(Closed) Trying to be happy for others, not working [short vent]

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee

@GamerGirl:  well you got several months to work on you. work out, grow your hair out, start secretly planning your wedding, get some ideas….. ocuppy that time

Post # 4
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

Work out and work out hard!

I doubt mine is coming anytime soon, *eyeroll* and I decided 2 weeks ago, I may wake up my 32nd birthday in April not engaged again, but I’ll be damned if I don’t lose a ton of weight and look good at 32!

Post # 5
Member
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

We are in a similar situation.  What helped me (which sounds insane) is that I thought about if I would want to be with my friend’s fiance- UGH- SUPER GROSS.  I don’t want to be with HIM, I want to be with MY MAN!! It made me feel less jealous, bc I would never date that guy, let alone spend the rest of my life with him.  Hope it helps- you will get through it and it will be your turn (fairly) soon.  I may have to wait til August as well… but we can do it!!

 

Post # 6
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@GamerGirl:  You are building your relationship with a solid foundation that you can be very proud of!!

Post # 7
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee

@MsMamaBear:  I hear that girl!! That is my plan as well. We have yet another set of friends, that are getting married in June. SO and I are in the wedding party, we are even walking together (can you say torture). Im over the moon for the two of them, but its so hard helping her plan. since I want it to be my turn.

But in this new year, I will be working on a new me. workout to lose my last 15 lbs. eat healthier , and take better care of my hair/ skin. even going to buy me a few new outfits. just focusing on me, and HOPEFULLY Ill have my ring in the spring.

Post # 8
Member
86 posts
Worker bee

Tell me about it. 4 years ago my girlfriends from school and myself all went on a group holiday along with our SO’s. Me and my Boyfriend or Best Friend had been together for 2 years at the time. Fast forward to today and all but one couple has changed (new guys) and they are all now married and I am still… WAITING!

My Boyfriend or Best Friend is younger than the other guys but not by much and going to each of their weddings, comparing how quickly they’ve all gotten engaged… it’s so hard to be happy for them but not start to feel resentful towards the BF!! He’s wonderful and I’m happy to wait until he is ready (within reason!) but uuuurrrrgggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!

We have HOPEFULLY got some sort of timeline together but it’s not the sort of thing I can talk with my girlfriends about since all of them had ‘surprise’ proposals and I feel like they would judge me so maybe the end is in sight, but I know your pain!!!!! xxx

 

Post # 9
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Believe me, I know how you feel. I had to endure the news of three different couples, all dating for significantly less time than SO and I in less than a week. You want to be happy, but then the green eyed monster comes out.

I think it really depends on how you’re dealing with waiting.

Post # 10
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@GamerGirl:

Completely understandable. It’s hard to wait for something we really want.

I spent seven years single and alone. I remember just wondering when Mr. Right would come along. I watched family members gets married. Have babies. Then the last of my single friends were married off, and I began to panic.

A friend of mine (we were engaged the same month) was getting quite annoyed with her now husband. She knew he wanted to marry her, they had discussed it but he wanted to surprise her. And he wanted her to pick out the ring she wanted.

They went to a jeweler and found “the ring.” Then she left empty handed, no pun inteneded. He said, “Okay, I know what you want but I want to pay for it cash. I will be working odd jobs and then come purchase the ring. I don’t want to get into debt.”

My friend was livid! She felt like she would never get engaged by that point and she was completely bummed out.

Four months later…he proposed with one heck of a ring. The one she had chosen. Wow! And he had already lined up the date with his pastor. So he had been one busy man. My now husband proposed to me and everyone knew it was going to happen but me! LOL! So everyone has their story.

 

I say all that to say this: It’ll happen! It’s not easy to wait but there is a reason for everything. And I have to say it is totally worth the wait. Embarassed

 

Post # 11
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

@Mz_HyProfyl:  At least we’ll be looking good while these men plan these proposals! 🙂

Post # 12
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Just wanted to post a few words of encouragement! There is a light at the end even if it takes forever & a day to get there…Although hopefully none of you ladies have to wait as long as me lol…it only took him 7 years, 7 months, and exactly 7 days… which finally my wait was over 12/18!! i had to fall in love with the stubborn one & i’m not much of an ultimatum kind of person…did alot of nagging but I’m sure that didn’t help either

But i totally understand how it feels when it comes to “trying to be happy for others”…I had to watch practically every one I know get engaged and then married, kids, etc….(even had 2 sadly end in divorce already)… with the majority of the relationships beginning well after mine had…and over 7 1/2 years from the age of 23 to 30 (prime time for people to get married I suppose)…that’s alot of people!!! & it sucked BIG time & the slap in the face got harder each time as the years me & my now Fiance were together kept stacking up!! i even had 2 friends that were engaged within less than 1 years time, 1 being around 6 months (oddly-not the same ones that are already divorced). & it seemed like after 4 or 5 years there were a few people in my boat but they too were able to experience what i was so patiently waiting for long before I ever would…& that sucked too!! & of course everyone would always ask…so when are y’all getting engaged? how long are you going to give him? etc etc etc…was verrrryyyy tired of hearing that kind of stuff too…but i knew that we were going to spend the rest of our lives together and i wasn’t going to listen to all the comments about giving an ultimatum bc i know there isn’t anyone else for me out there. so all i could do is wait for my turn & watch others with envy

so bottom line is that you have every right to feel the way you do…my only words of advice speaking from experience is not to let the issue become a negative part of your relationship…& that isn’t easy either…especially if you are willing to wait bc you genuinely know it is meant to be and aren’t the ultimatum kind of person either…so this is the perfect place to vent lol. wish i would have known about this board along time ago

sorry to ramble on… i think i’m retro-actively venting…but anyways…Best of luck to all you ladies & I really really hope your day comes soon!! it will be one of the best days of your lives and the beginning of a whole new exciting chapter…even if it ends up taking x number of years longer than you ever imagined…trust me when i say i know all about that roller coaster Wink

Post # 13
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee

Heh, I saw two Facebook engagements in one day. One girl graduated with me from high school this past spring, and the other is about a year older. I was really surprised…the one my age has a now-fiance in the military, and the slightly older one is very conservative and could oppose premarital sex for all I know.

I was talking with a mutual friend about the girl my age. Even though I am very liberal and believe that marriage isn’t for everyone, and that my friend is an evangelical Christian who really opposes sex outside of marriage, we both agreed that our other friend was going too quickly. Both of us were a tiny bit jealous, but since we have very young relationships (mine with DBF is going on nine months, and hers is a few months old) and neither of us personally like the idea of five-year engagements, we both knew it wouldn’t work for either of us.

And yes, I live in the Midwest, but I also went to high school in a very educated area. I remember looking at surveys in middle school that said I was the only student in one of my classes with a mom who worked outside the home, since the incomes are so high here. Then again, conservative presidential candidates always count on my region to win my urban county, so I dunno. 😛

Post # 14
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I know this feeling all too well too. I always feel so guilty about it. I keep saying to my SO that I’m not a horrible person (luckily he agrees lol). I just wish so much that he would do it.

I remember when my friend got engaged a couple of years back (she got married last summer), they came round to announce it which for one, completley overshadowed my “MIL”‘s 50th birthday. Second, she had engineered and pushed through the whole thing. That night when my SO and I went to bed I absolutely cried my eyes out. I’m lucky he didn’t get completely freaked out! That is the only time I have been really upset.  Other times I just feel a bit… flat. 

The topic ‘Trying to be happy for others, not working [short vent]’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors