(Closed) Trying to be a good MOH- venting

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1154 posts
Bumble bee

My advice is alway to take a good look at your friend’s guy.  Would you want to marry him?  Do you want their relationship?  I’m guessing no.  🙂  She’s not getting a wedding she’s getting him.  And good for her, but it’s not what you want, right?

All those details?  They’re just details.  If you love anemonies you can buy another pot and enjoy them today and the for the day of your wedding who knows what flowers you’ll want will go with the vibe maybe it’ll even be anemonies but it’ll be way way different – there’s no way to predict the details and they don’t really matter.  When you are engaged to marry your guy, the things that will be important to you will have to do with making a binding legal (and spiritual if you tend that way) public commitment, not the flowers.  Though your wedding will be gorgeous and only better for the expierence of seeing how your friend’s worked out.

Also, I might focus on your friend and what she means to you.  Remember the reasons you love her.  Focus more on your relationship to her than her wedding per se.

Post # 4
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I can imagine this is pretty tough for you.  It’s good that you’re still being supportive to her!  Even though you guys share the same group of friends, I think you can still have similar elements to her wedding in your future wedding.  I don’t think many people are going to notice if the flowers are similar… and as for the dress, styles change.  I always thought I’d get married in a flowing chiffon number, but instead I chose a dramatic satin gown.  

One of my bridesmaids is already talking about how if she gets married, she’s hiring the photog I’m using, wants the ring setting I have, etc.  There’s so many elements that go into a wedding, there’s no way yours is going to be exactly like hers, even if your styles/vendors overlap at times.  Just know that your time is coming, and continue to be supportive like you’ve been doing 🙂  Hang in there!

Post # 5
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think its normal to be little jelouse about certain things; especially things that you dream of as well. However you have to remember that they are just details. It won’t be the end of the world if 2 or 3 years down the road when you finally have your wedding that you have the same flowers or venue. I think you should continue trying to be supportive and remember that it’s her wedding. Even if you were engaged and planning a wedding @ the same time doesn’t mean that you 2 wouldn’t still be having it at the same place with the same flowers. Then you’d just be upset and jelouse because your having the same things soo close together. Maybe you should try and look @ it that @ least there will be a good amount of time between your weddings so no one will compare them. There are so many aspects to a wedding that even if a few things are the same there are still plenty of things to set them apart! 

Post # 6
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m sorry, that must be hard on you :(. If you think your wedding is another 2 years off, I HIGHLY doubt someone will say “oh they used the same flowers”… the focus is on the couple, not the details. Even if your weddings were in the same month, you could have the exact same dress or the exact same location, but the wedding itself will be completely different. You may see things in her wedding that you want to incorporate into yours OR you may see things that you had wanted that you realize you don’t like so much. Every single wedding is different so don’t worry that you can’t use your original ideas! I realize this is probably really hard on you thou, planning what you want but isn’t yours. You MIGHT want to bring up a “how will we know we’re ready” talk with your guy. Not to be bringing it up all the time, just figure out financially what your both comfortable with. I think things should be talked thru just once & leave it up to him. Maybe he’s planning it now? Some people want to be able to pay off the wedding & not go into debt. Maybe that’s what he’s thinking? I’ve heard the average ering is a few thousand dollars. The average wedding is at least $5k… I’m the exception to this but from what I’ve read on posts, you need a lot of money to get married!

Maybe you need to talk with your best girl friend, I’m assuming its the bride, to talk about your relationship. The real issue isn’t what flowers or dress she’s getting, but rather that you’re not engaged. I wouldn’t tell the bride “hey these are my ideas” but rather “i’m sad because I’m not engaged” type talk. Let the bride know you support her & will be there for her every step of the way, but just know that because you are the Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t mean that your emotions are any less important.

That’s just my advice, I’d listen to a few other’s first… but try to focus on the bride & not think about what you want for your wedding only cause that will make it harder on you now. Plus, in 2 years you may not even like the same things as you do now. But go have a girl’s day without wedding planning, just talking about your relationships & having fun :). I hope this helps!!

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