(Closed) Trying to be Easygoing, but it’s SOOO hard!!!

posted 8 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
1254 posts
Bumble bee

As a planner myself, instructions to “show up whenever I want” or “arrive with whomever wants to be there” stresses me out. I prefer some guidelines so I know what to do and when to do it. I know you are making it easier on people but the lack of guidelines can be stressful for them which is contrary to your intention. Imagine having to pack for that? Everything from pool party, to suit & tie is stressful…haha!


Post # 4
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Aw, I’m sorry people are rebelling against your cruisiness! Maybe you just need to give them a  big “CHILL OUT YOU’RE STRESSING ME OUT!!!” memo.


I have been planned but cruisy up until now cos our venue has been renovating for nearly a year turning a cafe into a reception centre and our wedding is in two months and they’re not finished. Like, no weatherboards, big piles of bricks lying around kind of not finished. I’ve been calm up until now, but the idea of having our wedding photos taken next to a construction sight is pushing the friendship!!!!

Post # 6
1254 posts
Bumble bee

@CanAmBride: It sounds like to me that your goal is not really to be “easy going.” Because if that was the case, you wouldn’t be stressing out right now =)

Instead, it looks like your real intention is to lower your expectations so that you don’t set yourself up for dissapointment. Hence, your solution is to be easy going.

My suggestion is to provide your guests with the detailed guidelines (because you know you want to), but leave it up to them to follow or not. That way you don’t expect them to do anything, and in the end you might be pleasantly surprised. =)

Post # 8
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It’s nice that people want things to look good for you. I would tell them (1) yes, there will be dancing, and (2) pick out an outfit and you’ll tell them if it works. I told my bridesmaids to wear a blue dress. One of my girls brought three dresses, one of which was too low cut for her and the other didn’t go with the MOH’s blue dress (you know when colors are close and just don’t work together). Because we looked at the dresses before the wedding we figured out what would look good. Breakfast the next day was at 9 – some people were on time some people were late, but that way everyone showed up when people were still there and we got to see them without hanging around for four hours.

Also, your photographer will want a detailed timeline so they know where to be, when to be there, and how to schedule formal photos so all the timing works. Timelines are good, but if you’re running late like we were you will just have to let it flow at that point.

Post # 9
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

The truth of the matter is, people need a bit of ritual, especially when it comes to weddings. They kind of like to be herded. That’s why the traditional, ceremony-cocktails-dinner-dancing works nicely–everyone knows what’s happening when and what they’re supposed to be doing. So you being a *little* more OCD might help your guests feel more at ease, paradoxically.

So in essence, you have to script some things out and make some decisions. I think you DO have to decide whether you would like dancing–people are asking that because it affects what clothes and shoes they might choose to wear. As far as BMs and GMs go, offer some guidance, even if it’s as simple as “cocktail attire” or “dressy business casual.” Your girlfriends might appreciate a shopping trip even if they don’t end up buying anything, they might appreciate knowing where your tastes connect.  

In other words, what you WILL have to change in your OCD tendencies is not the capacity for planning but the rigidity of your expectations that everything will go according TO plan! Harder, but necessary.

Post # 10
1030 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i agree with PPs – with some guidelines and structure, it will be easy for people to be easygoing *within* that. I’d be stressed out too with absolutely no help about what to wear, when to show up, what to expect, etc. Tell them what’s happening and then make the atmosphere fun when you get there!

Post # 12
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I tried to avoid all this stress by hiring a DOC, but it didn’t work. Everyone bothers the bride for all the details, even if she has posted them on the website and emailed everyone about it already. When people asked me for specific times/schedules I tried to answer as best I could, but found myself throwing in a “Once everyone gets there” REsponse every once in a while.

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