- 2 years ago
I’ve been doing pretty well. Very surprising for me, but I’m relieved. The first break up was horrible, and I felt terrible for months.
Anyways, he messaged me “hi” and it’s been really hard not to reply. Or to look at his Facebook/social media. I haven’t looked at it for about 3wks.
Now that he messaged me, I’m having a hard time with it. Usually when I’m anxious. I haven’t been able to pay for more therapy; I have a medical savings card I use to pay for such expenses, but I lost it and I’m waiting for the replacement.
thus I’ve had minimal help with my suicidal/anxiety issues. However, I haven’t been doing bad at all. Just a little anxious and sad here and there.
the worst part is that I know he’s talking to that girl (the one who’s engaged to someone else). And I’m pretty determined to not keep talking to him. I feel that once I cave into it, I just keep talking to him.
Ugh, what helps? I work two jobs and go to school (only 1 easy psychology class this summer). I practice yoga 3 times per week. I see friends at least 4 times a week, and even sleep over at my best friends house once a week. I spend time with family. I read.
i don’t know what else to do to keep busy. I just get anxious and start having trouble controlling the impulses. I want to reply very badly sometimes. Or look at his social media.
I really wish I didn’t care. I shouldn’t. He’s made me bleed, I have physical scars. He was horrible to me the entire relationship. Always lying about crap and being emotionally abusive. I struggled with being suicidal when he first hit me (i had an abusive childhood, so it was very hurtful to experience that again), and because of that he told me he “wished I would die”. Lol why do I give a shit. This is honestly very frustrating.
I try to be forgiving and kind towards myself, but it’s frustrating to still miss him. He’s very charismatic and fun to be around (good friend, shitty bf), and he was my first love. Probably why I care so much.. idk, I just really don’t want to reply to him, but I’m struggling.