(Closed) Trying to force him?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m sorry he acted like this to you. I’m sure it hurt because it sounds like it’s important to you to know where you’re headed! BUT do you really want to start off a marriage with an ultimatum? Any man who truly wants to marry you will do everything in his power to be with you forever. 

Post # 4
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Judging by his reaction to you only wanting to talk about how you’re feeling, I’d say he’s nowhere near the point of readiness to marry that you are.  It’s pretty insulting to you that he couldn’t even have a conversation about it like an adult.  In your shoes, I’d probably break it off now and not waste any more time on him.  

Post # 5
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014


I agree… and I am not usually so quick to judge, but a guy that does “la la la la, I can’t hear you” when you are talking to him–whether about your relationship or your favorite TV show, it doesn’t matter–doesn’t deserve you.

Post # 6
6248 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

How rude and immature of him. Sounds like he isn’t anywhere near ready to commit to a marriage. You should take a break from him and seriously figure out your next move. Sometimes ultimatums do work and it’s the little kick in the butt someone needs to make them realize what they are losing. It’s not fair that he strings you along.

How long have you two been together? An ultimatum wouldn’t be appropriate if it’s a “young” relationship (young as in you two haven’t been together for very long).

Post # 7
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Um, yeah. How does he react when other issues come up?

“I don’t want to pay my electric bill, lalalalalala!”


Post # 8
580 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Wow, I just read your older posts. Considering you are both in your 30s and have been dating for 3 years and that you want to have kids… I don’t like to judge but it sounds like it might be time to leave.

Post # 9
298 posts
Helper bee

Oh wow… the “la la la” thing would have sent me over the edge.  I am not a fan of ultimatums, but if my buttons were pushed that way I would probably blurt that out too!

Is he seriously in his 30’s?  How long have you been together?  How old are you?  Have you two EVER discussed marriage?  Surely, with the right guy, it would have come up within 6-8 months of being together.

You deserve NOT to be in the dark about your future!  If I were you, I wouldn’t even be able to wait a year, wondering if it will ever happen or not.  If I don’t have a rough timeline after even ONE year, I won’t stick around.

Post # 10
298 posts
Helper bee

I just read your very first post, and I have to say that I have been there before with my ex, who was 36 and I was 31.  I started bringing up marriage after a year together.  I would say “how about we move in together?” and he would reply with “why don’t you move your fine self over to the couch and cuddle with me?”  He always had a sweet, cute way of avoiding the M topic.  The breaking point was when we hit the 1.5 year mark and I asked him if I was the “one” or not.  He said he didn’t know.  I was devastated.  Then I asked him if he might know in 6 months (that would be our 2 year anni) and he said he can’t make any promises that he would know if I was the “one” or not.  I wasn’t willing to wait that long in that much uncertainty, so I left.

6 weeks later, I met my now SO, and we are planning an engagement for later this year.  If I had stayed with ex, who I loved very much, I would still be waiting on him and childless!

I hope my story inspires you to do the right thing.  You deserve someone who knows he wants you forever, and wants children with you in a timeline that can be discussed openly.



Post # 11
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

If he isnt willing to even talk to you about it that says a lot!!! I would not stick around, its best to move on to somebody who has outlook you do.  I dated a guy in college who said he never wanted to get married, at least he was honest, and after 2 years I realized this would never change.  It was a very hard break up but 3 years later I found the perfect guy for me! We were talking openly about marriage views a month into dating and he proposed 2 years later!  Im so glad I moved on, it was hard at the time but so worth it!!!  Releive yourself the stress and move on, the right guys is waiting for you, it is time to move on 🙂

Post # 12
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

ohhh shorty don’t play that game. I would NOT stand for that. I’d probably be packing up my bags now and crying about the demise of my relationship

Post # 13
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

He may be in his 30’s but sounds like he has the maturity of an 8 yo. What man says “la la la” what his SO starts talking about their future and her feelings? I think its time for you to take a break and seriously asses this relationship. He should know what he wants by now…. and maybe he does and it isnt the same as you…. Men tend to be pretty obvious when they want or dont want something.

You deserve more than what he is gving you, and you know it. You have some serious decisions to make and I dont envy you AT ALL.

Post # 14
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

So, this is what I’ve gathered from you and PPs who’ve read your other posts:

– He’s in his 30s

– You’ve been dating for 3+ years

– He’s not even willing to take a conversation about your feelings/future seriously

Nobody else here knows all the intricate details of his personality and your relationship except for you, but those are big red flags to me.  If I were in your shoes, I’d walk.

Post # 15
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Even my guy friends who are not ready to go ring shopping are understanding of their partner’s anxiety and concerns when it comes to getting married. They are at least capable of LISTENING, even if the end result is “yeah hun, Im sorry, I’m just not there yet”.

His response was that of an immature dick.

And knowing thats how he responded, are you REALLY going to feel good about things if he proposes after the ultamatum you gave him?    Thats something you really need to think about.

And think about his response in the context of other difficult decisions you need to make in life.

I’m usually hesitant to say this in the “waiting” posts because there’s so much that we can’t know from reading a post – but, in your shoes, I’d be packing my bags.

Post # 16
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I hate to join the masses, but the instant the “lalala” came out, I would go. He doesn’t respect you. “lalala”-ing has told you right there that he doesn’t think enough of you to listen to your point of view, even if he feels he has to “shut it down” gently– which should in itself be a loud message to you that he doesn’t think you’re it for him. Nor did he even have the consideration to be gentle about it, mind you.

He’s told you what you want to know. You are not on the same page about where your life is headed. Now that you have this information, go your own way in peace and safety, and truly get out there and find for yourself someone who does respect you, who does love you, who does think that his world would be nothing without you in it. I’m sorry to say that Mr. LaLaLa isn’t it. Do yourselves a favor and break up with him now. Don’t even wait for the next anniversary, because you have your answer.

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