(Closed) Trying to deal with envy and my mom favoring my sister

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 31
Member
88 posts
Worker bee

Don’t go! Stop sucking up to people and live life for yourself, clearly they are doing the same and are plainly selfish in all honesty. Brush it off, go spend time with people that care for you and it seems like it’s your FI’s family. If I was in your situation, I would distance myself from my mother is she acted with such favoritism. You even tried speaking to her, that’s ridiculous. I know a lot of people are saying to be the bigger person and I get that, some people are like that and I applaud them for it. I’m personally not cut out to sit somewhere, smile and not let it get to me. I wish I was but I embraced who I am and that’s fine too!! No right or wrong way to live life in that sense. 

I stopped living for others and putting myself in situations that make me uncomfortable. It’s easy to say to not let it affect you but it clearly does so what’s the point? You don’t choose family you’re born into one, doesn’t mean you have to sit there and take hits when it’s uncalled for. Granted, they may have their own perspective of this situation that may make sense to them or to other people. 

Post # 35
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

View original reply
hanf :  You need to just suck it up and go. I know that it is hard. I get it! But the best thing you can do is show pride for your sister’s accomplishments. If you don’t go or do go but wear a sour face for the entire evening, she will assume you are jealous. Do not give her the satisfaction. She clearly holds you in very high regard if she is putting so much energy into attempts to make you jealous. So not only should you go but you should go and be the one with the giant balloon bouquet ugly over-sized teddy bear with the graduation cap. 

Post # 37
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

View original reply
hanf :  People usually don’t try so hard to make someone jealous if they don’t care about what that person thinks. I think that your opinion matters a lot to her or she has very low self esteem to feel the need to compare your lives.

Post # 38
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
hanf :  oh, honey. You need therapy more than you realize.  You will benefit from understanding your family dynamic and separating your self worth from her horrible treatment of you. I’m sorry you didn’t get the mom you deserve. :'( 

Post # 39
Member
2021 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

View original reply
WesterosBarbie :  Nurses ARE like vegans! One of the only professions where they will work it into conversation. We like to think we’re special, and know as much as the doctors. We don’t. We take orders and abuse and wear a badge of elitist honor for it.

Nursing culture fascinates me. The lateral bullying and backstabbing are a result of nursing being somewhat of an oppressed group. No real power, lots of responsibility, being caught in the middle between doctors and patients/families. 

So your sister is likely to get more annoying as she gets on in her career. It is a well paid profession, and very needed. There’s just a weird power trip/ know it all thing nurses can do like no other.

Post # 40
Member
2758 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

View original reply
hanf :  I hear you. So many people don’t understand that their actions (e.g. pitting siblings against each other by blantantly playing favorites) have consequences (e.g. you spending more time with in-laws who treat you with the respect you deserve). 

Speaking as someone whose mother abused me, therapy won’t necessarily help you feel better about your mom rejecting you, but it will help you manage those feelings better and learn to be your own cheerleader. It will also give you the tools you need to shut down her behavior when she says or does something unacceptable. 

I hope you realize that your mother being mean to you is not a reflection of who you are. I can tell from your writing that you are a bright young woman, and you are making good choices. 

Post # 41
Member
477 posts
Helper bee

Family is so hard to please. Don’t take it personally, they are probably just a tiny bit rotten inside – both of them – and have nothing else to talk about but to brag about but your sister’s achievements, which your mom has nothing to do with directly.

I felt like my sister was always being favoured more by my mother and (step)father due to being very very pretty. I was doing extremely well at school and have graduated a top 10 uni in UK but never got a lot of praise for it or saw them being proud as much as when my sister got her driving license. My mother and grandmother also criticized me a lot about my bulky legs my whole life right in front of me. I can’t give you much advice because I don’t know how to deal with this myself. Just try to remember that you do not need their validation to be happy.

Post # 43
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

View original reply
hanf :  I’m going to totally, 100% DISAGREE with all the cow-towing posters who claim that you simply MUST “suck it up” and attend your sister’s graduation. BULL. No, you absolutely do not. It’s not her wedding, it’s just a graduation. You’ve been to others of hers in the past. I would go to my future sister-in-law’s graduation and that would be that. When my sister and mom asked me why I didn’t attend my sister’s graduation, I’d tell them that it was important to my future husband that I go to his stepsister’s graduation with him and I’d give my sis a nice graduation gift and act like it wasn’t a big thing…because it’s NOT. This shouldn’t be some huge deal…you’re marrying into the man’s family, you shouldn’t have to explain why you’ll be missing out on certain family stuff…it should be evident you have another family now and have other obligations you have to split yourself between. 

As far as the whole superiority thing…I’d ignore that shit real quick. NEVER let anyone make you feel less than. You don’t need to prove yourself to your mom or sister; their hurtful, arrogant behavior actually makes them your inferior, not the other way around. Ignore their BS and love yourself. Nurses are important and so are radio advertisers 🙂 We ALL have something to offer this world; that’s why we’re all here and we’re all DIFFERENT. Ughhh, that kind of crap makes my blood boil. I can’t STAND elitists. They’re the worst, please please ignore them and if you must, put them in their place: “Look sis, I’m tired of your elitist BS. I love my job, it serves a purpose, not everyone wants to be a nurse and congrats to you, I’m proud of you, but you’re not a brain surgeon so cut the crap and let me be.” Don’t let people push you around!

The topic ‘Trying to deal with envy and my mom favoring my sister’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors