Trying this again: adopting with lift restrictions

posted 9 months ago in Adoption & Surrogacy
Post # 2
3027 posts
Sugar bee

lauralaura123 :  Perhaps you could consider adopting an older child? Babies and toddlers need quite a bit of picking up, both for love, comfort, and for “emergency” situations.

Post # 3
324 posts
Helper bee

I think the best answer you could get is from experience. I read in your last thread your friend has a 2 year old, could you spend some time with her?

Even if a child *can* walk, she doesn’t have an adult’s endurance, speed or will. A 2 year old needs to be lifted or carried for a fair amount of time, and if you use a stroller you’ll have to lift the stroller anyway.

Post # 5
1215 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Without a partner this could be very difficult. My four year old is over 50 lbs and I still lift him pretty frequently.

Post # 6
4468 posts
Honey bee

Well, on average babies double their birth weight in their first 6 months (meaning a 7.5# baby could be 15#).  Most babies aren’t reliable walkers until about 15-16 months.  So that’s an entire year of full dependency on you and not being able to pick up your child.  And let’s face it, reliable walker doesn’t necessarily mean capacity for duration or willingness to walk.  That doesn’t come for at least another 18-24 months after that.

I also think it is unrealistic that your plan is to rationalize with with a toddler who has neither the language skills nor ability to reason at that age.  So if you think a fussy or active toddler is going to just patiently wait and not throw a fit or be able to sufficiently gauge safety or when they are rested enough to continue, you will be very unpleasantly surprised.  

I agree with PP that perhaps adopting an older child may be better suited to your restrictions unless you plan to have a full-time au pair for several years minimum (likely until school age) or a co-parent who is going to be a stay at home parent.

Post # 7
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I don’t want to scare you but My friend had a toddler, who once while crossing a busy road decided to drop to the floor and not walk anymore. I had to pick him up quickly and move him out of the road. I never in my life contemplated that a child would do something like that. But that was an occasion where a child needed moving quickly. He was two or three then. I can’t quite remember. If you can’t physically deal with that kind of situation quickly or without injuring yourself then maybe consider an older child. 

Talk to your doctor about your physical capabilities and if their is anything you can do to build your strength up. I’m afraid I know very little about your condition, but I imagine others with it have children maybe see if their is a Facebook group or forum for your condition where you can ask this question and get a more helpful answer as to how parents deal with the daily lifting of the child. 

Post # 9
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

lauralaura123 :  Ah I see. Are you being treated by a specialist or your gp? I still think talking to a medical professional about it is the way to go. I have regular visits to an occupational therapist to help me deal with a condition of my joints, I find they have a great deal of knowledge and help with making my life less limited

Post # 10
3419 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I agree that it might be best to adopt an older child. I was nearly 10lbs when I was born. It took me no time at all to get up to 15lbs and I was very dependent on others to hold and carry my far beyond that weight. A child won’t understand your restrictions and honestly, they don’t care. They want to be held when they want to be held. 

Try spending more time with the children of friends and family and that might give you a bit of insight into what to expect as far as frequency of holding. 

Post # 11
9036 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

lauralaura123 :  I would suggest you look at some online support groups for those with disabilities. They have sections for people who are planning children. You will get more practical information about how to over come obstacles and tools to assist.

It may also help to speak to a therapist that works in this area as well.

Post # 13
3405 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

lauralaura123 :  No, it would not be traumatic. The only issue is that toddlers will run off sometimes. You can keep them in strollers, but that isn’t ideal either. They will want to be independent and walk. So, there are going to be times when a 2 or 3 year old will drop to the ground and refuse to get up. In parking lots, in stores, in the street. Adoption makes this even more difficult, as the child is more likely to have had a past that leads them to seek negative attention.

Obviously not every parent has the ability to pick up their child. That is OK!! Your experience will not be completely normal, but that is ok too! You will make accommodations and your child will be fine. Good parenting comes through patience, respect, and education, not lifting ability. 

Post # 15
2733 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m 35 weeks pregnant and shouldn’t really be picking up my 2 year old … but he doesn’t understand that and I will still have to pick him up at least once a day, even if just to get him in the car / pushchair. If he doesn’t want to do that I also have to avoid the kicking legs.

tbh parenting is hard, adoption tough, in your situation I would not even contemplate it without a partner. As you want to adopt rather than have biological children there is less of a time pressure for you so really don’t rush and wait until you find the right person to do this with.

i would also talk to adoption agencies about any restrictions they may have on parents with health conditions adopting. Children who are up for adoption have been through a lot already and they need to ensure the family is right and such a restriction might mean they won’t let you adopt a young child .

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