(Closed) Trying to find the bigger person in me..

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’ll tell you – It’s not that big of a deal!  I have one Bridesmaid or Best Man who I didn’t really want, but she’s ecstatic.  You want people around that want to be there so it will work out fine.  There will be much more important things to worry about!  (But I totally get it too! – Just B*tch about it on here and be nice to her.) 

Post # 4
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

This is a tough situation! ugh! Here’s my 2 cents. I think you totally have the right to not have her in the wedding party if you aren’t excited about it, especially if she is a less than wonderful human being. My Fiance isn’t having my brothers in his wedding party (which I personally think he should, but whatever). But I think that, as you said, you might want to look at the bigger picture. This clearly seems to be a big deal for your Future Sister-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law. It might be to your advantage to bite the bullet and include her in your wedding party. Lose the battle, win the war, right? It is probably worth the bonus points you will earn with the Future In-Laws and not worth years of resentment from them because you didn’t include her in the wedding party. And who knows, maybe she’ll turn out to be a major contributor and one of your better BMs! Tongue out

Post # 5
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2011

IN MY OPINION (as I do not know the whole family dynamic and you know best, of course), you should have her as your Bridesmaid or Best Man. You will be apart of their family soon, and the best thing to do is to extend an olive branch and just accept her. If your Fiance really wishes for your Future Sister-In-Law to be apart of your bridal party, then just do it for him. Unless she’s done something horrible to you, that is, but I don’t get that impression from you. I’m a people pleaser, though, so if it really bothers you and if you think this will ruin your bridal experience, then don’t do it, BUT I think EVERYONE would be happy/grateful if you did let her in.

Post # 7
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

You know what, I say mention to hear that you ARE happy to have her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Share with her that you have had “negative” people kind of downing on your ideas and that you are excited to have someone “supportive” in your inner circle. 

She should get the idea that you need her to be positive and you get to be the leader.

That being said, if you REALLY don’t want her in your party…don’t do it.  If you think that she will get out of control or the whole thing will blow up, it’s not worth it.  If that’s the case, mention that you always dreamed of having a small wedding party and you just can’t include another person…feelings might be bruised, but you’ll still be talking to each other.  If the big fit happens because she’s a bad Bridesmaid or Best Man, it could be a lot worst!

Post # 8
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Would it be possible to approach it as if she were an “absent” BM? Meaning – as if she lived very far away? If it were me, I’d have her be a Bridesmaid or Best Man because it’ll probably make your lives easier in the future. But maybe you can make it very clear to your Fiance that you’d prefer if she wasn’t very involved in decision making. Once you pick a dress for the BM’s let her know what it is rather than having her there when you’re shopping for them – if she doesn’t like it, too bad – that kinda thing.

Also – if you feel uncomfortable doing it, can’t you have your Fiance call his sister?

Post # 10
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Gotcha — I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know it’s not pretty and I KNOW some people will disagree with me but if I were in your shoes I’d prob put the load on my Fiance. It’s his sister, he wants her in it, it’s his job to keep her in check?

And I’d totally cheat on the phone call. Make Fiance sit down with you & use the speakerphone on your cell so you “both” make the call but he does most of the talking – hah!

Post # 11
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Hmm…that extra info makes it really hard to be ok with it.  It doesn’t even sound like talking to anyone about it will help at all.  It sucks to be stuck like that.  Just stick her at the far end in all of the pictures and have another Bridesmaid or Best Man keep her away from you!

The topic ‘Trying to find the bigger person in me..’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors