- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015
FI was raised Jewish and I was raised Catholic (though I was never confirmed). Neither of us are at all religious at this point in our lives. Regardless of the fact that neither of us attend services or really partake in any religious traditions whatsoever, it is important to FI to incorporate some Jewish traditions into our wedding. I am fine with that, although I did struggle a bit with feeling like it was a bit fake (since FI is not religious) and a little left out, because these are all Jewish traditions and are rather meaningless to me, as I did not grow up in the Jewish faith.
Anyway, I think that I have (mostly) moved past that and am willing to do whatever he’d like in the ceremony, as long as I do have a say in other aspects of the ceremony (readings, vows, officiant, etc.).
Our venue is beautiful, but it isn’t ideal for a ceremony, so I have been doing a lot of research in terms of finding a place that is close to our reception venue and is willing to accomodate an interfaith wedding. At first, I really didn’t want to get married in a religious place, but I have not had a lot of luck finding ceremony venues nearby that are not churches. Today, while doing some research, I came across a BEAUTIFUL Unitarian Universalist church that is about a 10 minute walk from our reception space. I thought it could be perfect, because Unitarians are very liberal and draw on many aspects of Judaism in their worship. I emailed the person in charge of weddings at the church and he confirmed that they are willing and able to peform an interfaith wedding and are happy to incorporate as many or as few Jewish traditions as we’d like. I was really, really excited about this place and thought it could solve ALL of our problems and make me feel a bit more involved and excited about our ceremony. So, I emailed my FI.
He hates the idea. He doesn’t want to get married in a church, no matter what. Even though Unitarians aren’t even what he thinks of as truly Christian. Ugh.
I feel like I am trying SO hard to compromise on this, and I’m trying to find something that will make both of us feel involved and comfortable. I have done tons of research and really haven’t come up with many options, so I thought this one could really work for us. I feel like my FI isn’t attempting to try to understand my point of view or my needs at all, and it’s really, really frustrating. He also hasn’t done ANY research on his own and hasn’t come up with any good alternatives.
I don’t want to turn this into a fight, but I just don’t see how this is fair. Any advice? Any Bees with similar experiences?
FYI, we have had many, many conversations about religion. We both agree that we want to expose our children to BOTH religions and traditions. We also both agree that our children will have bar/bat mitzvahs, as this is really important to my FI.