- 8 years ago
I started this thread months ago when I was debating if I should ask my Future Sister-In-Law to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man. http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/how-important-is-asking-your-fsil-to-be-your-bridesmaid
Long story short, I decided not to ask my Future Sister-In-Law, and instead asked my brother who’s very dear to me to be my Gentleman of Honor, and I have my best friend as Maid/Matron of Honor, and my other good friend as Bridesmaid or Best Man. My Fiance has his 1 Best Man and 1 Groomsmen. Back then, I came to this decision because Fiance told me he doesn’t care if Future Sister-In-Law is in the wedding party or not, and since I preferred to have my brother on my side than on his side and to not have her in the wedding party, I decided against it, and have been feeling pretty good about it. But, if at that time if any of my Future In-Laws or my Fiance have voiced that Future Sister-In-Law wanted to be in the wedding party, Id’ have done otherwise. Future Mother-In-Law has asked us what role Future Sister-In-Law would have in our wedding, and we’ve told her that we’d ask her to greet the guests (she’s very social and would be very good at it) and maybe do a reading or so.
Fast forward to last week, Future Mother-In-Law asked us AGAIN (she brought it up 2 -3 times since we decided on who’s in out wedding party) what role Future Sister-In-Law will have. We again, told her our plans with her, and she finally blurted out to us that Future Sister-In-Law has been feeling “left out for not being in the wedding party.” I guess being a reader is not what she wanted to hear nor accept. My Fiance started to feel bad and said that we’d love to her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, and that we didn’t ask because she was already involved in other weddings of her friends. We ended the conversation saying we’ll think about it.
Fiance confided in me that there is another friend that he has been feeling bad for not asking as a groomsman, and he does ask him, his Future Sister-In-Law can then be on my side. I told him I thought he didn’t care if Future Sister-In-Law is in the wedding or not, but he said he thought about it and it would be nice if she was…. I want very much for Fiance to have the wedding he wants, so I kind of agreed to have her on my side. So, I have siblings from both sides in my bridal party. We thought of having her on his side, but then it’d be “uneven” and he really prefers to ask his friend and have his sister on his side. If I could think of someone else to ask on my side, I might push for that, but I don’t. I originally wanted only one attendant on each side, and now it’s ballooning to 4 on both sides!
I know I have agreed to Fiance to have her on my side. I know it’s better for the big picture (everyone would be happy and it’d look good to include family), but I am having a hard time feeling that I am happy to have her on my side… I feel that if I say no, Fiance would be very disappointed in me, and I’d probably look bad for saying no to having her as my Bridesmaid or Best Man.
I still need to call her up to confirm and I can’t find myself to pick up the phone and pretend I am so happy to have her as my Bridesmaid or Best Man.. To be honest, I am very nervous to have her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man – I had reasons to not include her months ago, and I still have the same reasons, but Fiance knows how I feel but still expects me to welcome her with open arms…
Ugh. Someone tell me it’s not a big deal and I’ll cope through it. I can’t help but feel that it’s a very unfair situation, but I don’t see a way out without offending future family.. 🙁