- 6 years ago
- Wedding: January 2013
Recently, a friend asked me to a bridesmaid in her wedding. I love this girl. Love her. We have been friends for over 20 years, since we were 6 years old. I am so happy that she wants me involved in her wedding, but I’m afraid I’ll be crying next to her at the alter for the wrong reasons.
My friend is an ABSOLUTELY STUNNING 27 year old woman. She has a vibrant personality, a fantastic sense of humor… she’s a great person. Men fall all over her. The trouble? We live in a small state and she lives in a small town, and the men who are falling aren’t exactly high calliber. She’s already been through one failed marriage and several failed engagements. At this point, she just want to be married and have a child, she doesn’t care who she marries. I think she’s just given up so completely that she thinks she’s going to be unhappy no matter who it is, so she just doesn’t care anymore.
She recently became engaged after only a few months of dating to a guy who is WAY, WAY, WAY under her league. He is uneducated, no job, possessive, ugly as sin (this shouldn’t count, but on top of everything else it totally does), and just plain dumb. Like, it hurts to hear him talk because even his tone of voice sounds dumb. To top it all off, he has a teenage child that she doesn’t get along with or even like! The guy is in the middle of a child support/custody battle over the kid, too! This drama would be worth it if she was madly in love with him, but she’s not. I think the worst part of it is how incredibley obviously unhappy she is with him, whatever his shortcomings may be.
Everyone around her is baffled by this. When people see them together, they can’t believe it or understand what the hell she’s thinking. When I ask her what she likes about him, it’s always, “I love his family.” or “He wants to take care of me.” or something vague and cliche. It is driving me nuts. I am terrified that she’s actually going to go through with it and marry this guy.
So here’s my dillemma. I have decided at this point that it’s best to keep my mouth shut. I am 99% certain that no matter what I say, it’s not going to make a difference. It would probably just piss her off. But how can I stand up as a bridesmaid in support of this sham marriage? I’ve known her for over 20 years. She is not happy and she does not love this guy. It is obvious to everyone but her. Should I say something anyway? And if so, what should I say? I really don’t think it will help, but I don’t know if I could live with myself if she really marries him and I didn’t try to do anything to stop it. (Probably not my responsibility… right? Right??)