(Closed) Trying to cope with my alcoholic mother.. :'(

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Oh hon, I’m so sorry you’re carrying all this on your shoulders. Have you ever tried Al-Anon? I hear they can be wonderful for helping family members of alcoholics. Or talked to a therapist about strategies for managing your dealings with her, in the interest of protecting your own heart and soul (and bank account) while doing what you can to help her?

Post # 4
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m so sorry to hear this.  I’m sure you already understand that this entire situation is out of your control because you’ve been dealing with it for a long time.  For your own sanity you need to work on some coping mechanisms that allow you to cope without feeling immense guilt.  I agree that therapy might be a good option. 

I have several family members (aunts, uncles, cousins) who are alcoholics and I’ve seen that it can do to a family. 

Post # 5
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Oh sugar I am so sorry to read this. My mother has 37 years of sobriety. My grandma had 50 or so when she passed away. My dad was a drunk, so was my grandpa. I was literally raised in the program and have seen alcoholism destroy lives. You should really consider seeking out an Al Anon program, if for no other reason than to be able to vent to people who know what you’re actually going through. I am gonna pray hard for you, lady. Keep your chin up.

Post # 6
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

You are an amazing daughter but it’s time for you to get help for yourself.  I really recommend all family members of alcoholics get counseling for themselves because constantly dealing with your mom is not good for you either.  Sadly, at some point your mom will need to realize for herself that she’s ready to get better and nothing you do to help her (such as giving her money and bailing her out of jail) is putting her in a position to want to change.  By helping her the way you currently are you are enabling her to continue her behavior.  At counseling you can decide when it’s time to step back and let mom either self destruct or decide it’s time to get herself together without feeling guilty about it.  Honestly, it sounds like your sister is at that point and so long as your mom can lean on you she will continue her alcoholism.

Post # 8
197 posts
Blushing bee

I am so sorry that your situation is so extreme.  My father is an alcoholic as well so I can relate to the destruction and emotional turmoil you are in. I highly suggest looking into some form of counseling.  I would google sliding scale counseling in your area or maybe check with some local churches. Often times they provide more cost friendly services. When I started therapy, i had no money and I was able to find someplace that allowed me to see someone for 10 dollars a session after submitting my tax return. I had SO MUCH RAGE towards my father until I started seeing someone.  i had a hard time, like you, coming to the fact that he won’t change because he doesn’t want to.  If nothing else, this is a supportive place to vent.  We might not have the most professional advice, but at least you can get your thoughts out.  There are always people here to listen. 

Again, I am sorry for your situation. 

Post # 9
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Im so sorry you’re going through this…my mother is also an alcoholic.  She started when she was diagnosed with lupus and ms.  It is SUCH a hard position to be in 🙁

 Im not sure if you have this problem as well but whats even harder is that my fiances parents are about as normal as you can get. Part of me is so happy I have them, but especially during this wedding planning it makes me so sad that I don’t have my mom to talk about wedding things with…my fiances family has not met mine yet..I have been trying to delay that. 

Stay strong and I hope it gets better for you, I wish you nothing but the best because I know you deserve it.  You are a GREAT daughter and try not to put too much stress on yourself.  Easier said, I know!

Post # 10
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

No advice, just well wishing.


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