Trying to cut a friend out… help! (LONG)

posted 8 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
886 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

That is truly bizarre that a grown woman is obsessed with a bikini someone else owns, and that she’s involving all your friends!? Drop her. Don’t reply. If she confronts you in person tell her you are done talking about this issue. She does not have a right to something you own just because she doesn’t think you will use it, and what she said was insulting and cruel. If anyone else brings it up, just smile and say “I’m not going to discuss this. Let’s talk about something else.” 

I would not have offered it for $200. Don’t let her spin this out. “No” is a complete sentence. 

Post # 3
1256 posts
Bumble bee

I think you just need to tell her, in no uncertain terms, that you’re absolutely done with her childish dramatics and involving other people who don’t care to be bothered with this nonsensical bullshit and that she shouldn’t ever bother contacting you again and block her number. Fuck that, bee.  She’s gotta go!

Post # 4
1475 posts
Bumble bee

I’d contact the friends she has complained about (or at least the ones that reached out to you) and tell them that A has been bombarding you with requests for your property. You’d appreciate if they would shut down the topic if she complains about you as you refuse to engage in this topic.

If you are all part of a group that hangs out together you can also let them know that you’re getting really overwhelmed with the constant barrage from A and that you’ll be taking an A break at any get togethers (mostly so that they know to clue you in when A is invited and you don’t have to see her)

As for A, you’ve got 2 ways of going about it. You could give her a last chance and send her a text something like “A, we’ve been friends for ages but I’m getting to the end of my rope. I need you to start respecting my answers to your requests. If you can’t do this, then I will know that you don’t respect me as a friend”. Then if she doesn’t stop, cut her off.

Option 2 with A is to just stop responding to her completely. She’ll get the message eventually. Do not engage. And don’t respond if she reaches out asking why you’ve stopped talking to her. Just disappear.

Post # 5
8980 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

You cannot control what she does, you can only control what you do. So if she is going to try to turn mutual friends against you, that’s what she’s going to do. If they buy into her drama well you are probably better off without them anyway.

Personally, I’m a fan of being direct. I would probably say that I feel like we’ve been drifting apart and fighting more and more, we are clearly in different places in life so it would be for the best if we both just move on from this friendship. And then I’d stop responding.

Post # 6
287 posts
Helper bee

Um…that’s weird. Not to be harsh but this sounds exactly like the kind of drama-filled friend problem that would have sucked me in when I was in high school; but at 30, hell no.

You sound scared of rocking the boat because she’s turned your friends against you in the past…but it sounds like you just need a whole new friend group, to be honest.

Post # 8
708 posts
Busy bee

Do not reinforce her behavior. She has no right to borrow your bikini. Period. If she wants to have tantrum like a 2-year-old over it, that’s on her. You hold your ground and keep your boundaries. If your other friends are truly your friends, they’ll know who was in the wrong and won’t allow her to ruin your friendships with them.

Post # 10
287 posts
Helper bee

ladyvk :  Good for you! Its seriously messed up of her to reference your weight when trying to coerce you for the millionth time to let her borrow something; you shouldn’t have to put up with that.

Sorry you had to deal with all that crazy in the first place though :\

Post # 11
792 posts
Busy bee

ladyvk :  This girl is outragous.  She is an adult, she can find and purchase her own bikini like an adult.  Even if there isn’t exactly like the style they no longer make, any normal person would either find something new or go looking for another one. It seems catty, entitled, weird and childish for her to insist on “borrowing” your goal bikini. You had zero obligation to give her a reason why you would not be giving her something you own. She had no grounds to stand on in demanding it, throwing a fit to you and all of your mutual friends, and then attacking you.

With an extremely low blow.

Sorry but this isn’t a friendship, this is a toxic obligationship because you used to be friends when you were in HS. Sounds like you have outgrown her, but she has failed to grow and mature herself.

I would go 100% radio silent on this chick and drop her like the venomous snake she is.

Post # 12
5906 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

ladyvk :  glad you took a stand. Stick to your guns because I’m sure someone will try to smooth things over and it’s a waste of time

side note: am I the only person who would never, ever share swimwear with another person? It’s basically underwear and the thought is just so ick to me.  Also op, I’m pretty sure she just wants to beat you to the bikini because you’re beating her down the aisle. Childish. 

Post # 13
12187 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

ladyvk :  the more screwed up and entitled someone is, the more ridiculous their demands and the harder they will work to paint anyone who stands up to them as the problem.

Your friend is a jerk. She attacked you re your weight because she felt entitled to take something that means a lot to you. She is clearly not a friend.

Post # 14
672 posts
Busy bee

She can get her own damn bikini, it’s super weird she wants yours. She sounds like serious drama and I’d not be into indulging that either. 

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