(Closed) Trying to be better – but how? LONG

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i recntly told my hubby that in 50yrs time im sure i will kill him for leaving his dirty clothes in the bathtub… which is right near the clothes hamper

 

 

Post # 4
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

hehe this happens all the time with me and Fiance. I don’t mind doing dishes and straightening up but sometimes it just drives me crazy! Fiance will eat something and put the trash part in his glass and leave it on the living room coffee table. Everyonce in awhile I just snap and yell "I HATE when you leave your *crap* all over the place". That usually gets it off my chest. It blows over within seconds.

Today he actually ate a chicken drumstick and accidentally put the bone in my water glass instead of his. I was SO disgusted. 

I find it easier to laugh about these things though. He never does anything maliciously and it is just easier to say "you’re gross. get me a new drink and put your stuff away". Its tough sometimes but in the long run its easier just to laugh.

Post # 5
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Unfortunately, I don’t think there’s anything else you can do unless you want to either have a serious conversation with him, or just stop cleaning up after him. Let him "live in squalor", as it were.

I know my dad (and my sister and I, to be honest) do this type of stuff sometimes at home, and it drives my mom BONKERS. =/ There’s not much you can do, besides nag, in my experience. And sometimes that doesn’t even work. Usually though, my mom manages to get us to keep our "messes" in our own rooms. 

Post # 6
Member
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Well I guess I am not going to be of much use on this one but I will say that when he cooks there is generally a disaster in the kitchen for a couple of days. I am still not sure that he knows what the broom is used for. Nor does he know that just because you take the trash out of the can and set the bag beside the can that it does not count as taking out the trash. I am so tempted right now to throw his crap in the laundry room out in the yard because I am just tired of looking at it. Argh. I think I just added to your vent.

 

 

Post # 8
Member
2143 posts
Buzzing bee

Well, you said that he is proud of himself because he thinks he’s doing a good job, but in reality it’s you doing it, so maybe you should just not do it for him? Or take baby steps and do some of it, but leave a little left for him and give him huge praises and maybe some smexy flirting for doing what you’d like so that he keeps doing it. i know itll get annoying, but maybe if you just leave it and not say anything, he’ll take care of it. maybe he resents you telling him that stuff. it would be super annoying though. my hubby has a bad habbit of cluttering up the computer desk and coffee table and the dresser. just try to remember all of the reasons that you do love him and just remind yourself that he isnt doing it because he just wants to annoy you or be disrespectful, that’s just how he is! good luck. maybe try writing a message on the bathroom mirror with that window paint stuff?? or leaving a very friendly post-it that will make him smile AND put his stuff away 🙂

Post # 10
Member
2025 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’ve just come to the realization that his priorities are different than mine…I like the house pretty much cleaned up all of the time, and he would live in his filth forever. It is hard to get someone to take action on things that they flat out don’t care about. It is just not on his priority list, and because I’m the one who cares, I’m the one who keeps picking up. It’s not fair, but I’m willing to pick my fights on things that really matter. That’s not to say say that I’m not sometimes cursing him under my breath while I’m walking his 8th cup of the day to the sink.

Of course, if he waited for me to mow the lawn, the grass would be higher than the house by now!

 

Post # 11
Member
30 posts
Newbee

I don’t think you should say anything.  Just let the dishes pile up!  Who does he have to blame when they start to smell….except uh himself!  He’ll get to them eventually.  I PROMISE.

Post # 12
Member
37 posts
Newbee

I agree with GaBGal……just laugh it off.  I’ve been married for almost 4 years.  In the beginning little things do piss me off.  To this day my husband still leaves dishes in the sink (even though he recently got laid off, and I work all day), leaving the toilet seats up, and the most annoying habit….leaving the toothpaste cap open.  He could just easily screw the cap back on….but he’s too laszy to do it.  Since the cap is not on, sometimes the toothpaste will be gushing out…making a mess on the counter.  So annoying!  But these are habits….and sometimes they are just unaware and it’s hard for them to change.  Just like I have annoying habits that my husband can’t stand…..such as leaving cups around the house when I done with my drink.  I tend to forget to bring them to the sink…so my hubby always brings them to the sink for me.  And after shower, I forget to pick up my hair on the bottom tub…but my husband does it for me.  With all my bad habits…my husband never once complain to me.  I once read a book called "Don’t Sweat the small stuff"  and these are just things that we should just not fuss about.  There are far more things in life then to fuss over little stuffs like these.  I’ve learn to just appreciate each other and feel greatfull for the little things he does with my bad habits.  If you think of it that way…you won’t be as mad.  Why get so mad when you’re only making yourself more miserable.  Habits are just hard to change.  

Post # 13
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Wow, that must be frustrating!  I think you should have a conversation with him about exactly what you want him to do and then brainstorm (together) ways that he can be reminded to actually do it.  Maybe making a chore chart isn’t so bad?  It might sound juvenile, but I think if he has a constant reminder of the things he needs to do, and he gets regular appreciation for completing those tasks, he might do it more often. 

For my husband, nagging about chores just makes things worse.  And most of the time he still doesn’t do things when they just need to be done; he has to be reminded.  🙂

Post # 15
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

simple stuff, seriously. "Babe, please leave your shoes on the rug in the back hall" Shoes are on the tile floor.  I put them back. 2 hours later, they are back again on the floor. Is it that hard???!!!

Post # 16
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I’ve encountered similar problems in my marriage. I think it’s a mentality problem: thinking of yourselves as two separate coexisting people or thinking of yourselves as two members of a team working toward a shared goal.

Like with him cleaning up his dishes but not your pasta bowl, that might be a matter of him thinking he was picking up after himself, but why should he pick up after you? (Even though you pick up after him.) Instead of thinking "I’m picking up after me or after her" I’m trying to transition to thinking "We’re keeping a nice-looking home together" and then doing what needs to be done to achieve that. I would talk to him about the vision that you have for the way your house should be kept and make it less about "my mess" or "his mess" or "my chores" and "his chores." It’s easy to ignore your "own" chores because you feel that the only person you’re cheating is yourself. But when you ignore the chores you’ve been assigned but you think of the chores as extensions of the shared vision you have for your house together, you feel more accountable and invested and are more likely to stay on the ball. 

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