(Closed) Trying to be a helper bee but my funds are officially out of the mix

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@NinjaWings:  It’s possible he thought it over and wants the ring to be purely a gift from him, at least financially, although he may still want your input on the design.  If he wants to do this for you, let him, and trust that he has it figured out.  🙂

Post # 4
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

We’re going to pick out a ring this fall, and he wants me to pick it, but has refused all offers of monetary help, even though I wouldn’t mind. We share all our other expenses, this just may be a man pride thing. I wouldn’t press the issue.

My guy has a real thing about “doing this right” (his words)- even though we’re going to pick it out together, even though we have already decided to get married which is enough of an engagement for me – he really wants to get down on the knee with a ring he has paid for and do the big asking thing. 

I don’t think this is unusual. Though I would still like to help!

Post # 5
1966 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Maybe he just thought about it & wants it to be a gift. I know my fiance wouldn’t let anyone help pay for my ring especially me. He’d probably feel like less of a man or some guy thing lol

Post # 6
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@NinjaWings:  Do you live together? Maybe you could help out with his finances in some other way so he could put more money toward the ring.

Post # 7
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@NinjaWings:  You’re a very sweet gal. If I offered to my bf to help out with a ring, I think part of him would love the help but he ultimately wouldnt accept it for a few reasons:

1)the “manhood” thing. They’d be MORTIFIED if anyone found out they couldnt “afford” a ring by themselves. That’s just my interpretation.

2)if I help with the ring, that tips his hand further in regard to the suprise element.

3)if something (god forbid) goes south, now one of us is buying the other out of a ring. 

I know every situation is different, and we’ve discussed it before, but my final stance was “if i’m contributing to the ring, i’ll buy the entire thing myself.”

To answer your question directly, if you want to help, just tell him again. But dont pressure him 🙂 let him make the call. This is probably the only BIG suprise he’ll ever get to do for you.

Post # 9
1772 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

you can also just let the idea of paying for the ring go- you already said you’d help pay and he’s decided he wants to pay for it all himself. So you can save up more for the wedding.  He probably has no clue how much some of the wedding budget items cost.  There’s bound to be something that you really want that he doesn’t see the point of – use the $ you were putting aside for the ring for that instead.  Or you could put it toward the honeymoon or a special present for him on the day of the wedding (if you all are exchanging gifts).

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