(Closed) Trying to cut down the guest list, am I being unreasonable?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
292 posts
Helper bee

If she wants all those extra people, then it should be on her to cover the cost. 

Post # 18
3 posts
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m in a similar boat, but not quite as extreme! We’re paying about 50% of the total wedding costs, my parents 35%, his mom 15%. My parents have been awesome about understanding that it’s a small wedding and have not made any requests, let alone demands!

We’re having about 80 people, about 25 of which are my family/friends, 30 are his friends, and the remaining 25 are his family/their friends. We can only technically fit 75 people in the venue so we’re cutting it close already and his family keeps calling saying that we need to add people to the guest list that my FH barely even knows!

My main issue is that my family is paying for so much more percentage wise and they are taking up such a small portion of the guest list. There are family members that I’d love to invite, but I don’t get to because he has so many friends and his parents want to make sure every single person they want is invited.

Sigh. Sorry to vent on your post, but all of this is to say that I wish I’d stood strong and given his family a number they could invite from the beginning. You should say that they have 44 people and your FH and his mother can duke it out to decide who makes it. You are giving them twice as many as you have, which is more than fair. If you only want 65 guests, that’s it unless she wants to pitch into the budget!

Post # 19
17 posts
  • Wedding: July 2013

I was in a similar boat as you a few months ago. Future Mother-In-Law took the liberty of inviting ALL of her friends, including ones I have never met, to the bridal shower without my input whatsoever. She told my MoH, who was hosting, that it had my approval, but it did not. So now what do I have to do? Etiquette says I have to invite all of her friends to the wedding if they were invited to the bridal shower. I talked to her about this and she said, “I am inviting them because they invite me to their children’s weddings.’ First of all, it is not up to you or anyone else except for FH and I to invite anyone to our wedding! Secondly, she wasn’t even paying for it. She did pay $500 for the flowers though, which I appreciate, but her guests and their husbands will cost far more than that.


Some people have some nerve. YOU invite whoever YOU want and can afford. Period.

Post # 20
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

We’re having 30ish at our wedding.  Pretty sure neither of our extended families realize it yet.  I will have a bit more becuase I have 3 brothers, 2 who are married and he has 2 sisters only one of whom is married.  And then much the same, my 3 friends that I am inviting have kids and/or are married and of his 3 invited friends only 1 is married.


It’s honestly about headache, drama, and wanting something that is not chaotic…plus my bother got married in Sept ’09, the other in May ’10, his sister in June ’12 and my cousin September ’12 and ….all were HUGE weddings.  So it’s not like we haven’t been to a wedding with all bazillion of our nearest and dearest aunts, uncles and cousins recently.


Both of us believe it’s just not fun to have a big wedding.  I got 2 seconds with my much-loved cousin who got married and hardly saw my brothers at theirs as they were very busy….had a blast with my other cousins, but honestly we could of done that over pizza.


We’d rather a small wedding so our families and very limited friends can have a good time with us, rather than hosting a big party.  Plenty of time in the future to do that.

Post # 21
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@sunshinewish15:  Completely agree with PP … if you’re footing the bill, you and your fiance should get to decide on the final head count and who gets to fill those seats.  We are pretty fortunate that our parents are helping us out quite a bit, but even their money doesn’t come with stipulations, though we just decided that our parents should be able to extend invites to their friends that they want and have seen up grow up.  I would personally have your fiance talk to his mom about what you two are feeling … don’t want any Mother-In-Law drama before the big day!

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