(Closed) Trying not to painc… possible forced date change? (Long! Cliffnotes included!)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
4346 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Ug. Based on your cliffnotes I would switch dates and be supremely annoyed about it. But I think all you can do is be the bigger person. You could always move your wedding up though ;). I’m going to go back and read the long version now.

Your sister is crazy! She has two dates to choose from and the first one is clearly not an option. I would call your sister and tell her that unfortunately you will be unable to attend her wedding because your rehearsal is the same day. And I would inform her that her prescence would be very missed at the rehearsal dinner. Hopefully she comes to her senses and switches to the following week.

Post # 4
4951 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I don’t think you should have to change your date OR your venue. Your sister may have gotten engaged first (by a few hours), but you and your Fiance booked and set the date of your wedding first and on a date significant to you, which I’m guessing your family should know. 

In my opinion, your sister needs to choose another date or at least a closer venue. She knows when yours is and knows you’ve booked it. While it’s not her fault she was overbooked by her venue, you had still set your date 2 weeks before her. It’s only fair. 

Can you talk to her?

Post # 5
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Is it rude of me to suggest that you send out your STDs/invites first so more of your guests will be likely to choose your wedding IF your sister refuses to move her date? I don’t think you are under any obligation to move your date, but if she refuses, you may have to decide if you would rather have the date or more of your guests attend both family events. I am so sorry. I think your sister is totally in the wrong here for what its worth! 

Post # 7
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with your mom. Sister should move to April 13. I’m all for “the bride only gets one day”, but having hers the night before yours is a bit much. It’s just too much strain for you. I spent the day before my wedding decorating the venues! Her reasoning that the older should marry first is, to put it bluntly, bigoted and irrational. This isn’t the 18th century! I’ve known plenty of families where the girls married “out of order”.

Post # 8
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Your sister is not only putting you and your family in an awkward position, but your guests too who are going to have to pick between the two I feel like.  If your Mom doesn’t want you to have to change your date, can’t she speak with your sister and have her do it the following week?  It’s just kind of mean and passive aggressive that she made it for the day before your wedding

Post # 10
575 posts
Busy bee

Your sister must be pretty desperate to get married before you. The most logical thing would be for her to move her date to the later weekend. There’s no sense in both of you changing dates, plus your date actually means something to you and your Fiance. And back-to-back weddings are pretty ridiculous, especially when one is 6 hrs away. That’s not really fair to your guests either.

Post # 11
1837 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

That horrible that she did that to you.  She should have to pick a different date, not you; it’s not your fault her venue messed up.


Post # 13
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Oo I missed the 6 hours’ drive bit. You (and especially your mom, because she’s a neutral party) should try to reason with her: a lot of guests will not want to drive 6 hours for a Friday wedding.

Post # 14
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Can you move your date up, into winter so FH’s Bridesmaid or Best Man won’t be deployed?

You and your family absolutely cannot attend both weddings if they are one day apart. Neither can your guests. I love weddings but they are exhausting, and the closer you are to the family, the worse it gets. This is just a bad idea.

If your sister will not move her date, I would pick an earlier date if possible.

It sucks that it won’t be on your anniversary, but then you will have a new one and more days to celebrate in the year, and that’s not a bad thing!

Yes, your sister is being ridiculous, but I wouldn’t make it a competetion or make guests choose, I’d try to make the best of it.

Post # 15
2008 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Agree with my bees.

She needs to change her date so it’s more convenient for everyone, despite her obvious and ridiculous race to the finish line.  Your datE has meaning, hers does not.  You booked first and should not suffer because her venue made a mistake.

I admire you an your Fiance wanting to be calm, but I think this requires you being firm and allowing your wants to be important. 

Post # 16
1381 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Well, I’m sure this situation would be different for everyone, but…

My sister and I are really tight.  She actually got engaged 10 days after I got engaged.  She’s older than I am and it was mutually decided among the family that she get married first.  I’m in no rush, and I love my sister.. I would actually let her have any day she’d want.  Sounds like your sister would be super stressed out with the overbooking too, so I wouldn’t want to add any more stress to the situation..!  

(This all worked out fine on my end.. my sister is getting married THIS November (destination), and FH & I will be getting married April 2013.)

I say, choose the July date & avoid the fuss!  Plus, summer weathers are always lovely 🙂

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