- 6 months ago
- Wedding: October 2017
I feel stupid even writing this post, but I have to ask outside our circle of friends, lest something get back to my friend about this before I speak with her and decide what to say.
My friend “A” and I have known each other since high school. We’re both in our thirties now and our friendship has always been a little tense but we’ve survived. I’m married, I don’t drink as much as I used to, I stopped doing drugs and I’ve gotten my life together (I was a serious mess before, I will admit). She’s in a different place than I am. I don’t judge her for this, everyone is different. I just don’t have time for her antics and drama anymore, I’m getting sick of it really fast.
When I first got engaged there was some jealousy on her part because she knew my life goals never “Included getting married” (her words). Stuff happens, I met a man I fell in love with. She told me I stole her dream by getting married before her. I didn’t put her in the wedding party because I felt we weren’t that close and she called me in the middle of night crying about it (I had to work in 3 hours).
We got past that. I let it go. I’ve let quite a few things go actually.
Preface to what I’m asking:
When I first got engaged in 2015 I bought a bikini from Victoria’s Secret (before they stopped selling them). It was my goal to fit into before the wedding. Life happens, I still haven’t lost the weight I gained because of medication and other stress. The important part of this is that Victoria’s Secret no longer sells this style and you can barely find the set on e-bay. It’s special to me, it’s my goal bikini, and I don’t think I have to defend that, but…
Here’s the hard part – “A” asked me in January if she could borrow this bikini for a vacation she was taking with a Boyfriend or Best Friend.
It’s still in the packaging with the tags on it and everything, never been worn.
If I let her borrow anything, I never see it again.
So I obviously told her no as I felt I was well within my right to do so. I even brought up that she has a lot of my stuff she hasn’t returned even though I’ve asked her multiple times. Somehow this escalated into a full blown argument between us and she refused to talk to me for a week. She got ALL our mutual friends involved in this stupidity to the point that someone said I should just give it to her, to shut her up, we were all sick of it.
Eventually she let it go because EVERYONE was mad at her for going on and on about this.
I thought we had dropped that. Until yesterday.
She texted me casually back and forth before she asked to borrow the bikini again. I got quite annoyed but instead of snapping I sent her a link to something similar on ebay, told her if she wanted to buy it she could buy it. She told me in return that she HAS to have THIS specific bikini. I told her I’d lend it to her if she gave me a $200 non-refundable deposit because I never get ANYTHING back from her (I was really just trying to get her to drop it).
“A” then told me that she shouldn’t have to pay me, to borrow something, that I am never going to fit into anyway knowing damn well what this bikini represents for me.
I told her no. She wouldn’t take no for an answer. I got mad.
I shut my phone right off. I wasn’t going to get into that argument. I am a grown woman, I refuse to be spiteful and say mean things in return even though I desperately wanted to. I’ve been known to get nasty, I will admit, so I left my phone off until this morning. It literally froze with the barrage of messages I got. Some from her, some from my friends, all regarding this topic.
She blew the whole thing up again when I said nothing after her nasty comment.
I want to cut her off and stop being friends but I know she will get overly emotional, spin everything her way, and try to turn everyone against me. (she’s done this in the past, though I am still friends with both those girls).
I want this to go as smoothly as possible. This friendship has obviously become toxic for both of us.
I just have no idea how to go about this without triggering her “spin-master” tendencies. I have not yet replied to any text messages.
What would you bees do?