(Closed) Trying so hard to be nice and not snippy!

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
6354 posts
Bee Keeper

During this phase the best approach to it is to be excited, anticipate it and be patient.

As you know, being snippy is the exact opposite approach and worth making serious effort to avoid.

I’m not actually sure why it’s causing you stress rather than excitement, so I don’t know how to offer specific advice about that…but please, do your best to reframe your mind because there’s no reason for that at all. It will happen when it will happen, you cannot force this, or at least, you really, really, shouldn’t. Let him do it. Don’t try to control this!

Why don’t you do a random sweet thing for him right now as you read this, to start to make up for the snippy-ness, and then go distract yourself with a fun girly activity?

 

Post # 19
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@sept22insf:  +1 about the ‘late’ part. My Future Mother-In-Law chastized me for not deciding we would get married next summer until two weeks ago. Venue’s booked, DJ’s booked, dress is picked and my invites are on the way in. Bam. It doesn’t take long to plan something, especially if you are intentionally keeping it simple! 

Post # 20
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

(((HUGS))) it sucks waiting especially coming here everyday to see every new engaged bee!! But seriously NYE hasn’t happened and do you really want to get engaged when EVERY body else does?  I knew Darling Husband had the ring over Christmas but he d idn’t propose until March.  I was like you but i managed to somehow enjoy our time together (it helped too we were LDR so I had to appreciate the time together)

Post # 21
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Peacockfeather:  yeah the longest part for me was deciding on which DIY projects to do and then doing them! Also, working on logistics since we didn’t have a DOE coordinator.

Post # 22
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@Lily_of_the_valley:  Well that stinks that he won’t talk with you about it, but it is kinda sweet that he wants it to be a surprise. Try not to pry too much right now. Give it a month or two and if it hasn’t happened by then, try talking to him again. And I second the spontaneous sweet gestures (and I love your idea of sending him a love letter). Most of all, just try to relax (I know it’s tough) and enjoy the time you have with your guy now. Hope to see an engagement post from you soon! Smile

Post # 23
Member
8037 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Lily_of_the_valley:  I will NEVER understand why some guys will buy the ring and let you know they have the ring… but not propose. It makes zero sense to me.

It’s not a surprise since you know he has the ring. Surely since he bought the ring, he can’t be having doubts about whether he wants to marry or not.

I understand holding onto it for a few days… but especially since you know he has it, what’s the hold up?

I can’t say I blame you for feeling the way you do. With that said, though, I suppose it’s in your best interests to be as sweet as possible, difficult as it may be.

I understand not buying a ring because you’re not ready… but buying one and holding onto it… wtf?

Post # 25
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Hyperventilate:  +1

@jmaze:  +1

Leave him be. This is a special time for him also and you are not helping. 

Post # 26
Member
28 posts
Newbee

OP, I completely understand how you feel as I know my boyfriend has the ring only because his mom handed it down to me (us) and its gorgeous so we decided to use it. He staTed he wanted to plan something special independent of the holidays. It is really hard for me to feel as if he’s not as excited as I or. It becomes very tempting to let your frustration come out, while I don’t think the pouting or attitude would make a man doubt something he’s already made up his mind about, I think if he sees you are not pressed and radiant without his proposal it could compel him to get it together. I think when we get pressed it lets them know we are clearly not going anywhere and are letting this one thing dictate our mood. I think showing an independent mood will comfort him about the type of strong partner he will be getting. You can get through this. Read the engagement stories from this week to see how it is on the other side. Most can’t even remember they were upset just last week! You know?

Post # 27
Member
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@padme:  @MrsOliveBird:

I didn’t say not proposing IS emotional abuse, but I think in some situations it CAN be, that’s all.  Purposefully delaying a proposal for the purpose of HURTING your partner seems emotionally abusive.  Stringing someone along with false hopes seems like emotional abuse to me. Saying the proposal is going to happen when you have no intention of following through would be emotionally abusive.  Using a proposal as a bargaining chip in a relationship to keep all the power and dominate/control your partner is also emotionally abusive IMO.  We can agree to disagree on that.

But that is besides the point- the whole point of my post was just that was waiting is awful for some bees and there is nothing wrong with OP having open communication with her SO about their future-some guys on here have had the ring and waited over a year to propose!  She can ask for a general timeline even if it in the next year or more than a year away. I know that would give me some peace of mind at least.

Post # 28
Member
2576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@HeartsandSparkles:  And what insight do you have that leads you to your knowledge that he is witholding the proposal to HURT the OP?

Perhaps he is not ready. 

Perhaps he has something awesome planned.

Perhaps he does not want to propose to a fully grown woman who is pouting like a 2 year old as she is not getting what she wants.

There are a lot of assumptions one can make on the internet. 

Heck, if OP simply cannot wait, why not propose to him?

 

Post # 29
Member
363 posts
Helper bee

It sucks having to feel upset at our SO’s…but they somewhat deserve it for making us play a waiting game. I mean, they get to toy with our emotions but at the same time, they can’t take us being irritated or making comments about it? I’ve got no sympathy for those men (even though I love mine ;] ).

 

 

Post # 30
Member
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@MrsOliveBird:  I said that in CAN be in SOME situations, and before that, my EXACT comment to OP was as follows:

If SO knew that continuing to make you wait was so hurtful then doing exactly that is nothing short of emotional abuse.” (Underline added for emphasis)

This is a conditional statement, so if OP’s SO was clueless about how hurtful waiting has been, then statement doesn’t pertain to OP.  Maybe you shouldn’t call people out if you can’t read an entire post because you are arguing over noting and taking things out of context and I don’t appreciate that.

@Lily_of_the_valley:  Any updates? Have you two had a discussion yet?  Good luck my dear! <3 

Post # 31
Member
2576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@HeartsandSparkles: 

I certainly was not arguing, just providing my opinion, which obviously differs from yours. (Who would have thought that two random strangers could see things differently!)

The beauty of forums is that you get a wide cross section of different people with different experiential knowledge, education levels and insight. I love this about the WB community. I even enjoy banter with people who have positions completely polar to my own.

I do not, however, appreciate or enjoy the snark with which your response was delivered. This is everything I do not like about WB!

 

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