Trying to be positive after miscarriage

posted 2 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 20
Member
7897 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks, after hearing a strong heart beat. I was pretty surprised as I had already had two easy successful pregnancies and thought I was past the danger point. But I did miscarry. It took months for my period to come back and become regular. It took 10 months for us to conceive again. Luckily that pregnancy was fine and now that baby is 19 months old. But that whole pregnancy I was holding my breath. I didn’t really relax until she was in my arms. Let yourself have a little time, as grief is a weird thing. I wish you peace, and luck conceiving again when you are ready.

Post # 22
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

I agree with you ladies. I don’t understand why women aren’t encouraged to talk more openly about their miscarriages. I told close friends and family about the baby and the miscarriage and I felt such support and comfort from them and it was their loss too. But I also had strong comments from close friends and the one coworker I told that I should be careful about sharing the news too early .. but I intentionally shared it because I knew I’d need their support if something happened and I knew I would need to tell work as well. My one coworker made snarky comments throughout the pregnancy about the possibility of miscarriage and then acted like I should be ashamed after my miscarriage… another coworker who had a miscarriage herself that I told after the fact literally said “that’s not exactly something you want to advertise” when I tried to have an open discussion with her. SO strange! I cannot believe someone would have that kind of reaction generally, but certainly not when they’ve had one themselves! When we do our baby announcement I am mentioning our rainbow baby. No shame here, and I want other women to know they aren’t alone. During my miscarriage a girl on my Facebook had a rainbow baby post and I felt so comforted seeing this. 

Anyway, I remembered that shortly after my miscarriage I saw a movie on Netflix called “Return to Zero”. The movie is actually about a woman who has a stillbirth and it’s an extremely difficult watch but I found it very therapeutic and had a sob through the whole thing which was also very cathartic. It is as heavy as it sounds though.. just a forewarning. 

Post # 23
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee

 I never doubted after my first loss that I’d ultimately hold a baby in my arms, and I never EVER looked back.  Grateful  every day of my life to have had 2 great kids,.

Also, I think it’s VERY helpful to have absolute TOTAL faith in your ob/gym.

Post # 24
Member
957 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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pivot :  I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Please take care and be good to yourself. I have been through 2 early losses. I was devastated with both of them and like you I wasn’t sure how I would have the strength to try again or how I could enjoy pregnancy without being terrified. I am now 30 weeks pregnant and it was hard to try again and I was worried when we got pregnant but i got through by just focusing on the fact that worrying wont change the outcome.  I just took it one day at a time, tried to find things I enjoy, and I also focused on finding things to help me with anxiety before ttc again and during the pregnancy. For me I did acupuncture and meditation and this really helped with my anxiety. It took some time for it to work but once it did It really helped.  Havent done acupuncutee since the 1st trimster but I still do my meditation weekly.  I found one from Circle and Bloom that takes you through meditating each week of pregnancy. I also used them while ttc. I still get worried sometimes bc I dont think its posible not to worry a little. I would just try to find what works for you. Maybe talk to your dh or a trusted friend or family member. That can help too. Also remember miscarriages are common and many women go on to have healthy babies afterwards.  Also when you get pregnant again just know the odds are in your favor that all will be ok. Again please take care of yourself. You have been through a lot. Take however much time you need to heal.  I wish you the best of luck. Again I am very sorry for your loss.

Post # 25
Member
3231 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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pivot :  I’m sorry you’re going through it. It’s so “normal” and happens to so many women, but when it’s you it’s different and isolating and heartbreaking. 

I had a miscarriage on July 4th and I am still struggling with it. I had some bleeding, got an US and they saw the heartbeat, but a few days later I had the miscarriage. I have a 16 month old so I was getting excited for them to be close in age, see him with a sibling, etc. and I have really struggled with the fact that my family will now never look like I envisioned. I got my period back in August and we started trying again, but so far I’m not pregnant. Both with my son and my MC I got pregnant on the first try, now having to work on it sucks. I’ve had several friends get pregnant and despite knowing about my MC they send me pics of their positive tests, videos of their husbands finding out, etc. It’s made me extremely bitter and feel even more alone. 

Ive always been anxious anyway so I know when I get pregnant it’s going to be tenfold. I hope you get your rainbow baby soon. You’re not alone even though I know it feels that way. 

Post # 26
Member
7627 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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carolinabelle :  “I’ve had several friends get pregnant and despite knowing about my MC they send me pics of their positive tests, videos of their husbands finding out, etc. It’s made me extremely bitter and feel even more alone.”

Ugh, wtf is wrong with people!? This makes me so furious. Like two days after my MC, my close friend who was around 8 months pregnant at the time, and knew about my loss, sent me a snapchat of her massive bump with a snarky caption about the struggle of not being able to button her pants. I ignored it, but was like seriously??? Then another day or two after that, she texts me and a mutual friend complaining about pregnancy-induced constipation. At that point I had to say something…like it’s fine to vent about this stuff but maybe not to your bestie who is literally still bleeding from her MC? Know your audience, people!

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