Post # 1
One of the biggest reasons I haven’t started planning our wedding is our bridal party. Of course there’s the issue of numbers and who to choose, but my main issue is my Maid/Matron of Honor. I’ve always pictured that being my best friend, but right after we got engaged and I was trying to figure out how to ask her, my mom made the comment that if I didn’t ask my sister, she would be very upset/offended. My sister and I have never been that close, although right now she is living with my fiance and I. But it’s gotten to the point that he has trouble being around her sometimes (lots of attitude from her). I want my Maid/Matron of Honor to be the person that knows what I want, knows when I’m just being crazy, can bring me down from Bridezilla high, and especially is someone that my fiance actually likes being around all the time. His best man is mostly going to be my best friend’s SO, so it would just be perfect. But I’m stuck trying to decide if I think my sister could live with just being a bridesmaid or not. Anyone have advice or experience in this area?? Thanks In Advance
Post # 2
I would ask your best friend to be your Maid/Matron of Honor. I always think you should go with the people you want, not feel obligated to ask. Youve said you arent that close to your sister and she doesnt get along that well with your fiance so she shouldnt expect to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, its still a big honour to be a bridesmaid.
Post # 3
Kate127 : That’s my thinking exactly. But it’s 50/50 with people I’ve talked to. Some say that when you have a sister, it’s etiquette for her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor. We have good days and bad. I’ve also thought about having them both be Maid/Matron of Honor but I don’t know if they would mesh all that well together. We’re not exactly planning at the moment, so I hope once she moves out, our relationship will get better.
Post # 4
Could you make them both MOH’s? Or neither? I’m only having bridesmaids myself.
Post # 5
sapphire27 : I’ve given thought to both ideas, especially the neither idea. My fiance is having a hard time choosing one friend over the rest for his Bridesmaid or Best Man, so that would work out. I just don’t want to miss out on having one because my sister got upset. :/
Post # 6
mrss2018 : seems like you have a good solution in just having bridesmaids and groomsmen especially if your fiancé is having the same trouble as you. Its just a title at the end of the day and whomever wants to step up and be more involved in the wedding process will. You can still seek your best friends input and ask her to do wedding stuff with you without defining a title.
Post # 7
My friend had a wedding and had the same issue- she didn’t have a Maid/Matron of Honor and just lined up all the bridesmaids by height. It worked out that a couple was bridesmaid/groomsman in that wedding, and they got to walk together.
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise
I’d say if you are having trouble choosing, safest bet is not to. No reason to have a Maid/Matron of Honor unless it feels like something that’s really important or symbolic to you.
I had my Maid/Matron of Honor picked out, and then Fiance made it clear he didn’t want a wedding party other than one attendant each. Since there was no question my attendant would be my daughter, I gave the Boyfriend or Best Friend another job; she got ordained in the Church of the Big Lebowski and is going to officiate.
If you don’t want sis to be Maid/Matron of Honor (which, sounds like nah) you can either skip assigning the job to anyone, or give her another job. Giving a reading is a meaningful duty, but doesn’t involve as much pre-wedding time together.
Just a thought
Post # 9
mrss2018 : If not having a Maid/Matron of Honor is an option, I’d go with that. You can always finagle how they are standing so your best friend is still next to you – height, age, whatever. I’ve only been in one wedding but we were all treated as equals anyway, despite the sister getting the ‘best’ title. Likewise my sister was my Maid/Matron of Honor but didn’t do anything more or less than my best friend did as bridesmaid. When it all comes down to it, it’s just a phrase – there is zero meaning behind it except what we make up for ourselves. Your best friend is likely to understand and know how you truly feel – she is your best friend, after all!
Post # 10
skunktastic : That’s maybe the only silver lining so far: she totally gets it and is not pressuring me at all to pick her. She just wants me to be stress free and just wants to be able to celebrate with us at some point.
Post # 11
mrss2018 : Does your best friend know your sister and what your relationship is like with her? Would it be possible to talk to your best friend and tell her that because of this issue with your sister you’ve chosen to forego having a Maid/Matron of Honor altogether? Maybe tell her that really you wanted her as your Maid/Matron of Honor but since your sister would cause so much drama about it, it has to be this way instead. If my best friend said something like that to me I’d completely understand and support her decision.
Post # 12
I was Co-MOHs with a bride’s sister once. I stood next to her during the ceremony and did bachelorette/shower stuff, and her sister signed the wedding license and sat next to her at dinner
It was honestly a non issue and a nice way to share in the duties. I was arguably the “real MOH” but her sister was honored in special ways.
I do not plan on making my sister my Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 13
For what it’s worth, I have two sisters (and we are all close) but I chose my best friend to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. No hurt feelings as far as I can tell.
On the other side, my fiancé is having his brother be the best man, even though he says his best friend “should be”. He just knew it would mean a lot to his brother, and his best friend is understanding of that and is still going to be the one to plan the bachelor party and he will also give a toast at the reception.
You know your sister better than any of us, so you just have to feel out whether or not she would be upset, and go from there.
Post # 14
I’m in a similar boat as you are…
My sister and I have a terrible relationship. I live across the country, and we never talk. When I do come home, she is reclusive and rude. But when I was planning my wedding there was definitely this expectation (from her and my parents) that she would, by default, be the maid of honor (she’s my only sister).
For the sake of avoiding conflict, I had her be the maid of honor. So far it’s been 50/50. She hasn’t really helped with anything, and just has said a variety of rude things regarding the wedding. However another bridesmaid (who knows my situation with my sister) has picked up the slack and been an amazing help. She would have been my maid of honor if I didn’t ask my sister, and she knows that as well. She’s been an absolute gem and has been so mature about everything.
I plan to write that bridesmaid a special thank you letter (+ special gift) for stepping up and being there; being understanding. In all reality, no one is really going to know/care who the Maid/Matron of Honor vs. regular bridesmaid is, and pretty much every knows the relationship I have with my sister, so I don’t think it matters too much.
Now, if I wouldn’t have asked my sister to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, I’m almost certain she would be more bitter and rude towards me. So for the sake of keeping her attitude at bay, it was easier to give her that spot and be able to focus on the important things that day.
Post # 15
mrss2018 : Why cant you do two MOH’s. I know many people that have done that….