Post # 56
Member
216 posts
Helper bee

The weather? Oh my God. He obviously loves you and wants to marry you, he’s just being clueless. “Want to see the ring I’m not giving you today?” Nope. Time to inform him his chance at a Super Special Deluxe Proposal is gone and to give you the damn ring. I honestly believe he’s not being malicious, just tone-deaf. God, I’m so sorry for you. Guys can be morons. Still hope you had a nice evening.

Post # 57
Member
860 posts
Busy bee

WasabiWithYou :  Wow, I’m sorry bee, but this is absolutely ridiculous. What is his deal?! He brought the ring with him and asked if you WANT TO SEE IT?! Why would he do that to you? I’m honestly a bit confused as to why you two are doing so much wedding planning (I know you’ve explained before, but I still don’t get it) before he puts the ring on your finger. IF you’re planning a wedding, you are engaged right now….he’s just holding out on the final piece of the puzzle for literally No. Reason.

It sounds like it would benefit him to work through some issues at hand with a therapist (anxiety, overwhelming feelings, rationalizing). I don’t like the damper that’s been put on this whole situation for you both. I know you desperately want to get things under way with planning and pick a venue to meet your desired wedding date, but honestly, I think it’s time you put your foot down and tell him no more wedding planning or wedding talk even without the ring.

The fact that he isn’t formally proposing, despite his wedding chatter, despite having it in his person! is somewhat concerning to me. It’s very damaging to a relationship. I don’t know, even though he is gung ho for planning, it’s hard to deny an underlying commitment issue peeking out… Sorry bee- I was so excited for you to share some good news and I hate to be so blunt, but can’t hold my tongue anymore. 

Post # 58
Member
64 posts
Worker bee

WasabiWithYou :  Ughhhhhh!!! This must be so frustrating. I’m frustrated just from reading it!! I feel like he means sooo well but is just getting in his own way. Also darn the weather gods, Boston usually gets snow by this time of year, lol. I feel anxious for him too because he’s probably psyched himself out after each time he feels he’s messed up or missed an opportunity. Maybe plan another ice skating night and discuss beforehand that it will happen? Maybe tell him flat out that you just want to marry him and be engaged, you don’t care if it’s a surprise or not. I’m sure you’ve already said something like that but maybe it needs to be said again. Good luck!! We’re all rooting for you guys!!

Post # 59
Member
42 posts
Newbee

Girl I was hoping to hear a positive update from you because I’m in a similar boat (boyfriend has the ring, I thought maybe Christmas or New Year’s for the proposal but I’m still waiting…) but I think you need to just give him a reality check that an Instagram-worthy proposal is not necessary – just get on one knee and do it already! 

I also understand the time-crunch around wedding planning but I don’t know if I could keep discussing planning with him without knowing when the ring is coming. 

Post # 60
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

WasabiWithYou :  Ugh, I am frustrated for you. He sounds like he is really trying to make some crazy magical moment while missing a whole bunch of great moments!

IDK, if I were you I would say that this has become a “thing” it shouldnt be. That you would like him to let go of this “perfect” image in his head because the perfect part is YOU + HIM. Wherever and however it happens it will be magical becuase you both love eachother and want to start your life together.

I think this waiting and dragging it out and missed chances have crossed the line from annoying to actually damagaing to your relationship. He needs to get over his mental images and make it happen for the sake of both your happiness.

((((((((HUGS)))))))))

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