(Closed) Trying to figure out how to get OVER this :( – Long

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 4
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I think that no amount of reasoning will matter, you feel the way you feel and it will take time to get over it, but like you said, he did nothing wrong and it doesn’t change the relationship you have now.

Your anniversary.. You DID start dating in Feb, nobody says your anniversary needs to be when you became exclusive. If you want your anniversary to be in feb, then keep it in feb 🙂

Post # 5
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

The anniversary of my first date with my husband was October 17th, and we went on 5 different dates between then and November 21st when we decided to become an actual couple. During that month, well for the first 2 weeks anyways. I will still seeing and having sex with a guy I was previously dating. I didn’t know if we would ever even be anything, he was 15 years my senior, I just did it for fun. But by our 4th date and our first kiss, I stopped with the other guy because I knew I really liked him. But he was probably going on dates too and I’m okay with that. We don’t count our anniversary till November the 21st because before then, we didn’t owe anything to each other.

Post # 6
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

The only thing that will make it better is giving yourself time.

Time to be angry and time to get over it.

At least you know he wasnt in the wrong.

Time will make it better 🙂

Post # 7
Member
973 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think this says it all “he did absolutely NOTHING wrong – I repeat, we were NOT exclusive “. 

You have a right to feel however you feel.  You just found this out and it upset you and that’s fine even natural.  But I think it’s important to keep keeping in mind this happened before you were exclusive. 

I feel like you are reacting to it as you are now with him. I feel that you should keep your Feb anniversary.  I feel you’ll get over this in time.

I also think starting a fight and blaming it on this is a bad thing to do.  You gain nothing from it. Sure you get out some anger/hurt/etc but it’s not really getting you anything positive!  Accept this happened, it happened as you said when it did and he isn’t at fault, so do NOT take it out on him, that will only harm your relationship NOW.  I would lump it in with everything else that happened before you, this is just “before you were exclusive”. 

When it pops into your head and you feel hurt/betrayed/upset/whatever tell yourself “we weren’t exclusive and he did nothing wrong I feel this way because we are exclusive now and I just learned this, these feelings will mellow and pass”, likely you’re upset now because he means so much to you.  This didn’t happen now it happened then and put it in it’s place!

Post # 8
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You already have a “dating” anniversary, and an “exclusive” anniversary, now you’ll have an “engagement” anniversary and a “wedding” anniversary…  I’m not sure how you’ll feel about this, but how about just scrapping the “dating” anniversary altogether?  You’ll be engaged soon, focus on that happy date as a new anniversary to celebrate.

(disclaimer:  I’ve NEVER celebrated dating anniversaries and if you asked me when my first date with by husband was, I could narrow it to the month, but that’s about it.)

Post # 9
Member
6349 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

@MissNoodles:  This. I started dating my OH in October, but have no idea what the date was; we became official on November 22nd, and that is our ‘anniversary’ date, as we weren’t exclusive until then. So, I don’t really ‘get’ having a dating anniversary and personally would just scrap it. But, if it’s important to you then obviously it’s not that easy; in which case, I think you just need time to get over this. I can see why you’re upset, as maybe you feel like he has kept this from you, and if you’ve always celebrated your dating anniversary I can get that maybe you now feel a bit cheated/like it’s a bit ‘tainted’. But, there’s not much that can be done now, and, as you said, he did nothing wrong, so I think you just need to try to move on.

 

Post # 10
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You need to just get over it or at least fake it til you make it. You can’t punish him for doing nothing wrong. Be more confident and secure, and let this be a lesson learned – don’t ask questions you might not want to know the answer to.

Post # 11
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@FutureMrsJohnson_:  I was wondering when the ring part would come in lol.

I think you just need to give it some time. As you say, you’ve rationalized it… your head knows he did nothing wrong, but your heart says otherwise.

It’ll be ok.

Soon you’ll stop thinking about it because you’ll be sick of driving yourself crazy!

Post # 12
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

Yeah, I’m gonna agree with PP that you really can’t punish him for something that happened when you weren’t exclusive. My SO and I had our first date in October and I slept with two other people during the period between then and when we started an exclusive relationship in December. He doesn’t know about either one, but I don’t see why he needs to – I wasn’t cheating on him, and he could have hooked up with other people during that time, too. If the relationship is good, then don’t let something THIS trivial get in the way.

I understand how hard it is to imagine your one and only being with someone else, but what’s past is past and it wasn’t cheating so just try and let it go 🙂

Post # 13
Member
2685 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2007

MissNoodles (message   September 14, 2011  

You already have a “dating” anniversary, and an “exclusive” anniversary, now you’ll have an “engagement” anniversary and a “wedding” anniversary…  I’m not sure how you’ll feel about this, but how about just scrapping the “dating” anniversary altogether?  You’ll be engaged soon, focus on that happy date as a new anniversary to celebrate.

(disclaimer:  I’ve NEVER celebrated dating anniversaries and if you asked me when my first date with by husband was, I could narrow it to the month, but that’s about it.)

 

+1

 

Also, OP, I know how you feel about 4/20..that’s my DD’s birthday! 

Post # 14
Member
3110 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

@FutureMrsJohnson_:  NO MORE of these conversations. Nothing good comes of them. Let the past be in the past. No advice on how to get over. Just stop digging around going forward.

Post # 16
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - The Gables at Chadds Ford

Speaking from experience, it DOES get better with time.  You will cry, you will be mad, you’ll hate him, you’ll love him, you’ll feel like you’re going crazy because you’ll think of it for no reason, and it will feel like you’ll never get past it.  But somehow, time heals all wounds.  You’ll never forget it completely, because you we’re hurt, but if you love each other, just remind yourself of all the good times together and that he is with YOU, not anyone else.  Forgive him and do your best to keep yourself busy until you start to feel better.  As far as your anniversary-  do what feels right.  I would keep the date what you have originally celebrated to reiterate the fact that night meant nothing to him.  Keep your head up and try not to hold it against him- it will get easier!  

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