(Closed) Trying to be a good friend, but….

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What should I do???

    Keep your mouth shut

    Try to talk to her about her REAL feelings

  • Post # 17
    429 posts
    Helper bee

    Try to talk to her and be kind.

    Post # 19
    2314 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Here is my opinion. Standing up is not about your feelings, it’s to support her. That said, she is getting married for all the wrong reasons and friends are there to snap us out of bad decisions. I think you would be a worse friend if you didn’t very gently bring this up to her over drinks/dinner. Keep us posted on your decision. 🙂

    Post # 20
    540 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    I would talk to her very nicely to ask if this is what she really wants. Explain to her that you can’t stand by her side at her wedding when you know how unhappy she is. I would decline being a bridesmaid at this time. Just be there for her if the marriage falls apart.

    Post # 22
    2314 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @Tangled:  Oh no way should you decline. You already know how this is going to turn out. But you love her regardless of who she marries, right? So you stand by her but you still try to guide her toward making a stand for her own happiness. Dude, she’s 27. She has time to make a baby with the RIGHT man, you know? 

    You sound like a really awesome friend. Trust your gut because you’re going to end up doing the right thing, I’m sure. You know her best. 🙂

    Post # 24
    7528 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @Tangled:   Wow.  That’s strange, I’ve never heard of someone actually entering a marriage pretty much knowing without a doubt they really don’t love the other person. 

    But, you’ve done the right thing by bringing your concerns to her attention.  If this is her decision, this is her decision.  You’re an awesome friend for standing by her.  Be there for her in case this blows up in her face.

    Or, she may end up falling in love with him, who knows?  Stranger things have happened.  She may learn to appreciate his good qualities after she’s married to him for awhile.  (No way I’d ever do something like that, and don’t even understand it at all, but – to each his own).  I hope she finds happiness, no matter what happens.

    Thanks for the update.

    Post # 25
    1171 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Wow this is a tough situation!  I just read your update.  It seems like you’re doing everything you can to be a good friend.  Just continue to support her!

    Post # 26
    1083 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @Tangled Wow! Well, you’re a really good friend.

    I’m glad you spoke up about how you feel, I think that was the right thing to do.  It makes me sad that she is just agreeing to settle like that.

    If it were ME, I would schedule an intervention meeting with some of her closest friends and family and all state specific reasons why she should not go through with it and then present her with hope and inspiration about how great she really is and how she deserves sooo much better and that she just needs to keep being patient and the right guy will come along!  That’s possibly a bit drastic, but that’s what I would do because I feel like marriage is not something to be entered into lightly.

    You are certainly in a tough spot, I hope that she comes to her senses soon before going through with things, maybe if she agrees to postpone then that will give you and others more time to help her. Good luck, I hope things work out.

    Post # 28
    1375 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @Tangled:  YAY! That is awesome (sad for her, but awesome for her future). I’m sure that had to be really hard. I think the way you approached it was perfect – she could come talk to you without feeling bad, and you helped show that you support her no matter what choices she made. Nice job.

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