(Closed) Trying to find something to be proud of but feeling miserable (NWR, long)

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
13902 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t want this to sound mean, but it seems like you need some counseling to help you see your value.  You only focus on the negatives and negate positive things.  Someone with professional training can help you find your worth and work through why you feel so negative, as well as helping you with residual effects from your abusive relationship.

Post # 3
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I’m sorry you’re having a rough time.  Academic life can be grueling, and often having a good advisor makes all the difference. Is there anyone you can talk to, maybe seek out couseling services at your university.  Is there anyone in your field that you can reach out to for mentionship in terms of your career?

And there’s a lot to be proud of here.  Namely getting out of an abusive relationship.  Your education is a huge accomplishment.  Speaking several languages – also a huge accomplishment.  

Post # 4
Member
2569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

You sound like an awesome, driven, intelligent person. Multiple languages and multiple instruments? Phd program? Girl you’re a genius. Start seeing yourself through someone else’s eyes. You moved to a new country, broke up with an abusive ex, started another phd program BC the first one was toxic. Clearly you have goals and the ability to achieve them. 

Believe in the awesomeness within you! 

Post # 5
Member
97 posts
Worker bee

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greentomato :  the key is mind over matter . We all go through devastating life events but what is important is to look at those experiences in a positive light . Pick out what was valuable from every experience. You CAn be happy and social but you must first stop being so mean to yourself. You speak about amazing things you did without giving yourself credit. Begin with I CAN !!! And you WIll —- you Can do it !! 🙂

Post # 6
Member
630 posts
Busy bee

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greentomato :  “people share every small thing online, show off, talk about themselves”

PLEASE realize that people are only sharing online what they WANT you to see. I know a girl who posted photos of these amazing trips, always smiling, always laughing, married to a beautful guy and had beautiful children… Her life seemed perfect. She even dropped out of college to work on her modeling career. 8 years later, turns out she was in debt, due to her cheating husband who had a gambling problem, lost everything. Took to drinking, got arrested for DUI, now she has to raise 2 kids with a DUI on her record and no college degree (she works as a beer girl for an alcohol sales company)… but you dont see her posting that on IG. 

I think you sound smart, driven, caring, kind, but you cannot let your selfworth come from social media. I believe happiness is a choice, you just need to find what actually makes you happy. 

Post # 7
Member
3898 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

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greentomato :  you need to seek herapy for low self esteem and social anxiety.  Those are the main things that hinder your success and progress.

Post # 8
Member
80 posts
Worker bee

I ADMIRE YOU!! I really do, because despite what you have been through, you have achieved so much and you have stuck with things even when its been tough and you had the courage to walk from an abusive relationship.

You have so much to be proud of and so many interesting stories to tell people! i wish i had as many acheivements as you. im 36 years old and im the first to admit, im a bit of a quitter! i never follow anything through to the end!

I think you sound amazing and your life sounds so interesting.

Post # 9
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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JiminyCricket :  Why does counseling have such a negative stigma on these boards? It’s presented like it’s supposed to be the last resort in a dire situation, when really many people seek counseling for a variety of different reasons and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It is extremely helpful to talk with an impartial third party and–even better!–a professional in working through issues exactly like this one. More people would seek counseling and avoid desperation if perhaps it wasn’t presented as such a negative thing to do.

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greentomato :  I think you would really benefit from talking with someone about your feelings and what is causing them. My motto recently in a tough situation has been “nothing changes if nothing changes,” and often that means doing some hard personal work to take charge of your life and your anxieties. I hope that you can find something positive to hold on to and learn to love yourself and your accomplishments. You deserve it.

Post # 10
Member
10110 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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AORiver15 :  

 

 Why does counseling have such a negative stigma on these boards? It’s presented like it’s supposed to be the last resort in a dire situation

I dont think that is true at all ! Therapy/counselling is suggested very often indeed and I  have never seen it presented as some  sort  of last resort  , only ever as a way of dealing with   present pain and dilemma and almost always backed up by  people saying they have benefitted themselves .

I think jiminycrickets wording  was merely to be sensitive to a total stranger who clearly has problems.

 OP , I think you sound  clinically depressed and have been so  for  time and I too would strongly suggest therapy, preferably  with a psychiatrist who could, among other things ,  prescribe antidepressants,  just to kick start the journey upwards .

 

Post # 11
Member
486 posts
Helper bee

I know how you feel OP, I’m a bit the same. I hated my uni course but was to scared to change so I finished it. Didn’t make a single friend or even acquaintance in four years*. Then I took a job in a not so great place in an area I don’t want to live, but I thought I could find another job soon. Well ten years later, still there, to scared to find something else. I interview just horribly, and I’m bad at the job. Not surprisingly I haven’t got any promotion or anything in ten years. Still the exact same job as a decade ago. I’m going to retire in the exact same job I started in at 21 years old. Yikes. Talk about failure in life. 

Oh well. It could be a lot worse, right? 

* I now work with some people that were in the same year at uni and they not only did not know me, but they didn’t believe me when I said we went to uni together. Lol! 

Post # 12
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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elderbee :  Then why would it be prefaced with, “I don’t want this to sound mean, but…”?

I was literally just thinking about how often people are like, “Well I don’t think this is THAT serious” at the suggestion of counseling, and then this popped up. 

Regardless, I think that’s the appropriate course of action here.

Post # 15
Member
13902 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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AORiver15 :  I didn’t intend it to be that counseling was negative — I think people take it poorly when someone suggests they need counseling.  I fully agree that counseling provides a really helpful outlet for people to deal with issues before they get so far into their problems that it’s nearly impossible to get out.  I apologize if I wasn’t clear, and I most certainly was not suggesting her issues were not serious, as your follow-up post alluded to.

View original reply
elderbee :  Exactly, thanks so much for backing me up.  I don’t want to sound like a jerk telling a stranger on the internet to get professional help, particularly when I only have a couple paragraphs summarizing the issue and not knowing the full extent of the situation. 

The topic ‘Trying to find something to be proud of but feeling miserable (NWR, long)’ is closed to new replies.

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