Post # 1
The original plan was that SO and I would make the ring together, right down to the finances.
Initially, I was going to pay for the stone (a sapphire) and SO was going to pay for the mounting. Recently, for some reason I can’t put a finger on, SO now wants to cover all of the finances on his own. His job pays amazingly but he does not have stellar savings; he’s got bills and loans to pay up the wazoo and that’s the reason we were going to do this together.
I know some of you bees have asked to chip in just to get turned down. Does he feel like it’s an attack on his manhood or something? He does have many clowns in his family, I’m thinking maybe he told them about the plan and they made a joke that offended him…
So, worst things coming out of this are 1) This is seriously going to hurt his bank account, and 2) He now has to save up more, meaning our engagement is definitely going to get pushed back to later this year (maybe even to early next year!). So what can I do to slide myself back into helping him out? Or is it just not going to happen? I really haven’t been pushy so I don’t think I’m annoying him away from it either…
Post # 3
@NinjaWings: It’s possible he thought it over and wants the ring to be purely a gift from him, at least financially, although he may still want your input on the design. If he wants to do this for you, let him, and trust that he has it figured out. 🙂
Post # 4
We’re going to pick out a ring this fall, and he wants me to pick it, but has refused all offers of monetary help, even though I wouldn’t mind. We share all our other expenses, this just may be a man pride thing. I wouldn’t press the issue.
My guy has a real thing about “doing this right” (his words)- even though we’re going to pick it out together, even though we have already decided to get married which is enough of an engagement for me – he really wants to get down on the knee with a ring he has paid for and do the big asking thing.
I don’t think this is unusual. Though I would still like to help!
Post # 5
Maybe he just thought about it & wants it to be a gift. I know my fiance wouldn’t let anyone help pay for my ring especially me. He’d probably feel like less of a man or some guy thing lol
Post # 6
@NinjaWings: Do you live together? Maybe you could help out with his finances in some other way so he could put more money toward the ring.
Post # 7
@NinjaWings: You’re a very sweet gal. If I offered to my bf to help out with a ring, I think part of him would love the help but he ultimately wouldnt accept it for a few reasons:
1)the “manhood” thing. They’d be MORTIFIED if anyone found out they couldnt “afford” a ring by themselves. That’s just my interpretation.
2)if I help with the ring, that tips his hand further in regard to the suprise element.
3)if something (god forbid) goes south, now one of us is buying the other out of a ring.
I know every situation is different, and we’ve discussed it before, but my final stance was “if i’m contributing to the ring, i’ll buy the entire thing myself.”
To answer your question directly, if you want to help, just tell him again. But dont pressure him 🙂 let him make the call. This is probably the only BIG suprise he’ll ever get to do for you.
Post # 8
Post # 9
you can also just let the idea of paying for the ring go- you already said you’d help pay and he’s decided he wants to pay for it all himself. So you can save up more for the wedding. He probably has no clue how much some of the wedding budget items cost. There’s bound to be something that you really want that he doesn’t see the point of – use the $ you were putting aside for the ring for that instead. Or you could put it toward the honeymoon or a special present for him on the day of the wedding (if you all are exchanging gifts).
Post # 10
@somethingaquamarine: yep! and everything is split 60-40 because he makes A LOT more than me.
I think what is bothering me the most is that since we were originally splitting the bill he was letting me look at more pricey mounts and I wasn’t guilty to point out my favorites. It’s not that I’m scared about getting something I don’t like (I’d wear a ring pop!), it’s that I know he’ll still go for an expensive one plus the $1500+ of the sapphire. Oy.
We are most likely going to have a small wedding, hopefully no more than 100 (yeah, kinda big, but we both have huge families so this is small for us).
Mount-wise we were going for a $4000 limit, and I reassured him that he can still stick to that budget for both the stone and ring if he really wants to cover the entire cost.