(Closed) Trying so hard to be nice and not snippy!

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
7652 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

It sucks having to wait, but you need to be patient, and treating him like crap isn’t going to want to make him propose so you need to keep that in mind.

Post # 4
Member
9074 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

If it were me, I wouldn’t want to propose to someone who was being snarly and bratty at me just because I wasn’t moving fast enough for her liking.

Post # 5
Member
1650 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@Lily_of_the_valley:  Take a step back, take some deep breaths, and remember that you love this man. Remember that you are extremely fortunate that you have found one another and that he has started to take the steps necessary to show a lifelong commitment to you. Remember that there are valid reasons why he hasn’t proposed yet (are the two of your financially and emotionally stable? How long have you been together? Do you live together or seperately? Are you both employed or are you still in school?)

I suggest that you sit down and calmly discuss your expectations with him. Keep emotion out of it or he will start to feel guilty and pressured. Just explain that you wanted an update about what sort of timeline he’s thinking of concerning an engagement, wedding, starting a family, etc. Once you guys talk it over, let the subject drop for a while and see what happens. And remember to focus on the positives and hobbies that you love; I’ve recently taken up knitting, for example, and I’m working on making my guy a blanket. I told him I want to give it to him as a gift when we get engaged or move in together (he loves the idea). Maybe you can channel your emotions into something productive like that? It’ll only make him love you more to see you focusing on yourself and being the beautiful and confident woman he fell in love with.

Post # 6
Member
983 posts
Busy bee

Maybe you are giving him second thoughts acting the way you are about it.  

Post # 7
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I feel for you- making you wait while he already has the ring means there isn’t financial etc reasons to wait. If SO knew that continuing to make you wait was so hurtful then doing exactly that is nothing short of emotional abuse. You have every right to be upset- and when you are upset with someone it is natural to be snippy. I think you need to talk to SO about it- chances are he didn’t completely understand that this has been so harmful to you. I’m sure he has the best of intentions and wouldn’t purposely hurt someone he loves so much. A general discussion about timelines may be helpful so that you both know where/when your relationship is moving forward. You have every right to know that- in the next month? In the next year? Had he discussed when he wants to get married? Bc if you want to get married in 2014 then you are already behind in planning and finding a venue/ photographers could prove difficult. If he wanted to get married this summer, thats even more difficulr!! You two need to both express your needs and figure out how to line them up.  I get snippy with my SO sometimes and I like to talk about it with SO or make plans to be busy with someone else that day.  

Good luck!! *BIG HUG*

Post # 8
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@HeartsandSparkles:  I agree except for the part about it being too late for a 2014 wedding. There is plenty of time. If she’s wants a fall wedding, she has 21 months. I planned mine in 8 and had no trouble booking vendors, except for catering (meaning the first 5 I called were booked, but the 6th was available, affordable, and delicious!). It also depends on the type of wedding you want.

OP, dont panic! 

Post # 10
Member
39 posts
Newbee

@Lily_of_the_valley:  You are not alone! I was actually a little relieved that my SO left last night to head home (we are LD right now and he had to work this morning) so that I wouldn’t be overly tempted to say anything to harsh about him not giving me a proposal. I thank God that I am an actress and able to mask my disappointment most of the time!  But that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard and you have to take the extra time to think before responding. It also helped me to not be around him along much over the last couple days. I’m much less likely to say something about the lack of proposal with other family around (his or mine)!

Here’s hoping it comes soon for all of us and they get over their fears (whatever they might be) of taking that next step!

Post # 11
Member
1650 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@HeartsandSparkles:  It’s not necessarily true that having a ring means that there isn’t a financial reason to wait. My sister got engaged three years ago and she still hasn’t started planning a wedding due to financial reasons. It’s entirely possible that the OP’s guy is still waiting due to financial concerns (ie. he’s waiting for a promotion or raise, is looking for a better job, wants to buy a home first) or for another completely valid reason. But I do agree about having a discussion about it. The OP won’t know what’s going on unless she calmly asks.

Post # 13
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@sept22insf: the main problem is that OP’s SO won’t discuss this with her. But I’m saying guys in general don’t understand that weddings can take a lot of time to plan. And I can’t speak for other regions of the country, but here venues are booked full 18 months ahead of time- just some practical considerations. My good friend had to get married on Friday the 13th to have a summer wedding and she didn’t wait to the last minute by any means. 

As for OP, maybe frame questions around marriage instead of the proposal? That way you are a woman who wants to start her life with her SO and not a girl who just wants a ring. Good luck!!! <3 

Post # 14
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

@HeartsandSparkles:  

Not proposing to someone is NOT emotional abuse.  My gosh.

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